MY Life

More hopeful pills today
Trying to appear ‘normal’ in some sort of way.
Tears fall like raindrops from a soul filled with fear,
Fear of darkness within both far and so near
It seems that the struggle is always here with me
And I wouldn’t be here now if guilt would leave me be
I know there’s been many who’ve had it worse than I
Life as I know it may soon cease to be
For the pain that laid dormant is now free in me
People say I have a lot going for me
I’m sorry, but I just can’t see, I can’t see because my worst enemy
Is not my life, but inside of me.
I give in to pleasure that is twisted and dark
This pain that's within will soon leave its mark
Lucid at times and fearing what's next?
But insanity reassures me, I'll enjoy the big wreck
I'll glow in the torment, which takes over my mind
And relish in darkness, which is so easy to find
With very little energy wanting to stay in bed
Wishing to be enthusiastic
Instead of feeling like I’m made of lead.
Wanting to be excited wanting to care for more
But when nothing makes sense
It’s hard because my focus is poor.
Cluttered mind, cluttered thinking
It’s hard to keep in touch with what is happening around me
And not to worry too much.
I feel that everybody is better than me
And that I can’t do anything right.
This is how I’ve felt my whole damn life
It didn’t just start last night.
No confidence, no self-esteem everybody else is right
To speak my mind is to be a fool, so I just try to ‘sit tight.’
Any one of these problems would be a heavy vice
But when you have them ALL
Living seems like a roll of the dice.