Hope Transfused

For Kellee

We grew up immortal.
Never a moment or mention of the hard road, the pieces that'd get broken, the things that just might never heal.
Yeah maybe there were hard times and maybe there were sad times and yeah we felt some pain,
 but we knew... We ALWAYS knew...
That tomorrow would be better and it was.
We had dancing and prayers,
Braces and stares,
"I love you"s and "I care"s
trying to grow up and out just hoping to connect with someone who mattered,
Searching for all the things to fulfill our lives so we'd know that WE mattered.
We've had a lifetime of choices, good and bad, that led us to this place
where we still question ourselves and wonder what might've been.
We felt so sure back then
We never felt the weight of that ticking clock
Or the things we'd miss
Or thought about the number of beats and breaths we had left.
It was here and now
Neither ahead nor behind

So now the years have flown by.
We never found all we dreamed.
The dreams didn't even awaken until almost too late,
But we have them now
Even when impossibly hard things come we have them still
We feel time passing too quickly,
Yet our dreams continue to grow
All the things we learned that we never put to use,
All the love we shared but got hurt and jaded
All the time we wasted looking for the wrong things or nothing at all
Well none of that matters now

When someone speaks...
And they know more than we do...
We hear the words, see the numbers and letters splayed across those pages as we try to grasp the possibility that maybe there will BE no more possibility...

What's a lump doing there?
Like a lump of coal in your stocking
Or the lump of space between us
Or the lump in my throat...
It shouldn't be there.

Syndromes and diseases with initials and acronyms to make them easier to talk about,
as though calling it something else might ease the reality and take away the fear, the guilt, the worry.
The old guys used to say "Give it a name!" When there was something indescribable.
Now we attach labels and ribbons and even when you win, you're "a survivor"
NO! That is NOT your name. You are the same woman you were yesterday and all your tomorrows.
Those lumps and letters don't tell who you are.
Those are nothing more than the names of places you will have been.

Their prognosis is a guess and I guess they don't get it.
Their words bring more questions than answers,
But there are answers for everything.  
There are always answers
They were there before the questions even formed
I don't know all the answers yet but I do know
This is NOT how your story ends
I REFUSE to accept that storyline
I reject the pen that wrote my part in your story
Their words are just gibberish to me
They can't examine your soul with a machine
Or foretell your future in a lab
There's no imaging for hope.
So WHAT if they know more about this than we do, they DON'T know you.
They don't know me...

It doesn't even matter if they're right or wrong
It's no longer important what color their ink is because MY pen writes in blood
There are chapters unwritten,
 pages left blank,
Words undefined,
An entire new language to learn and write...
So I will write my own chapter in your book.
MY ink will create new stories that never end.
As I pour my life, my soul, my very blood into yours,
You'll know that every curve and twist of my hands is a new sensation creating life
Every word I speak will bring light that chases shadow
Every touch will give warmth, a connection from my soul to yours
 
I don't know...if I can change how your story ends.
I don't know
How to prove them wrong
But I will make damn sure that I change every precious moment until then
These verses hold OUR legacy in them

When you're weary I'll help you rest
When you're hurting, I'll soothe and caress
When you're scared, I'll have your back
When you're sad, I'll make you laugh again
When you're lost, I'll lead you home
When you think the story is over,
I'll add new pages and ink
And if you ever feel alone...
I'll have never left your side.

These words are not meaningless
My soul speaks them now

I am your poet