animus

I'm looking myself in the eyes
for the first time in 700 nights
and an ash burned cigarette circle appears
in the middle of my forehead;


I can't think about your arms anymore
the fire is out, the ash is warm with worms
finding their way back and forth to my brain.

 
I'm going to stay clean until
I take the final quantum leap
or join my animus
on the slider's escape
and come out a new man.


I don't know who to tell;
I was never meant to make it.
The commute then office chatter
It's dinner on a table you grew up on;
her necklace by your bedside,
keep a house stocked and clean;
it isn't me.
 

there is something rigid in my chest
it moves and swells
twists to you,
unbearable presence of you
Redemption!
I seek it in you!


The moon saying your cruelty
it is saying our names
and the whistles and trains are playing the only songs we heard all night
that night.   that sainted night.   that fucking night,
I can only piece together;

the beauty was moth-eaten - - the sacred stitchings activated,
now grey in my brain.  this you deny so the anima must die.
I deny the all seeing eye, for a truth-

I wish the world was a nicer place and that I was nicer too.