"From within"

The end is near.
The end is here.
What is there that i fear?
What i see.
What i feel.
What is fake?
What is real?
All i know is pain.
All i know is death.
Nothing stays the same.
In life i've lost my faith.
Only in my lord do i have.
My god i know i've been bad.
Most of my life i've been sad.
Lost everything i once had.
I hold no hate.
For noone do i stay mad.
Poetry is all i know.
Writing is my only outlet.
Poetry is the only way i can go.
Nothing in this life did i ever forget.
From the soul.
To the mind.
With the movement of my hand the words flow.
Time after time i wished i was special.
Again and again never though i could be special.
I am not special.
Never will be special.
All there is left to say is,
Goodbye cruel world.
Goodbye to my friends.
Goodbye to my family.
Goodbye to my wife.
Goodbye to everyone.
Goodbye to my hardships.
Goodbye to my hurt.
Goodbye to my pain.
Goodbye to everything.
Tomorrow brings nothing for me.
Tomorrow only presents misery for me.
Dreams of success.
Dreams of happiness.
Dreams of bliss.
Chasing dreams.
Chasing bottles.
Not liqour bottles.
More like pill bottles.
Migraines poppin' in &  out of my head.
I'm not big on pride.
To be real,i'm not gonna lie.
There is very little that makes me cry.
Everyday i ask myself why?
Why does my father hate me so?
Why has he cut me from his life?
Why doesn't he love me anymore?
When i think of this it brings tears to my eye's.
All things in life fall apart.
What happened?
What happened?
Where did the time go?
Where did they go?
Where did the communication go?
Where did the feelings go?
Lastly,where did the love go?
When i die,i don't wanna go to hell.
Even though i'm not worth spit,that ain't hard to tell.
Break down and cry myself to sleep.
Break down and pill myself to sleep.
Break down and lose my mind completely.
Hello apocalyptic hellish world.
Where in gods sweet name do i belong?
What i crave daily is caffeine & pills.
Cures my migraines,stops the insomnia.
I do what i gotta do to help me.
No one else sure as hell ain't gonna help me.
So what if i'm not longed for this world.
I'm talking about right now.
Right now i need the headaches to stop.
Stop.stop.stop.stop.effing stop.
Paranoia at it's best.
Anxiety at it's best.
Manic depression at it's best.
Mentality is fragile.
Mentally life is not for me.
I have many painful regrets.
So much,i just can't forget.
The fire that is supposed to burn within me.
That fire has been completely smothered out.
Extinguished at age 11.
I feel bad.
I feel sad.
I feel shame.
I feel hate for myself.
Holding onto the pain.
I've lost myself.
I don't know where to begin to find myself.
If i ever play the blame game.
The game is between me,myself & i.
When shall they come to take me away?
Where will they take me to?
Early morning,when i awaken.................
First thoughts out of my mind, "oh no".
Another day of inconcievable pain.
Another day of spit,only myself to blame.
Another day of breathing,feeling nothing but shame.
Maybe i do need to get back onto my meds.
Maybe,to fix all these jumbled thoughts in my head.
Too bad nothing ever stays the same.
Born failure,born loser,born coulda been,woulda,coulda,shoulda.
disintegrate right before my eye's.
Nice guy's finish last playing mr. nice guy.
If ya can't handle the lyrics,put the book down.
We all have a personal hell.
All who care or don't,have their own story to tell.
Brought up just like everyone i know.
Into a family that's dysfunctional,oh no.
Many a time i say,i forgive all who wronged me.
Many a time i say,"i love you",
To those who don't give a damn about me.
Got a new wife,a part of my doomed life.
Like any other relationship,there is strife.
Even now i still gots love for my wife.
Even now love grows stronger.
Even now i pray it lasts longer.
My pain makes me wanna escape.
My pain tries to make me hate.
When will this all come to it's bitter end?
The word family doesn't mean anything in my family.
It's just a word.
It holds no strength or power.
Family is worthless.
All the family i have is my wife & brother.
All the others have done away with me like used rubbers.
So like a friend i ask, "Is This The End?