Daughters of The Addict

She brings strangers into her so-called home and together they use,
They pierce their scarred and worn out skin with a needle, waiting for the fluid to diffuse,
They are taken into another dimension where they are unable to communicate or care,
She often forgets that she has three delicate girls who also live there,
The eldest daughter is five at the time and the youngest is barely six months old,
The house is dull, dark and dirty and it usually gets extremely cold,
The girls are frightened by the many strange people in a place where they’re supposed to feel safe,
Yet how can they feel or be safe when there are used needles all over the place?,

“Kate needs her nappy changed, she’s all smelly mummy”
“Mummy, I’m hungry and there’s a rumble in my tummy”
“Mummy, we’re all hungry and there’s nothing to eat”
They beg and they plead but they have to admit defeat,
Their mother is too busy thinking about her next fix,
Wondering where she’ll get the money and not about the risk,
She puts her children’s lives in danger, forgetting that they exist,
And they watch as she stabs another needle into her wrist,

The girls search the house and can only find one thing to eat – a chocolate bar,
They divide it between themselves and still save their mother one half,
They want to look after mummy even though she only cares for herself,
And even then she cares not for her health,
“Mummy Kate won’t stop crying, I gave her some of my toys and she’s still sad”
She turns to her four year old sister, her eyebrows lowered, a look of confusion on her face, “is mummy mad?”
He sister shrugs and places a blanket over her mother who is still in a world of her own,
She places a kiss upon her cheek, gathers her things and plans to leave home,

They try and climb to reach the door handle but fail to succeed,
Fresh air, sunlight, food, water and love is all they need,
But from their mother they shall not receive any care,
No fresh clothes to wear or a brush for their matted hair,
No food to eat and barely anything to drink,
They live off tap water from the filth ridden sink,
Kate is strapped in her pram and left behind the door day after day,
She’s not been changed for a while and her mother is still in a land far away,

The girls find the house phone and find their Nan’s number saved,
“Will you come and get us; we’ve not eaten in days?”
“Where’s your mother, hasn’t she got anything?”
“She’s asleep again and Kate keeps screaming”
“Okay, don’t worry I’ll be there soon, try and find the key”
The girls start searching for the key to the door on their hands and their knees,
They post it through the letter box and their Nan lets herself in,
Her heart drops seeing her daughter in such a state and the filthy conditions the girls have been living in,
She whisks them away from that dreadful place and raises them from then on,
Their mother gets her life together, finds a partner and a fourth child is born,
The girls are in their teens and are now able to comprehend,
Why their mother ways always asleep and her behaviour they condemn,

At the age of fourteen, the middle daughter goes to live with her mother,
But she is manipulated and forced to raise her new born brother,
She thinks that her mother is clean and doesn’t mind helping,
She thinks her mother is a little depressed and ignores her continuous yelling,
After a year she wonders why she’s still raising her brother,
And wonders why she barely sees her mother,
Her mother is always disappearing upstairs to ‘have her insulin’,
But she’s been up there for hours and doubt starts to creep in,
However, her daughter is quite naïve,
And her mother’s lies she continues to believe,

One day she notices marks on her mother’s arm and her heart sinks,
She realises that she’s been lied to again and she stops to think,
She goes upstairs and finds her mother’s ‘insulin box’ and peeks inside,
And by its contents she’s a little surprised,
White powder, needles, syringes, metal plates, the lot,
Her eyes fill up and she closes the box,
This explains the endless hours spent babysitting,
It explains where her mother went missing,
It explains why her mother was often away and dreaming,
It explains everything.

She goes numb and decides not to tell her mother that she can see through the lies,
Instead she acts as if nothing happens and a part of her dies,
She blames herself for her mother’s relapse and begins to change,
She’s anxious and depressed and her own mother is the one to blame,
She was often yelled at her when she was too tired to care for her younger sibling,
“You’re a selfish little bitch, you don’t do anything for me, I hate you”- but she did everything,

Now, one year later she’s at home with her Nan once again,
But she is living in endless despair and in pain,
Worrying about her brother’s safety and blaming herself,
Wondering why her mother insists on corrupting her own health,
Her mother is still unaware that she knows and this is how it will remain,
Because her mother refuses to give in, refuses any help and so refuses to change.