chipped

the trickles of heavy sighs escape
and i am pounding my fists on the
soft
of my thigh
searching for an emotion to latch on
and finding none.

the silhouettes of desperate fingers
clenching.clenching.clenching
i don't know what the fuck i am doing
but i don't feel lost
because confusion
is where my home is -
a warm feeling that clogs my breath
and taints the unsteady beating
of an old heart exhausted

rusted and misused.

welcome to a night of clarity
where all is murky
and my mind is stale.