deepundergroundpoetry.com
maybe i am illuminati
I am thirty three years old
got a bit too much stomach
and I have fluid on my knee
probably had one too many
ring-a-round the roseys
with the ol' nervous system
but I still operate
from a tarnished silver space
between the heart and mind
that speaks behind words
and my spraycan itches
I wanna bomb the police cars
and prison walls
of gods kingdom
just with more poem
than rage
Rebellion has to mature
to live
and that type of growing
is too hot to be held
by the merely aged
The flare up of youth
supplies flicker from rush
but real heat requires ember
to sustain
it's been dawning on me
that these woods
have more wind chimes
hung high up in its trees
than actual spooks
seems the big wheel
with many faces
has but a dozen fuckers
running the light show
half
with bum knees
got a bit too much stomach
and I have fluid on my knee
probably had one too many
ring-a-round the roseys
with the ol' nervous system
but I still operate
from a tarnished silver space
between the heart and mind
that speaks behind words
and my spraycan itches
I wanna bomb the police cars
and prison walls
of gods kingdom
just with more poem
than rage
Rebellion has to mature
to live
and that type of growing
is too hot to be held
by the merely aged
The flare up of youth
supplies flicker from rush
but real heat requires ember
to sustain
it's been dawning on me
that these woods
have more wind chimes
hung high up in its trees
than actual spooks
seems the big wheel
with many faces
has but a dozen fuckers
running the light show
half
with bum knees
Published 30th Aug 2013
| Edited 31st Aug 2013
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30th Aug 2013 2:55am
30th Aug 2013 10:55am
Anonymous
30th Aug 2013 4:17am
just maybe you are lightbaron....
strider
strider
30th Aug 2013 10:55am
30th Aug 2013 5:28am
LB
I get this, the maturing mind of the revolutionist coupled with the ageing process of the body. I think we go through a couple of stages of rebellion, at 18 I'd probably have willingly blown up God's walls, not so much now though, let someone else do it
I like the way last two stanzas bring things to a close and the kind of introduction in the first couple, not sure about the larger gap before the last two but I guess you've got a reason.
no real constructive crit here, an entirely decent offering in my opinion.
good stuff man, shine on
I get this, the maturing mind of the revolutionist coupled with the ageing process of the body. I think we go through a couple of stages of rebellion, at 18 I'd probably have willingly blown up God's walls, not so much now though, let someone else do it
I like the way last two stanzas bring things to a close and the kind of introduction in the first couple, not sure about the larger gap before the last two but I guess you've got a reason.
no real constructive crit here, an entirely decent offering in my opinion.
good stuff man, shine on
30th Aug 2013 10:54am
dig it Craicdealer , thank you
this was in the old "draft" bin, and I sat on it last night trying to make it happen...the space there is just because I feel such a tone change and wrap up, guess I was trying to emphasize it... May not work hahaha, might just be distracting
hmmm
this was in the old "draft" bin, and I sat on it last night trying to make it happen...the space there is just because I feel such a tone change and wrap up, guess I was trying to emphasize it... May not work hahaha, might just be distracting
hmmm
30th Aug 2013 3:09pm
Ah yes we all grow and age. Nicely written lightbaron, you have definitely shined your light on it.
30th Aug 2013 10:40pm
31st Aug 2013 4:08am
I guess when we are younger we broadly categorize the parameters of our distrust. Time has a twisty way of turning circumstances to make he man match them, as opposed to out plans. So what to do... surrender to it, distrust the self (like the title) or learn the lessons you never thought you would need to learn?
I was thinking that you published this before, but I think I'm mixing it up with that one about nostalgia a few weeks back. Conclusion you might come to if you were paranoid was that you had multiple personality disorder and lived half of your life as FBI secretly spying on and oppressing yourself.
Oh yeah forgetting to say anything specific about the words. " just with more poem" should probably be "just more with poem" or "just more with poetry" or I get confused for a second. Besides the kidding nature of it, the title has some good poetry going on in it. Also "it's been dawning on me" is actually a pretty good segue into those last two stanzas because although it's fairly generic it does imply passing time and growth. Really like the ending. "Spooks" is a very apt word wih two sets of connotations.
I really enjoyed it.
I was thinking that you published this before, but I think I'm mixing it up with that one about nostalgia a few weeks back. Conclusion you might come to if you were paranoid was that you had multiple personality disorder and lived half of your life as FBI secretly spying on and oppressing yourself.
Oh yeah forgetting to say anything specific about the words. " just with more poem" should probably be "just more with poem" or "just more with poetry" or I get confused for a second. Besides the kidding nature of it, the title has some good poetry going on in it. Also "it's been dawning on me" is actually a pretty good segue into those last two stanzas because although it's fairly generic it does imply passing time and growth. Really like the ending. "Spooks" is a very apt word wih two sets of connotations.
I really enjoyed it.
31st Aug 2013 7:48am
1. mostly learn the lessons you never thought you would need to learn. that one
2. could see the similarity but yup, nostalgia was a different one...oppressing yourself, I like that..and may agree, in a loose sense...broadly, I hate the "us/them", sometimes it clearly can be applied, but there is no far off "them" that invented the power and control thing, we all have bits of that, sucks but its true...in a literary sense there is plenty of potential, I am thinking of "The Illuminatus Trilogy"- Robert Anton Wilson
3.yeah, that line bothered me but I thought I was sneaking that round peg through the square hole...preciate your eyes, now I am thinking that I may not have, ha...the title came out in the stupidest way: 33- degrees in Freemasony. Really glad those last two stanzas weren't too far removed to work.
Many thanks man on the comments
2. could see the similarity but yup, nostalgia was a different one...oppressing yourself, I like that..and may agree, in a loose sense...broadly, I hate the "us/them", sometimes it clearly can be applied, but there is no far off "them" that invented the power and control thing, we all have bits of that, sucks but its true...in a literary sense there is plenty of potential, I am thinking of "The Illuminatus Trilogy"- Robert Anton Wilson
3.yeah, that line bothered me but I thought I was sneaking that round peg through the square hole...preciate your eyes, now I am thinking that I may not have, ha...the title came out in the stupidest way: 33- degrees in Freemasony. Really glad those last two stanzas weren't too far removed to work.
Many thanks man on the comments
