Games Laced With Disorders, Hiding the Truth

Streetlights
give me a glowing pallor,
illuminating my eyes
as I look
for you.
Skin flashing in the dim,
singsong voice,
"don't run from me Jack,
you know I'll find you"
Hushed chuckles
prick my lust,
god I love your voice.
"come get me Brina,
or I'll get you"
I press my back against
brick.
Tip-toe to the alley.
Stillettoes on asphalt,
click, click, click.
Silence.
I scan for your strong arms when
"gotcha!"
hands wrap around my throat,
pinning me to the cold walls.
A yank and my shirt screeches,
button-tears falling.
"you little slut, trying to run from me"
sharp kisses and barred teeth.
"you bastard, creeping in alleys"
I push you to the ground,
holding you with my knees.
Your hand snakes up,
reaching unknowable depths.
You roll on top of me, bits of broken glass and rock
stinging my shoulders.
"look at this pretty skirt,"
a rip, it's gone.
A moment of disconnection hits me.
Looking at my own body, my own shredded clothes.
This isn't me is it?
"look at me bitch"
Yanking my hair. Cold blue eyes, lifeless.
"this is what you want"
You've told me so many times.
You rape me.
But it's not rape, is it?
When it's the only thing holding me together?
No,
Height of pleasure through pain.
I'll limp back to you with cuts, bruieses,
a broken soul,
but I'll never say no.
I'll say,
Fuck me harder,
but I'll never say no.