Flashbacks and memories

I dont know what to write    
and from where to Start,    
my hands are trembling    
and i can feel the cold blood coming outside my wounded Heart,    
This blood is more infected than that which took u away,    
but am still alive
fucking with this life,
its my 20th Birthday,
but today no party,no cake,no Candle,    
cause the pain that u left is too difficult for this bleeding heart to Handle,
you know every thing between us ended before the end came to End It,    
But something can never end even if we try to End It,    
and that is in our heart,the feeling of Friendship,    
today i am not angry with you for the fact that u Ignored Me,    
cause no one was responsible for it,neither u Nor Me,    
i can see ur smiling face,as real,as u are standing Before Me,
And i can feel emotional drills in my heart,
which are ready to Counterbore Me,
my heart is in pain,    
i am feeling insane,
it feel like i have Chest Packed With Emery,
and I am floating in the Flashbacks and Memories,    
   
   
   
The memories took me back to our old school time,    
homework,projects and all those 6th to 9th grade chapters,
start dancing in  my mind,    
the time when you were not as cool as you were After,
and the time,    
when your fat belly was the main Character    
of my rhymes,    
and a source of our Laughther,
but u had ur own Talent,    
me and the others could never forget those kicks,slaps and punches,that used to make our running mouths Silent,    
most of the time they were for Revenge,    
but sometime the reason behind them was terribly funny,friend    
when you used to impress those Cunning cunts    
with your masculine power,    
by beating us! You fucking Coward!    
i can never forgot those Cricket Matches,
in which we were team,homie,
me dropping those Easy Catches
to see you scream on me,
we can call this life a match of cricket,    
and i feel like i had lost,one of my important vicket,
I dont want to play this match no more,i want to abscond and take my Cash Back Like Every
other cricket match we played,fuck those Flash Backs and Memories,  
   
   
   
I can't sleep on night,  
my eyes are raining heavily,  
since the day you had died,  
since you eloped with that tragedy,  
It feel's like my heart is being tied,  
and the situations are fucking it analy,  
its the hardest defeat of my life  
that i can't help your family  
in these cyclones and tides,  
i had undrstood it finaly  
that there could be no superhumans in real life,  
somebody go and tell stanley,  
well before this pain, this strive  
and those emotions kill me mentaly,  
i want to say good bye,  
to those flashbacks and memories  
   
 
 
Its fucking shitty to see your young homie dieng,  
in the age of dreaming,in the age of flieng,  
and what if he took away your dreams too?  
leaving you dream-blind,  
now am trieng to find,  
the real meaning of this life,  
do what we dream are realy our dreams,  
does the sky in which we try to fly,  
is a real sky?  
we all dream,  
than we dream further,  
and try to achieve another  
dream,we dream about nude girls,  
we dream about their huge tits,  
and our eyes are always hungry for money and hot chicks,
but for our whole life,
we never understand that this life is a short trip,  
we got wings,but we can't fly,  
we are like those ostrich,  
the things after which we are running  
are nothing more than dog-shit,  
the real gem shines in our mind,
when we had lost it,
this world is a drama,we all are actors,
and have to leave this drama,after doing our character,
and now you are gone,
to the place where i cant' contact u with my phone,
its hard to believe this reality,
that u had left this world of fake reality,
the world of money the world of Cash,Checks and Salary,
but i will always keep you in my Flashbacks and Memories,