run son

 

been running forever
used to cut out of home while still in nappies
make a run for it
would come back hungry tired
with secrets in my eyes

got so that mum wouldn't come looking
knew I'd find her

by the time I was 8 I was packing for overnighters
once walked miles up a creek bed
found an abandoned house
hidden in bush
full of wasps nests
with stairs that led to a room
crammed full of old newspapers
yellowed and dry
read them for hours

the room smelled like the forest
that was eating it

tried to spend the night there
made a bed of paper
but the creaking noises
and my imagination
beat me
'til I ran for home

climbed in my bedroom window
to find the cat curled over the hot water bottle
mum had put in my bed

loved her for it

remember the cat complaining
as I lifted him off

crawled in
pulled the covers over my head
dreamed of haunted things
now that I was safe

another night like that I woke dream-screaming
mum came to me in the dark
said "you can change your dreams if you want
when they are getting scary"

she must have said it at just the right age
'cos that was the last nightmare
I ever felt was taking me

final time I ran I was 14
cut out of home angry at everything
and old enough to get gone and stay gone

came home a week and a half later
looking for money

she never said a word

don't think she'd even noticed I'd gone
so lost in her own prescription-pill story


a few months later
I cried when she kicked me out
broken in the chest

never went back

even when I got hungry