deepundergroundpoetry.com
You...
As light shines in through the open window...
You lie there...
Eyes closed...
Lost in a world of sleep...
Laid out...relaxed...without a care...
Peaceful...
Beautiful...
Like marmite on toast...and fishfinger sandwiches...
And toffee cheesecake...and crumpets...
You make me smile...
And make me laugh...as we hide away in our secret place...
And all the world can let us be...
Just you and me...
Just you...
And me...
You lie there...
Eyes closed...
Lost in a world of sleep...
Laid out...relaxed...without a care...
Peaceful...
Beautiful...
Like marmite on toast...and fishfinger sandwiches...
And toffee cheesecake...and crumpets...
You make me smile...
And make me laugh...as we hide away in our secret place...
And all the world can let us be...
Just you and me...
Just you...
And me...
Published 30th Oct 2010
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1st Nov 2010 1:52pm
Love to watch you...'You lie there.../Eyes closed.../Lost in a world of sleep...' Sharing joy...'Just you.../And me...' A beautiful write.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing.
1st Nov 2010 5:11pm
1st Nov 2010 9:56pm
2nd Nov 2010 1:02pm
2nd Nov 2010 1:29pm
and the simplicity is awesome...the simple lines and short lines are crafted artistically.
2nd Nov 2010 8:36pm
Great control here. Perhaps a couple of words could change up, like the word relaxed...a little bit obvious since you have just told us the person is asleep. (It may be that you are using 'ordinary' language deliberately, and if so, cool cool and never mind me)
Strong poem.
Strong poem.
