Drug Induced Self-Debate  Revised 2013

Drug Induced Self-Debate
By Jasmine Scofield
-REVISED ON JULY 30 2013-



Take a second, and
-STOP!
Now, think of your life,
when you look in the mirror,
-What do you see?


"My eyes...
-They're EMPTY,
like my soul is slowly disapating."

LOOKING BACK....
would you have ever in your miserable, pittiful, and just
plain USELESS life, think you'd ONEDAY wind-up..
-A DEGENERATE
  -A LOW-LIFE, and
i really hate to be so brutally honest, but
you've turned into what you've hated for years....
-A FUCKING HYPACRITIAL,
TWO-FACED BITCH, with DOUBLE-STANDARDS!!

"THIS RAGE WILL NOT CEASE!"
"My heart...
inside feels FROZEN, and
NO LONGER has a beat,
NO LONGER has life!
My LIFELESS body lay still,
BEATEN and BLOODY!!"

-Honestly...
I believe tht it can be concidered,
"SAFE TO SAY,"
-you've finally LOST IT, gone completely MADD!!!
You wake up....
(and who would have thought it to be so bluntly obvious)
have to return to this unfortunate, long and waisted journey,
in which society calls, "LIFE!!!"
Hopefully this life,
this world,
will somehow, god forbid it......
GET BETTER!!!!

Look at what you're FUCKING turning into,
Do you really NOT see,
what you'te becoming?
-OR-
are you so clouded within you intoxicated & delusional,
FUCKED-UP way to hide from the pain!?
(If you DON'T want to think of YOURSELF, or focus on YOU,
-THINK OF YOUR MOTHER!!
What in your right mind, would you think is worth risking
ALL the work she had lived for and killed herself
trying to protect and keep.
-CUZ, she NEVER really had much, in the first place!!!-

"ALL I want is to be NUMB....
in this I am successful.  I get LOST within my,
(as you say)
"DELUSIONAL FANTASIES,"
-My fairytales, made up to lose those bad parts of past visions,
Permenently imprinted,
-Like a file on a computer, or ink on the wall!-
Will I ever truly be able to contain this MONSTER which i keep locked deep within self-conscience?
THIS RAGING MONSTER,
which only fuels every murderous thought, and psychotic plan, that my "So Called" DARK AND DEMENTED MIND, seems to conjure up
-plotting and planning-
Why must it be a day to day ,
neverending, constant battle to
"STAY SANE?"

"I sware my INSANITY is hanging.
on a VERY thin line,
- A VERY FUCKING THIN LINE!! -
at any moment-
WITHOUT WARNING....
I WILL, (with no doubt in my mind),
eventually an inadvertidly, someday soon
-SNAP!!!
and, By The Way,
in NO WAY are these MY
-TRUE INTENTIONS!!"

So, WHY SAY YES?....
- if every time you hit the shit, you bitch yourself out...
but still it comes back around,
and given the choice to
SAY NO, and simply WALK AWAY.....
NO becomes a word that you're no longer able to say.
(Totally slipping your mind!)
So thoughtless,            
          &
            and empty,
That mind, so....
-DAMAGED and SCARED,
-TORTURED and BEATEN,
-BATTERED and BLEEDING,
How are you still SANE?

"When I'm High...
I feel NOTHING-
NO EMOTION, NO PAIN
-ALL FEELINGS, (good or bad)
DISAPPERAR!!
My mother said to me the other day that
"I HAD THE SCOFIELD EYE,"
(which in my head means that MY SOUL IS EMPTY!!)
I often feel this dark, demon-like presence,
which in turn surrounds my ora and possesses me
inadvertidly taking control of what little kindness I have that proceeds to flow from
My LOST and FRAGILE heart,
there has got to be a different way to make myself NUMB,
or at least OBLIVIOUS of what is going on in the world around me!"

OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES!!
I mean actually, and truly open your eyes, and
- FINALLY NOTICE!-
that all that comes is a DARK DELUSIONAL ELUSION.
Yes, the pain is gone for a while; buy eventually ALL the PAIN, EMOTION and SHAME only then comes back, flowing wildly like a RAGING RIVER, until
-DEAD STOP...
you hit a wall.
CAN'T YOU SEE IT??
you've crashed, FUCKING HARD TOO
-TOOK A BRICK TO YOUR FACE!!

This path in which you've chosen...
it's NOT a good one!!
cut off this road in which you now walk,
and choose another one .
Make a quick LIFT
or RIGHT TURN...
Fuck It, and just TURN AROUND.
Make your own path and pave your own road,
"A ROAD TO SUCCESS" and "A JOURNEY TO VICTORY"
WHY NOT!!
Just start over and REWRITE YOUR DESTINY!!

This time, make sure you're the one in which HOLDS THE PEN!!!
[/font]