deepundergroundpoetry.com
Blossoms of Hope
Stretching far as eye can see,
A field of flowers dances in the breeze.
O’er emerald grass, a yellow sea
Of blossoms waves with glee.
They are a truly lovely sight,
A field of joy, a sea of delight.
Shining so golden and so bright,
They rival the Sun in glorious light.
Blooming golden every spring,
They truly are a beauteous thing.
A cheerful yellow, with hope they ring;
They make us yearn to dance and sing.
In their presence, no one’s cryin’,
But they seek to crush this golden Zion,
Hope to slay these cheerful diamonds;
Such the lowly dandelion.
A field of flowers dances in the breeze.
O’er emerald grass, a yellow sea
Of blossoms waves with glee.
They are a truly lovely sight,
A field of joy, a sea of delight.
Shining so golden and so bright,
They rival the Sun in glorious light.
Blooming golden every spring,
They truly are a beauteous thing.
A cheerful yellow, with hope they ring;
They make us yearn to dance and sing.
In their presence, no one’s cryin’,
But they seek to crush this golden Zion,
Hope to slay these cheerful diamonds;
Such the lowly dandelion.
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likes 4
reading list entries 0
comments 13
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Blossoms of Hope
10th May 2013 7:15am
Really lovely.
I like the old feel of some words.
Keep rivaling the sun with your strong poetry!
I like the old feel of some words.
Keep rivaling the sun with your strong poetry!
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Re: Blossoms of Hope
Anonymous
10th May 2013 7:48am
Beautifully worded, much enjoyed and much admired!
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Re: Blossoms of Hope
This time you've made the consecutive line rhymes work much better. It is a lovely nature poem.
I'm prejudiced in favour of dandelions as the only source of food for the queen bumble bees when they emerge. I need their offspring to pollinate my fruit trees, strawberries and beans. I'd love you to do for dandelions what Wordsworth did for useless daffodils.
I'm prejudiced in favour of dandelions as the only source of food for the queen bumble bees when they emerge. I need their offspring to pollinate my fruit trees, strawberries and beans. I'd love you to do for dandelions what Wordsworth did for useless daffodils.
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Re: Blossoms of Hope
10th May 2013 8:09pm
Darlin
This read well out loud (which is one of the charms of rhyme, it's lyrical quality/ the musicality of it)It is a bit cliched *smiles* (one of the pitfalls of learning to rhyme well) As you pick up on how the rhyme works, and read more, you will step away from that.
This is a solid start Atarliss. You did some good work here Hun :)
This read well out loud (which is one of the charms of rhyme, it's lyrical quality/ the musicality of it)It is a bit cliched *smiles* (one of the pitfalls of learning to rhyme well) As you pick up on how the rhyme works, and read more, you will step away from that.
This is a solid start Atarliss. You did some good work here Hun :)
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re: Re: Blossoms of Hope
11th May 2013 3:06am
Re: Blossoms of Hope
11th May 2013 3:29am
Thats very good, with good imagery. Room for improvement, Atarliss, but you are getting there.
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re: Re: Blossoms of Hope
11th May 2013 8:50am
Re: Blossoms of Hope
11th May 2013 9:01am
Re. Blossoms of Hope
25th Aug 2015 2:47pm
The rhyming is usually not the first thing I see... but for some reason ... i love the nostalgia of it.
Apart from ... such a beautiful piece.
And the writing was superb..
Great Work!
Darker.
Apart from ... such a beautiful piece.
And the writing was superb..
Great Work!
Darker.
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