deepundergroundpoetry.com
I Had Heaven
Turn time, Angel
Set us back and let
the heavy salt air bless
one more breath
setting my flight to beat Icharus'
soaring rending furies
in one last storm
or granting soundless tranquility
in the still
of another dawn
I'll follow you gladly
if I can take one last
burst of lust
and fall asleep in the sun
with no sound
but of the water's
crash and sweep
drifting those hours away
Lend one more day, Angel
so I can surrender myself
to this ride down the Styx
content
with that final bow
to the heaven
I'll have left in the sea.
Set us back and let
the heavy salt air bless
one more breath
setting my flight to beat Icharus'
soaring rending furies
in one last storm
or granting soundless tranquility
in the still
of another dawn
I'll follow you gladly
if I can take one last
burst of lust
and fall asleep in the sun
with no sound
but of the water's
crash and sweep
drifting those hours away
Lend one more day, Angel
so I can surrender myself
to this ride down the Styx
content
with that final bow
to the heaven
I'll have left in the sea.
Published 12th Dec 2010
| Edited 13th Dec 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 1
comments 13
reads 1025
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
12th Dec 2010 2:23pm
18th Dec 2010 7:19pm
12th Dec 2010 3:20pm
....Jesta - but I'm wondering if by going tighter you could squeeze even more drama from your poet's soul.
'Long the lines of:
Reverse time, Angel
rewind a little
Let the heavy salt air
feed my senses
one more breath
to soar orchestral furies
in one last storm
Dangle my legs
over the dock
to the still
of one more dawn
Whichever way you go, this is a nice move.
Best ~ Abra
'Long the lines of:
Reverse time, Angel
rewind a little
Let the heavy salt air
feed my senses
one more breath
to soar orchestral furies
in one last storm
Dangle my legs
over the dock
to the still
of one more dawn
Whichever way you go, this is a nice move.
Best ~ Abra
18th Dec 2010 7:17pm
i am a bit long-winded sometimes when i'm trying to explain a feeling, so you've definitely given me something ponderable. so i will ponder. thanks for checking in, that's awesome. [:
14th Dec 2010 3:10am
18th Dec 2010 7:20pm
14th Dec 2010 11:44pm
Any reference to mythology gets an approving glance from yours truly, especially if the writer knows about which they are writing.
(A quick aside, then: The Styx was a grim and dismal river capable of making anyone bathing in it invulnerable. The gods themselves swore oaths upon the river and any who would break such an oath had to drink from the river, causing them to lose their voices for nine years and be exiled for nine more.)
That being said, whether you knew it or not, its reference adds so much depth and meaning to this wonderful piece. Even without the additional info though, this piece is amazing. I'm very happy to see you opening up and letting more out and it is also good to acknowledge how good it is. Great work, Jesta. I look forward to consuming more of your morsels.
(A quick aside, then: The Styx was a grim and dismal river capable of making anyone bathing in it invulnerable. The gods themselves swore oaths upon the river and any who would break such an oath had to drink from the river, causing them to lose their voices for nine years and be exiled for nine more.)
That being said, whether you knew it or not, its reference adds so much depth and meaning to this wonderful piece. Even without the additional info though, this piece is amazing. I'm very happy to see you opening up and letting more out and it is also good to acknowledge how good it is. Great work, Jesta. I look forward to consuming more of your morsels.
18th Dec 2010 7:24pm
i have to admit right now, that i know only the basics about the Styx in Greek mythology, but i've always had a soft spot for it, though i haven't had much chance to study as i would like. thanks for the quick fact, there, Aesop. [;
22nd Dec 2010 7:13am
22nd Dec 2010 9:19am
6th Jan 2011 00:03am
20th Jan 2011 4:00pm
This is beautiful dear! I'm not good at offering anything constructive, I just know what I like and I like this! Thanks for posting.
20th Jan 2011 5:41pm
thanks guys, i've changed it a lot since first posting it, i'm glad it's still making happy for people. [:
haha, muchas gracias, Mo!
haha, muchas gracias, Mo!
