Past Memory (part 1)

I'm not the type to open myself up.
It's too raw,
I feel too bare.
I did it once. It went horribly wrong,
My heart shattered beyond repair.

I've lived for 19 years,
and I don't remember the first five.
I've decided to tell you a story,
on the the events that has occurred so far in my life.

I'm an insomniac,
I've not slept as yet.
Something told me to get up and write,
at exaclty (am) 5:48.

My dad and mom are divorced,
just like most of the parent society are.
I'm actually really glad they did,
if not, they'd have killed each other by now.

My innocence.
My childhood.
Was taken from me.
I was once a grape yet to be suckled.
I was too young,
Did you know it was my uncle?

I'm luckier than most.
I keep thanking Goddess.
I could have gotten it worst, if I dare screamed,
so I forced myself, to suffer in silence.
I couldn't walk straight for days
and nobody notice.
Then again,
there was no one who could have taken care of us.
I thought that by telling my mom,
she would be my protection, myhaven.
But to my shock, she didn't believe,
She said I was making it up,
I was seven.

My uncertainty grew.
My ability, to trust people,
is as thin as a thread.
I've lost count, on how many times,
I've wished I was dead.
I'm not sure, if I was born,
to be tried and tested like this.
Maybe just to see if I was strong enough to survive.
I didn't sign up for any of it.

The nightmares haunted me,
due to recurring encounters,
He did it all
I didn't make noise,
just blanked out,
My little sisters were in the other room,
down the hall.

My mother was a stripper,
atleast that's what I want to think.
When she wasn't there most of the night,
she would some times come home with new gold necklaces,
earings and other shiny things.

I was separated from my sisters,
at the age of nine.
I was a disturbed little girl,
who never showed any emotion,
muchless cry.
My advice to them, was to keep each other safe,
and in my absence, try
Not to fight.
I don't know if they even remember,
Since they've all grown.
They don't know,
But I think the seed was sown.

I'm still not sure if I should
      continue with this little project poem.
Reliving those past nightmares,
       I'll always be that victim.
I'm just hoping some one,
       Can relate to them.

I'll stop here for now,
This is just the my first entry.
A need a breather, just enough to collect myself,
Since this is the first time,
I'm truelly reliving all these memories