Mad...at the Mirror

I look in this mirror
and I get mad...
 
I see too many lines
that shouldnt be there...
 
I look into my own soul...
and see too much regret
lodged there...immovable
unshakable....and
I get mad...
 
I get mad because  
my mind goes back to when my soul was
young and free...
I see myself when my gifts  
in the spirit were fresh and new
and....I saw Love.
I saw Love ...
and it bloomed in me like honeysuckle
and roses...
 
It bloomed in me like wildflowers
on a country hill....
 
Now..
I see myself
this husk...
this shell...
This woman full of emptiness
instead of wonder...and
I am mad...
I am mad as hell
because My soulmate
hasnt chosen to reincarnate
leaving me here...
On this rock...
cold...searching ...and Alone
 
I am mad....
because the wrong one
(and there are many)
Always wants to grace my door
Trying to pretend to be "The One"
 
I look into this mirror now...
and there are no secrets...
I ...can not hide
from myself....
This  charade Ive been playing
with myself is over....
I have suffered enough...
 
I am mad...
because I Know...
in order to gain my self back
 
I am gonna have...
to let a part of my self go...
 
That bitter bitch...
she has to go...
 
That angry seething woman
must be evicted...
That fearful woman child....
Has to grow up now....and
 
I ....am mad....
 
I am mad as hell
because I refuse to settle
for anything less than
the happiness Anscestors
promised that I could have....
 
 
I am mad ...because
My life...may have to be lived out
without ever having the Love
I truely desire....
and I still have to be grateful...
 
I am mad ...
because I dont have control over life
and death....
Yet My thoughts bring life
and death can manifest from my tongue
if I allow it....
 
A cruel trick if you ask me....
 
Yet...that is the way it is...
As this life ever moves forward
into the future....
 
I look into this mirror
facing myself....
No time for tears...
 
Thats why...
I get so...
damn...
mad.