In the bowl by the door

It's either too short or too long

Not too long. Definitly not too long. Rich with palpable images and scents, and ripe with the essence of seasons. Not too long at all.

It's nice to see you around these parts again Lee, it's been too long. You should make a collection of your comments one day, it'd be a brilliant read :)

Well thank you

i like the length. it fits jus fine. more would be too much.  less would be not enough.


i like your language what you have to say.

i wish i could relax enough and not be so angry  and hateful to sit back and let these things out i feel as you do.

this is an enviable skill.
don't doubt yourself my friend.....
this piece and your style in general is fantastic.
much respects brotha...

Lol weed does that to you mate, makes you look a little deeper at things. And the best thing about writing is the honesty it promotes. I appreciate the word love, if I didn't doubt myself every now and then my ego would go on a power trip and take over the world.

I like the journey this takes me on...

Maybe it's the line breaks bothering you. I'll have a go:



When winters solitary winds whip
the last of autumns littered leaves
from your feet
through the noise in slamming doors
don't take the rest from gazes
used to sleeping in a fingers crook
their unsettled cries would keep me up (at night) [delete?]
look past me etched against the night
when you sneak a look at maybes
leave them in the hall
don't let your feet muffle the music in the road
while I march to the drum of the beaten path

Keep going, Dys. You've come a long way.

Why, thank you very muchly little mint, you know how I love those long sentences :)
It is a lot better now methinks, thanks for pointing out the 'night' repetition, was really distracting once I picked up on it.
As egotistical as it sounds i read my older stuff sometimes and can't believe I used to write like that...
The main problem I think I had with this is that it didn't say everything I wanted to.
Lol I suppose that's why writers keep writing, too much to say.

I LOVE THIS!!!  all except the last line.  It is good but the rest of it is SO good I want the last line to be even better.  

excellent.

Thank you. I know it's bordering on cliché but it's the only way I could think of succinctly describing repeating the same mistakes, if anything I'm more bothered by the two lines before it, they don't tie in well enough for my liking. If you do have any suggestions I'm open to playing with it a bit still. (For once lol)

DM
bugger all wrong with this ink.
Just the right length. All u needed to say, was said wonderfully .
           KG

Thank you very much KoGo (trying it out)
But you know me, always more to say :)

Just keep inkin'
I'll keep reading.
KG

Moving

Where to, hombre?

Lool I meant the poem is moving