Panic & Anxiety

my hand trembles as my nerves
stretch to the point of breaking
particles of sanity collect in my palm
moist and cool against my scorching skin
my hands constrict
and draw into fists
driving my nails
like thorns into my flesh
the shot of pain
snaps me back for a moment
but only for a brief respite
the muscles in my hands
start a chain reaction
that transverses up my arms
and into my shoulders
the tension settles in the back of my neck
and draws up the muscles from my shoulder blades
every nerve stands at attention

a spark of fear
drips from my eye
and runs down my cheek
leaving an eroded trail in its wake
my breath is labored and shallow
I feel as though
I cannot get enough air
I gasp and swallow hard
and anxiety gets stuck in my throat
a seizure of thought
followed by a wave of overwhelming panic
rushes across my body and I am paralyzed
pins and needles begin
to tickle the tips of my toes
moving slowly up my foot to my ankle
just before it all goes numb


I feel the anxiety invade my face
floaters of black cancer
swarm in my peripheral
the beginning stages of a full blackout
tunnel vision corrupts my eyes
and I stare at the world through a straw
my tender lips start to tingle
just as the needles
insert themselves into my nerve endings
I think my tongue is swelling
engorged inside my mouth
making it harder to catch my shallow breath
I open my mouth
and lick my lips
dead flesh upon dead flesh
I try to swallow
but my throat constricts
and the the mass of saliva
sticks to back of my tongue
I feel like I am trying to breathe through mud

my lungs are on fire
my hearts races
and slows
skipping beats along the way
the pressure in my chest
the relentless burning
and then a cold sweat covers my body
like an frosty rain
I think I am going to throw up

the trembling once isolated to my hands
has now infected my entire body
my legs grow unsteady
rushes of panic course through me
weak I feel like they are made of jello
and unable to support my weight
the muscles in my jaw pull tight
grinding my teeth without remorse
my head seems to float with weightlessness
swimming in a sea of doubt and dread
I speak to myself outloud that this will pass
I try to think up thoughts to help settle myself
but nothing helps
I know I am going to have ride this out
but this one feels different
I reach for the magic bean in my pocket
my shaking hands fumble to open the bottle
my salvation awaits within
taking the small pink pill and placing it under my tongue
I close my eyes and wait for it to work