Goodbye

Wow...suicidal thoughts,well fashioned...
It says a lot but very short. I can relate to this

Dusty,

Sometimes short still gets the point across. Thank you for the comment and for reading.

YOu do get straight to the point...Its a wonderful but incredible dark! sometime wish you would try to be happy and see the beauty life has to offer you, besides living in a shell of pure darkness!!

Sorry, I only see beauty in death. I never felt much connection to life and happiness is so far from my reach. Thanks for the comment

This is powerful n sad... Sad becuz I read ur bio n the reply above... "Happiness is so far from your reach??"
I can't help wonder... Do you NOT find happiness
with your children? N also wouldn't they be
crushed if you just fulfilled ur wish to die? Don't expect ans.
Just wondering aloud. Still you wrote with a very strong voice.

Poeticmind,

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my piece.

I do believe that every good question deserves an answer. Simply put I do find a few moments of happiness and yes, these moments do revolve around my children, but nothing that erases my true desire as sad as that may be.

Sherrie,

ok, short and to the point. clearly people are getting what you're putting across which is most of the battle, so nice one.

There is a clash of tenses though, you shift between past and present. that sticks out because of the shortness of the poem.

it'll just take a minute to sort it though, I would suggest something along these lines:


I entered this world
With morbid thoughts
mortal, just wanting to die  

and lived a life
never really wanted
just awaited the chance
to say goodbye


you'll see that it's all in the past tense now, which might be more apt.

anyhow, good stuff, shine on
     

Craic,

Thank you for taking the time to read my piece and give me feedback. I have edited the piece, and do agree it looks and sounds better. Thank you again for your time.

Simply wonderful. Powerful.

Lobodesanpedro
Thank you for your comment I am glad you liked it.