Death in Age as Life in Love

Everything I write has a hidden tone  
It's life, spilled on top a throne  
Where are my subjects as I commend  
The next lesson of time is about to begin  
   
I sing my sorrow as I weep for happiness  
This is when I feel the emptiness  
My soul is clouded by age and fear  
It haunts all those who'd ever near  
   
I scream my heart out  
It's here on the chair  
I left it there  
Now it's gone and I do not care  
   
I've suffered head traumas time and again  
Now I can't remember where the hell I've been  
I long for the shadows that lurch at night  
To find some peace, still hidden from sight  
   
The last thing I wanted was to lose them all  
Chapters of affection and love to be drawn  
They say happiness waits around every bend  
Every turn I take I lose another friend  
   
This year will be the worst  
My closest friends will disperse  
Along with my sanity with every verse  
Never to be seen again,so to forever my dearest friend  
   
Now to the future which will not come  
To you I raise my glass for all we would've done  
I hum with every beat of my heart  
That we'll never truly be that far apart