blood zen

 

hospital bed
night time
sleeping badly
wake in the dark
not sure what hour it is
lay still
listen
snoring
occasional door slams from the corridor
the machines hooked up to me
blinking sighing

press the buzzer
nurse comes
gives morphine
checks my lines like servicing a machine

she smells of anticeptic handwash
looks tired
writes in my notes
takes my piss bottle away

I lie
look along the hose coming out my guts
watch my blood drain through it
into a bag labelled toxic waste

not sure if I like that name

remember the sun
remember the sea
remember tomorrow will come

the morphine sneaks on
a pretend kind of comfort

think hard on what day it is
can't nail it down
give up
never so Zen as now

only two states of living;
in here
out there