"Why cant he come home with me?" she mutters

Eyes awaken to darkness surrounding



Heaviness of breath, gasping for air



How does one sense a loss that is not near



Sense a tragedy of death of a love over miles away



The Tele rang, sounding a voice familiar



"Nikki, Nikki, he is dead, he’s gone" words spilt from tears



" He coded, his heart stopped



I am going to vomit" she spoke



" I have to go" she muttered



Silence of noise blankets my body, time standing still



A stillness of death lingers in the air



Body sunken onto the floor, a hollow pain cannot be compared



This cannot be, just how could this be argueing with my mind



Trembling hands reaching out, cognitive skill fading



Keys in one hand, bag in the other, I lit up a smoke to fall again



A presence lifted me up , I awoke to my body as a passenger



Hours passed by, unwished for tears pouring from within



Unnoticed bridges driven over, street signs a blur



burdensome snow falling, blinded grief against the windshield



“We are here, Are you ready? “He asked me



I shook my head like a child as if the bad thing would go away.



He led me to her, holding my weight upon his shoulders



Toward the inside of the room, I saw her broken in scattered covers



Rounded in a ball, depth of loss in her eyes



Nestling behind her as we did when children, holding her tight like we were afraid of the dark



This was my sister , my blood, my rock, who is no longer a wife



Surrounded by family , sharing bottomless loss



How does one soothe a shattered life



Clouded in disillusions, time to part befallen on us



Her head rested upon my lap, pants flooded from her tears



Humming from the traveling road to lead us to their home



Swollen eyes gazing up, muttering  to me ,



” why cant he come home with me?, why cant he come home with me?”

The one time in my life I had no answer