deepundergroundpoetry.com
busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
under the bridge
set in the monotony
of grey mud-slung tires
jettisoned branches
month-old socks and milk cartons
I discovered an abandoned television
alien and outlandish
protruding rays of wormtangle wire
graced
with gloriously useless knobs.
even without the plug it was electric
bright
lit the space about it
pulled together all of the under-bridge
made a welcome room of it
but still held a distance
seductively threatening
flashing a jagged tube-shard smile
singular
divergent.
beneath the bridge
I thought of you.
set in the monotony
of grey mud-slung tires
jettisoned branches
month-old socks and milk cartons
I discovered an abandoned television
alien and outlandish
protruding rays of wormtangle wire
graced
with gloriously useless knobs.
even without the plug it was electric
bright
lit the space about it
pulled together all of the under-bridge
made a welcome room of it
but still held a distance
seductively threatening
flashing a jagged tube-shard smile
singular
divergent.
beneath the bridge
I thought of you.
Written by
braggman
(Steve Bragg)
Published 30th Aug 2013
| Edited 1st Sep 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 23
reading list entries 9
comments 32
reads 1083
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
30th Aug 2013 3:34pm
me?
thank you.....
fine
i'mage eeeevoker there
myfriend...
eye love such scenes.
I been bneath such bbbbridges....but when ye come back, realpeople don'like ye anymore, yknow
1
re: Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
30th Aug 2013 5:39pm
Yeah I love 'em too. Usually bury them about six stanzas deep in the mud. Thought I'd wash this one off... and sure it can be you if you want. I guess about a dozen of my other comrades are gloriously useless too now that I get to counting.
Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
30th Aug 2013 3:36pm
re: Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
Ah, thanks. Not really true but I keep trying to move further in that direction.
re: re: Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
31st Aug 2013 3:31am
Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
Anonymous
30th Aug 2013 3:56pm
wormtangle can be a good thing if you let it, turn things around braggman...seems you are...
cool write poet
strider
cool write poet
strider
1
re: Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
30th Aug 2013 5:29pm
Yeah, I am doing a bit of turning. Less words means less for me to change later.
Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
30th Aug 2013 5:37pm
I have been spending my morning listening to Cowboy Junkies, doing algebra,(the others make this less irritating lol) and visiting with Seamus Heaney. I wanted to quickly say this is keeps pace with my fine company. It is the best I have read from you thus far.
1
re: Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
30th Aug 2013 5:48pm
Well thanks Maggie. Always thought I'd like to keep company with those Canadian girls. I guess I finally am. Means a lot that you like it, never mind that you just put me in the same sentence as Seamus. Just trying to keep them simple and not bog it down with philosophy and saving the world.
Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
30th Aug 2013 5:55pm
I really like this write Steve. Has plenty of meaning and truth in what you didn’t say. Don’t change a thing bud. Enjoyed it.
1
re: Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
30th Aug 2013 6:51pm
Thanks Doc. You should see some of the stuff I haven't said in the past. It's a damned masterpiece I've got there unwritten. Just kidding. I know what you mean, and I appreciate the observation.
Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
30th Aug 2013 6:46pm
Damn braggman nice! You really showed your talent with this piece. Keep flexing brother
1
re: Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
30th Aug 2013 7:19pm
Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
Anonymous
30th Aug 2013 9:02pm
I'm almost tempted to recommend removing the last couplet, as this "you" person doesn't appear until then and the first verse is entirely self-sufficient, but as that might nullify your whole reason for writing this poem, I'll refrain. The poem is wonderfully imagistic, like something William Carlos Williams could have written. You convey the scene beneath the bridge with great clarity, perhaps even subtly satirising the idea of home with what amounts to a mockery of a living room. Critique is, as always, JMHO. Thank you for the read.
1
re: Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
30th Aug 2013 10:31pm
Thanks Jack. I am still toying with removing the first line of the last couplet, but as you said, to remove it altogether would leave me with descriptions robbed of a reason. Thanks again for the good words.
re: re: Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
Anonymous
31st Aug 2013 1:11am
Do descriptions always need a reason?
1
re: re: re: Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexigla
No, not at all, but this one already had the reason before I built the description. Really all about a person, the TV is just a decoy.
re: re: re: re: Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plex
Anonymous
31st Aug 2013 4:29am
In that case leave the couplet in. I sensed that there was some kind of actual meaning to it, hence my hesitance to recommend its excision.
0
Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
30th Aug 2013 10:49pm
I like the last couplet, because it says to me that the image the busted TV evoked in you was what caused this thought... "beneath the bridge
I thought of you."
Great write Steve.
I thought of you."
Great write Steve.
1
re: Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
30th Aug 2013 11:24pm
Pleasure as always to see your face under a poem. Messed with it an hour ago. Had to drive back to a town with wifi and change my mind. As the Internet says "LOL." Thanks again for the read.
Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
31st Aug 2013 6:15am
Well, it works. I'm not sure what you did there (in a mystical, wondering sense) but it works for me, has me intrigued. Enjoyed the realistic imagery. Thanks for the read, Steve.
PS the title is a great decoy
PS the title is a great decoy
1
re: Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
31st Aug 2013 11:38am
Thanks A. If it works that's all that counts. I had painted this with so many damned adjectives that they became part of the picture. Decided I'd better admit it upfront in the title lest the reader gets an adjective OD by accident.
Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
31st Aug 2013 10:38am
oooooh.... remnants of july in august
but that's already over,
still just as riveting as always
but that's already over,
still just as riveting as always
1
re: Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
31st Aug 2013 11:41am
Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
8th Sep 2013 2:17am
well done mr bragg.
i feel like i've been losin out and jus showed up late by as of now jus reading your stuff.
i dig it man..
i'm enthused to see more.....
i feel like i've been losin out and jus showed up late by as of now jus reading your stuff.
i dig it man..
i'm enthused to see more.....
1
re: Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
8th Sep 2013 4:17am
Yeah, I only started reading yours a couple of weeks ago as well. Them's the breaks. Some of my older stuff was nothing special anyways. It's hit or miss, though I admit I am satisfied with the way this one turned out.
Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
24th Sep 2013 4:33pm
I think I need to do some spring cleaning so the notable poems don't slip through the cracks.
I read it a few times and could really visualise the scene from the great detail. The description of the person hidden within the imagery of the TV was also cleverly done and didn't pick up on it on the first read.
The challenge of writing a poem from the last lines is very rewarding, especially when the pieces fall into place. Great read!
I read it a few times and could really visualise the scene from the great detail. The description of the person hidden within the imagery of the TV was also cleverly done and didn't pick up on it on the first read.
The challenge of writing a poem from the last lines is very rewarding, especially when the pieces fall into place. Great read!
1
re: Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
25th Sep 2013 2:15am
Thanks man. I figured it was short enough that I could do that. Force the re-read.
Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
26th Apr 2014 12:35pm
re: Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
27th Apr 2014 3:26am
Thanks much. Maybe I'll try to write something new again soon. Just stopped in to check on some friends and I find comments. Nice surprise.
Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
9th Oct 2014 6:04am
Re: busted television with adjectives (acrylic on plexiglass)
25th Aug 2015 3:21am