Warm

<3

[: u <3 it! ;)

very sweet and sexy and dreamy and very pleasant and some things i can't put my fingers on...but i love it!

thank you so much, darlin'! i'm always glad to get your opinion on these scrawlings. [:

Subtle, tender, sexy...in a grown-up womans voice...wonderful.

mm, thank you... that is quite a flattering quintuple compliment. [:

Really good...It was well understood

i'm glad you could relate. i sometimes have too much feel in my head and reading it makes sense to me but i can't be sure i'm getting the emotion across the way i would like to. thanks for the feedback, always appreciated. [:

That was amazing, J. The ending was sublime.  This is definitely one of which to be proud.

ah, PTM, it's a treat to get props from you. haven't seen you around in a while (and i can say that as i've been overdosing on DUP for 2 weeks now). thank you, and a tip-o-the-hat.

Like I've said before, recently, I've run aground and I was off having a family vacation. I will just lurk in the shadows until an inspiration finds me.

...is so lush.  This poem goes down just like the tequila:  "creamy / like melting butter."  There's so much I love about this, especially the flames, in their "frantic / futile attempts / to consume the moon."  Simply lovely, and well-crafted, with such breathtaking imagery.  I'm saving.  

thank you for seeing so much in this, it may be my own favourite, one of the few i'm proud of. Feels like peace to me. [:

oops, found this in my files; never sent it:

Really liked 'warming up' but these lines distracted me:

"in their frantic
futile attempts
to consume the moon"

to me they didn't seem to fit.  the personified stuff is the writer
and the guy; everything else is described as an object, when suddenly
the flames are personified, given emotions etc.

i'd be happier if they stayed objects as well and just left
the writer and the guy.

but whatever... enjoy following you, reading your stuff, also your forum posts
ray

oh nooo! your opinions conflicting with others' favourite bits, ray, that's a tough call. i'll tell you what, i will consider it...though it's not as easy for me as you might think. (because i know you think it's all just effortless for me) but really, i will take some time for it to see if i can come up with anything that might fit better, i can see it being distracting now that you mention it.


i enjoy reading you too! it usually gives me something to figure out, and your forum posts are so entertaining.. bar the exceptionally long articles you shoot at will...i skim over those mostly, unless they're exceedingly interesting. thanks for keeping up with me...or...surpass..ing me? [:

Well, after another read, I'm kind of agreeing with Ray. Just because it's personification doesn't mean you can't use it (personally, I think there's some deeply beautiful language in that stanza), but it should be consistent throughout. But whatever~still a gorgeous piece, Jestalessa!

I loved the moths line, it was beautiful. You just excel everytime, wish I could steal some of your skill. It's lovely, Jesta =]

thank you! and i wish i could steal yours! but if we swapped we still wouldn't be happy. [:

This is your best poem. Not your best constructed, but simply your best. Because it has the most heart and depth and feeling. It's beautiful almost because of its technical impreciseness. So often I read love poems which are well crafted, but emotionally shallow. They know the notes but not the music. This one knows the music. I only have one suggestion: change "aside" to "beside" in the second verse. I'm not sure "aside" really makes sense.

Yep, 'aside' and 'besides' mean about the same thing; and since 'besides' gets confused    
with 'beside' all the time you can see how it gets confusing.    
     
Example of using it correctly:
"Aside the flames, you were the brightest thing on the damn beach    
once you'd mingled with them and caught your clothes on fire."    
     
     
 

oo, and i was tentative on that too. i went against my better judgement using "aside". on it. [:

thank you! that's a perfect description, i feel like i have the general idea but the technicals always get me. i feel like i'm guessing most of the time. i think this is my first attempt at such short lines...maybe i should change it. well, you've all inspired me to give this a good going over! thanks! i wouldn't have been able to spot these things for myself. [:

yeah, well, it's never an exact science. i write something perfect then come back to it a few weeks later and see this defect that must be changed and come back a few weeks later and see the original was much better and can't see why in the world i'd ever changed it and then i come back a year or so later and... moving target. i always keep all my older versions because the constant suffering builds character and must (they assure me) improve my writing.

and this is just awsome IMO...

"with star and ember    
twinkling sky    
summer sand    
between my toes"  

Blue Skies to you Jest.

Al -x-

well, thank you, Al, you too. [:  
 
feel like i'm still looking for that old writer's mojo.

A silky smooth, emotive poem, Jesta! It's beautiful.

so sweet, Aish, thank you. [:

Beautifully written =)

aw, thanks for stopping in, V [:

exquisite! i love your style here, the mood, imagery. Great job! :)

thank you so much. [:

smooth mama! such cool calm and calculated description, setting our scene- and so vivid. So safe and welcome you are, seeming non poisonous, til your mouth regains that memory- and
"with swirling hips and snake slide" wrap right around us- pleasantly suffocating us with those last deadly breaths

aah! so glad you liked it, Mr. Baron. thank you for taking time for these oldies. [: