Heartless Monster

Sex is the only way
to numb all the pain she feels inside.
Growing up with no father
A drunken mother with a fatal disease
A sister who's doped up on drugs.
Who is she to turn to?
She has no one.
The only gateway to happiness
is between her legs.
And even that is temporary,
The high feeling of being whole
quickly fades once he leaves out the door.
The pain of her reality
pierces her aching soul.

One guy after another
trying to find love that she never had.
She know's this isn't true love  
nor is it true happiness.
But settles because in the moment
the attention she's been seeking for years
is on her.
She feels that's all she's worth.
Becoming bitter,
her hearts turning to ice.

Her mother has changed
she's a good mom now
and she met a good guy
who can see life with her.
But it's too late.
She's built a wall around her mended heart
Too tall for one to knock down.
She's so angry, angry at the world.
And is too afraid to let people in.

She only wanted love,
since the day she was born,
love was all she desired.
She lived life alone,
having only herself to look up to.
20 years old with many regrets in life
her past has caught up to her.
She hates who she turned into
But it too late, she's too far gone.
She doesn't know how to change
Her mother tries to prove she's there for her.
But her daughter is no longer her daughter,
she is now a heartless monster
who destroys everything
she comes in contact with.

I don't want to be this girl anymore.
I want to be the daughter
my mother is proud of  
I want to be the wife
my future husband as always dreamed of.
But how do I change?
How do I let down this wall
that has always protected me from heartache.
I guess only I can break down this wall
Piece by piece.
Day by day,
Because I deserve real love
And I don't want to be
a heartless monster anymore.    [/font]