The Two Pole Pratt

Gaiters, big boots and a bobble hat,
And lots of pricey stuff like that,
And just to prove I am a serious walker
I sometimes wear a deer stalker,

As walking is my one true passion,
I have to dress in the latest fashion,
My gear’s the best and to let you know
I make sure designer labels show

But the thing that sets me apart from you,
And the ordinary walking that you do,
Are the walking poles I really need,
So I progress with grace and speed,

I get: “You look like a skier who’s lost his skis,
And smart-arsed comments just like these,
As I prod ineffectually at the ground,
The biggest prat for miles around,

Novices can only use one pole,
To own another one is their goal,
And they will not be satisfied,
‘Til for a second pole they’re qualified.

I tramp for hours over hill and dale,
Nothing stops me snow, fog or hail,
For I must be seen by others keen,
And I judge them upon where they’ve been.

“Oh yes, I did that walk last year,
Not challenging enough for me now my dear,
I need a much longer, steeper hill,
To thrash my poles with the utmost skill.

I’m oft seen posing in country pub,
With a pint and some expensive grub,
Sandwiches and flask would never do,
That would make me ordinary just like you.

The wife donned her gear on the other day,
I asked “Over the hills and far away?”
“No” she said “but I have to pop,
Around the corner to the local shop.”

“You see I feel the urge to pose,
To make sure everybody knows,
That underneath this silly hat,
Lives a dedicated two pole prat.” 