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caged birds don't sing
caged birds don't sing
Gus, better one or better two
better one
better two
one
an interrogation of my unsustainable perspective
reveals what others have known and I've suspected all along
I am faithless
atramentous caws deafen my vision in this aviary
perched yet flightless
tethered by the susurrations of heretics who stoke divinity
Gus, better one or better two
better one
better two
gone are the vespers of larks and the muezzin
muddled in the coagulation of my brothers' blood and droppings
intertwined with mine
Gus, better one or better two
better one
better two
two
I want to keep them both
cackles in the deconstruction of my faith
she was wrong
those weren't songs
keepers never care to tell
Presented in the Anonymous Poets (two part challenge) hosted by Alexander Case.
Poems:
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/6117/
Critique:
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/6116/
Gus, better one or better two
better one
better two
one
an interrogation of my unsustainable perspective
reveals what others have known and I've suspected all along
I am faithless
atramentous caws deafen my vision in this aviary
perched yet flightless
tethered by the susurrations of heretics who stoke divinity
Gus, better one or better two
better one
better two
gone are the vespers of larks and the muezzin
muddled in the coagulation of my brothers' blood and droppings
intertwined with mine
Gus, better one or better two
better one
better two
two
I want to keep them both
cackles in the deconstruction of my faith
she was wrong
those weren't songs
keepers never care to tell
Presented in the Anonymous Poets (two part challenge) hosted by Alexander Case.
Poems:
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/6117/
Critique:
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/6116/
Published 8th Nov 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 3
comments 9
reads 1205
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
8th Nov 2013 2:02am
Thank you, creepy wolf with terrifying eyes. Congratulations on a much deserved win :)
8th Nov 2013 10:24am
Thank you for responses to the piece throughout the competition ... It was one of those writes I felt less than sure about when I posted it in the comp. Your initial reference to it made my day.
... creepy eyes? ... It's not the eyes one has to worry about lol.
Again, many thanks.
LSP
... creepy eyes? ... It's not the eyes one has to worry about lol.
Again, many thanks.
LSP
Anonymous
8th Nov 2013 3:50am
LSP, amazing poem with such depth. I'm in such awe of your talent and your ability of being so versatile.
8th Nov 2013 10:31am
Thanks for the compliment Vee ... I thought your entry was awesome as well. It made me think about mi reina and the full back tattoo I got to always have her with me ... Lots of blood ... pain ... and Ink. She's the reason I got back to writing.
LSP
LSP
Anonymous
8th Nov 2013 4:28am
So very different, but still so uniquely you.
8th Nov 2013 10:32am
You're far too kind as always dear lady. Thank you for taking the time to offer the feedback.
LSP
LSP
8th Nov 2013 5:51am
Blimey LSP
Really interesting to read
Those few lines repeated are
Very good
Hope you do well
Hotting up to be an exciting competition
Really interesting to read
Those few lines repeated are
Very good
Hope you do well
Hotting up to be an exciting competition
Thanks for the read Rose ...
... This piece actually grew out of a comment on another poem where the reader said in effect soldiers "just follow orders" ...
... my reply in part was - Yes but that's what they said at Abu Ghraib ...
Then I found out Abu Ghraib means House of Crows ... And part of the torture of the prisoners involved sodomy and beating men about their genitals (thus the metaphorical reference of an eye exam (your vision or faith) vs. getting one's testicles beaten) ...
"Gus" was the name given to the prisoner in that infamous photograph with the naked man on a leash held by a female guard ...
... As always thanks for your feedback and support.
LSP
... This piece actually grew out of a comment on another poem where the reader said in effect soldiers "just follow orders" ...
... my reply in part was - Yes but that's what they said at Abu Ghraib ...
Then I found out Abu Ghraib means House of Crows ... And part of the torture of the prisoners involved sodomy and beating men about their genitals (thus the metaphorical reference of an eye exam (your vision or faith) vs. getting one's testicles beaten) ...
"Gus" was the name given to the prisoner in that infamous photograph with the naked man on a leash held by a female guard ...
... As always thanks for your feedback and support.
LSP
Well done, brother LSP. It was a well deserved win.
It's funny, I read your comment to DystopianMelody where you said, "I felt less than sure about when I posted it". You know, I have the same feeling when I post something that turns out to be something well received by my readers. That's the feeling when you push the envelop and let your mind take that risk to go somewhere you don't normally dare to venture. It's well worth the reward.
I'd like to hear that smooth voice of yours take this poem somewhere off the charts. PM me if your interested, perhaps we can work something out.
It's funny, I read your comment to DystopianMelody where you said, "I felt less than sure about when I posted it". You know, I have the same feeling when I post something that turns out to be something well received by my readers. That's the feeling when you push the envelop and let your mind take that risk to go somewhere you don't normally dare to venture. It's well worth the reward.
I'd like to hear that smooth voice of yours take this poem somewhere off the charts. PM me if your interested, perhaps we can work something out.
