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bit more rah rah in the a em
instigate heavy, regular, unleaded.
whiskey before breakfast
precious meddling with predicates
on the edifice of penmanship.
etiquette, tenuous at best.
reserved and charming
a varmit who says, "pardon".
an artist with the heart of a-
hedonistic mystic, who built the boat
set its sail, then missed it
that last part
is bitterly realistic
the honesty of linguistics
to twist the issues
with the misuse of brain tissue.
music is magic. rhythm the passion
of the bastard traction of a rebellious static
that was never supposed to happen.
But it did, and still does
and always will
'til it don't.
I,I, captain.
whiskey before breakfast
precious meddling with predicates
on the edifice of penmanship.
etiquette, tenuous at best.
reserved and charming
a varmit who says, "pardon".
an artist with the heart of a-
hedonistic mystic, who built the boat
set its sail, then missed it
that last part
is bitterly realistic
the honesty of linguistics
to twist the issues
with the misuse of brain tissue.
music is magic. rhythm the passion
of the bastard traction of a rebellious static
that was never supposed to happen.
But it did, and still does
and always will
'til it don't.
I,I, captain.
Published 8th Aug 2013
| Edited 7th Aug 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 2
comments 6
reads 783
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
9th Aug 2013 4:54am
LB, I'm not really one for rhyme in poetry, but you did this so effortlessly, and in a way that's not at all contrived, that I barely even realised it was rhyming until I re-read it. You and Missy are the only two poets I've read that can do that, and keep me coming back for more. Thoroughly enjoyed.
Peace, Indie
Peace, Indie
9th Aug 2013 12:05pm
I generally find rhyming to be a simple and boring device, but do on occasion pump these out that are primarily sound exercises based on rhyme...eh sue me, haha...thank you indie
10th Aug 2013 5:53am
i for 1 always like a good flow.i disagree with rhyming being a simple device tho.to do it intelligently with style grace and still deliver a kick in the nuts is a skill. a gift oiften needed to honed. i don't always just read but visualize the verbal delivery. i think you accomplish this well lb. i dig your style brotha....
10th Aug 2013 6:23am
thanks man
and you know what I mean, about the rhyming...as you said the "flow" is so important, and I think that rhyming is often used as a simple device,but it doesn't Have to be. It certainly can get as complex as any other structure...and the interior rhyming and odd breaks, and staggered rhythms...all that shit is good fun.
ps. I am def down to chop up some bars w you... I just got a good functioning comp today, so we will bust it up soon if your in...ill send ya some draft bars, and/or you do the same
peace bro!
and you know what I mean, about the rhyming...as you said the "flow" is so important, and I think that rhyming is often used as a simple device,but it doesn't Have to be. It certainly can get as complex as any other structure...and the interior rhyming and odd breaks, and staggered rhythms...all that shit is good fun.
ps. I am def down to chop up some bars w you... I just got a good functioning comp today, so we will bust it up soon if your in...ill send ya some draft bars, and/or you do the same
peace bro!
23rd Aug 2013 1:37am
haha this was some tight work!!!!! "hedonistic mystic, who built the boat
set its sail, then missed it " fave line.... just smacks the reader around a bit haha..oh man this was fun to read. I actually read it aloud a bit excited, good stuff man.
set its sail, then missed it " fave line.... just smacks the reader around a bit haha..oh man this was fun to read. I actually read it aloud a bit excited, good stuff man.
23rd Aug 2013 1:47am
