Submissions by Anxiety

the light of the moon
the glow of the stove light
the humming of rain
pitter patter on the ground
creating puddles
insomnia holds my hand
like we're lost lovers
he never says much
just that the world could be beautiful
that there should be more people trying to make it beautiful

that I could be one of those people
but instead I sit here writing poetry that will never matter and we hold hands and he stares at me like he's trying to answer a question I never asked him
the glow from the moon is dim, lighting up this room, as...

Disgusting, gut wrenching
Self-loathing, self hate will never go away
Dirty piece of shit
Dirty, ground, pig shit
Slop, slut, fucking cunt
to look into those shit colored eyes would most likely make me double over to hurl
face that makes me sick
body no longer touchable
no longer able to be looked at
hands that should be broke
bruised and bloodied like this heart.
ugly inside and out
there's no beauty never was
stupid, arrogant, ignorant
cut till there's nothing left to to cut
break the bones of this god...

As I sit here with my headphones in reading, I can see your lips move but no sound yet I know what you're saying. One of your friends tries to talk to me, ask me what I'm reading but when I open my mouth to answer another voice fills it's place, it is yours. So I put my headphones in and subconsciously read your lips even though I don't have to to know your lips are lying, telling lie after lie to impress your friends as perusual. You are the pathological liar in my life, it's why I know how to lie so well, I've watched you do it my whole life. You lie even when you want to tell the truth,...

I don't think this pit in my stomach has anything to do with my period.
But more to do with my anxiety and nowa days my anxiety revolves around you.
Revolves around how this situation will make me the happiest in the end or will leave my world jet black, drab, dull, indistinct.
You are a lamp in my life, you create the only heat I wish to hold and the only light in my life.
You are what causes and eases my pain, my anxiety, my life. My world is a dark room and you are my lamp. You make the demons come and go, you make the monsters in my closet disappear, you bare teeth and...

Why do I lie
To myself
What am I gaining from it?
Why can't my mind let me see it
I can't distinguish the truth
I'm not lying to anyone but myself
I stopped lying to people days ago,
Maybe a week
I can't tell time anymore
I don't know what day it is
I can't tell the difference between a Monday and a Saturday
They seem the same, the same heart ache
Difficulty of breathing
Of thinking
Making food and keeping it down
Over thinking of eating
Can I feel bad for myself?
It's hard to look at me ...