Submissions by Riruka (Mystique no 4)

I am a vessel of someone else's emotions.

I am a complexity of someone else's moods.

I am just a lost vacant corpse whose soul is an imitation of someone else's.

"I want to make you happy!" He said; they all say.

Silly ignorant souls.

I can never be happy.

I am someone else everyday.

I watch the sun rise and see it go down.
I blink once, I blink twice, but my eyes never close.
I dream awake, I slice through the day with nightmares.
Pills, drugs, meditation don’t help.
I am tired, so tired.
Yet I still close my eyes in hope, and find out soon, in vain as well.
What am I tired from?
The world, the pain, the horrors of humanity, the everyday monogamy!?
It is not as if I am burdened like those bastards whose heads bleed without a wound.
I am tired.
My mental state is in constant turmoil without revealing why.
A modern Sisyphus you...

I get up, I struggle to get out of bed and think to myself if the day is worth it.
I struggle with my existence, ‘Is today the day I die? Do I even care?’
I put my foot on the floor, one after the other, and bring myself up.
I walk to the window of my tiny apartment and look down on the world.
All the busy bees fly about and get on with their business.
Oh how frantic the world seems, and the weather, sunny.
Why does it never rain in this town?
I can understand the rain more than the sun.
The sun is blinding and mischievous and the rain;
The rain is pure...

It is all those lives you have taken,
All those new beginnings I swore I had.
It is my heart you broke long ago in million pieces,
And you keep breaking it, breaking it.
You have disrupted my mental peace and caused chaos instead.
My mind is now scattered and weak and slowly disappearing into madness.
Is that it? Is that all you can do?
Just take it, take everything, I got nothing left anyway.
Just take it, take my heart broken already, take my mind struck by insanity, and just take it.
I am done.
I swore to a new beginning again. No!
Will you again...