what can i do

I don't know why i cut myself
I guess i like seeing the blood
Drip off my hand and fall into my mouth
Wipe the blood away and ask why

I'm in pain and I can do nothing about it
I put on a fake smile to not show it
I pity for the person who makes me snap

I rather live in hell, than where i live now
At lease I have somebody with the same pain
and nobody has to lite my pipe

I wish every night for a father figure
My real dad does shit for me
He always steal my shit and yell at me

I wish I knew what love is
To treasure someone in my arms
To now someone is there by my side

Sometimes I wish I wasn't born
So I don't see my pain grow in me
So I don't cry myself to sleep
So I don't see my my close friends die
and to see my mom in pain.

What can i do, I ask this question every day
I get no response, only more angure
What can I do, when I have a knife