My Life 1

Today i decided to look back at all the things that have happened in the past 5 years of my life, there were happy moments, sad moments, and moments which to this day make me regret and grieve. I'm not going to write in my usual poem format as i just want to rant on. back when i just started high school, i remember arguing with my 2 best mates on who will lose their virginity first, and at one stage i was in the lead, it still makes me laugh on how immature we were. at the time i was dating an old child hood friend who lived interstate, little did i know that i wasn't really trusted. she spied on me using various accounts and found it strange to what i was saying (explicit), all she had to do was ask and i would have changed, thats what i hate the most about myself, i always try to make the relationships go smoothly, look where it got me...

going forward a year i find myself thinking about career opportunities, to this day i still am a bit hazy about what i want to do for a living, i remember discussing with my close friend about it and we got onto the topic of the army, curious, i decided to join the cadet force in  my local area. on my first night i met my commanding officer, i couldn't keep a straight face as i was 6ft while she was just about 5'3, like i said i was immature, laughing at simple things which i have now learned to live with and accept. Despite my short stay with the cadets, i did make friends and enjoyed myself as i didn't have the time to worry or stress about other things, especially relationships.

over the years i slowly start to realise how easy it is for friends who in the past you would take a bullet for, drift apart like logs in the sea. my best friend, Alastair, i used to visit his house all the time, we played video games and did stupid shit like putting milk into a kettle, (laugh if you want) but now it just seems like we are still friends, but we no longer share that close bond we used to. I lost what i called a true friend and there were many that followed.

As i mentioned earlier i hate myself when it comes to relationships, all honesty i still find it hard to define what a relationship is, to my friends it seems to be about caring, cheating, forgiving, Backstabbing friends and rumours, looking back at my own relationships i see all of the above. At this moment in time i will find it hard to love again, its just how i feel, my last relationship more or less drifted apart and its because i try to make the relationship too perfect. i was told that i was acting childish, that I'm immature and not serious enough, for a long time i have always been afraid of loosing those close to me because i know that once it ends, it ends. What she didn't understand though is that i was acting childish and immature so i could put a smile on her face, as i knew she had a rough past and there is that part inside me that wants to help but i know there is nothing i can do, in the end i just add fuel to the fire.

im planing to write a sequel, when? i don't know but i hope you guys enjoy life a lot more than i am at the moment. please comment your opinions
and happy reading

Silent_Screams Endless_Dreams