Self Reflection

I've been feeling low,
need to climb out
from this hole of depression,
rather than bury myself
within it.

I've lied to friends and family,
but more importantly I've lied
to myself.

I have a problem that needs
to be addressed,
and the only way to clean
what has become tainted
is to wipe away the stains,
so I can save myself
from being covered in this filth.

My work environment
is not a positive atmosphere,
n'or are the majority of people
that surround it,
I don't benefit from my hard work,
I don't see any change,
all there is for me is dull,
grey, demanding routine
without any thanks
or appreciation for the time,
effort and energy I clock in
and out every day.

I have lost my happiness,
my creativity is darkening,
I am beginning to turn
my back on social activities,
friends and family responsibilities.

I eat on the run,
fast food just slows me down,
junk and energy drinks
keep me unhealthily fuelled;
it's taking a physical toll
and I don't know how
much more I can endure.

My smile has frowned,
the beauty of love
has wilted before me;
I have been alone,
empty for years.

I count the time
obsessively,
I clean, I clean and I clean,
to keep my mind occupied,
but work and home life
remains in disorder.

I want to be
a better person,
I don't want
this poison within myself anymore,
I want to enjoy
the night and day,
not just a few hours
here and there
fighting to be free.

I don't want to feel cloudy
when I wake up to rain,
I want to embrace the day,
to make changes for the better,
to live at peace with myself
and the decisions I make.

I want to see life again
without all of this darkness
surrounding me,
and I need help
finding a way out.