Submissions by AceofSpades336 (Austin the ace of spades)
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Poet Introduction
I write most about my deeper thoughts and my failing relationships.
DARK POEM
Published
24th Oct 2023 11:01pm
24th Oct 2023 11:01pm
Death Once Again
Death.
I once thought it was mine to control.
Mine to play with.
And you know what?
It is.
It’s all a game.
The pills,
The way they slipped down my throat that night…
I loved it.
I was playing with Death once more.
And Death was playing with me.
We danced and swayed,
My vision faded.
Then,
Like a snap.
My vision returned.
Back in the hospital again.
They tell me,
“Do this and you’ll feel great again!”
I already feel great,
In fact,
I feel, ...
I once thought it was mine to control.
Mine to play with.
And you know what?
It is.
It’s all a game.
The pills,
The way they slipped down my throat that night…
I loved it.
I was playing with Death once more.
And Death was playing with me.
We danced and swayed,
My vision faded.
Then,
Like a snap.
My vision returned.
Back in the hospital again.
They tell me,
“Do this and you’ll feel great again!”
I already feel great,
In fact,
I feel, ...
#death
#vanity
97 reads
0 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
19th Oct 2023 9:36pm
19th Oct 2023 9:36pm
DOG SHIT
DOG SHIT
literally what I feel like.
I wanna bash my brains out and gut myself like a fucking fish.
Deadass.
I feel as if I’m not good enough.
Not good enough for anyone.
I’m just some
Dumb
Idiotic
Stupid
Irritating
Sick pile of
DOG SHIT
literally what I feel like.
I wanna bash my brains out and gut myself like a fucking fish.
Deadass.
I feel as if I’m not good enough.
Not good enough for anyone.
I’m just some
Dumb
Idiotic
Stupid
Irritating
Sick pile of
DOG SHIT
#anger
#hate
#shame
113 reads
0 Comments
ANGER POEM
Published
3rd Sep 2023 8:55am
3rd Sep 2023 8:55am
Him
Him
That ratty,
Shitty,
Disgusting piece of shit!
He thinks we can talk it out.
Talk out the years of my pain.
The years of my suffering,
All at his hands.
I don’t care for his letters,
Nor his calls.
I don’t care for his feelings,
Or regrets.
He never cared for mine,
So why should I care for his?
That ratty,
Shitty,
Disgusting piece of shit!
He thinks we can talk it out.
Talk out the years of my pain.
The years of my suffering,
All at his hands.
I don’t care for his letters,
Nor his calls.
I don’t care for his feelings,
Or regrets.
He never cared for mine,
So why should I care for his?
#anger
#abuse
177 reads
0 Comments
DARK POEM
Published
28th Aug 2023 2:30am
28th Aug 2023 2:30am
Train lights
High speed,
Bright lights.
They come at me,
With malice in mind.
I’m blinded by these,
Bright lights.
Torn by these,
Two eyes.
My heart it beats,
Fast,
So fast.
My head it pounds,
Hard,
So hard.
My life it ends,
So suddenly.
My past erased,
By the death of,
Me.
Bright lights.
They come at me,
With malice in mind.
I’m blinded by these,
Bright lights.
Torn by these,
Two eyes.
My heart it beats,
Fast,
So fast.
My head it pounds,
Hard,
So hard.
My life it ends,
So suddenly.
My past erased,
By the death of,
Me.
#suicide
449 reads
0 Comments
LOVE POEM
Published
26th Aug 2023 3:23pm
26th Aug 2023 3:23pm
Love
Love,
It burns,
It hurts,
Yet I crave it so much.
My therapist tells me,
“It’s not healthy,”
To love someone,
So much.
My ego is filled by others,
She says that’s not healthy either.
The void is filled by meaningless,
“I love you”s.
I used to be healthy.
I used to love who I was.
But now I am a wreck,
With no purpose nor cause.
The only things I’m good for,
Sex,
Money,
Love.
It burns,
It hurts,
Yet I crave it so much.
My therapist tells me,
“It’s not healthy,”
To love someone,
So much.
My ego is filled by others,
She says that’s not healthy either.
The void is filled by meaningless,
“I love you”s.
I used to be healthy.
I used to love who I was.
But now I am a wreck,
With no purpose nor cause.
The only things I’m good for,
Sex,
Money,
Love.
#sadness
#sex
131 reads
2 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
26th Aug 2023 1:42pm
26th Aug 2023 1:42pm
Danger
I may be in immediate,
Danger.
My heart races at the thought.
The thought of ending it all.
The pounding in my chest,
Thumps at high speeds,
Craving an excuse to end the beating.
The beating is so hard that it hurts.
So many things could end it all.
I could simply plunge a knife into my soft, delicate throat.
And let the red pour and spray onto my surroundings.
My being would be crumpled and it would be all my fault.
I put myself in immediate danger.
I do this all because I can.
The threats of a...
Danger.
My heart races at the thought.
The thought of ending it all.
The pounding in my chest,
Thumps at high speeds,
Craving an excuse to end the beating.
The beating is so hard that it hurts.
So many things could end it all.
I could simply plunge a knife into my soft, delicate throat.
And let the red pour and spray onto my surroundings.
My being would be crumpled and it would be all my fault.
I put myself in immediate danger.
I do this all because I can.
The threats of a...
#depression
#risk
125 reads
0 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
26th Aug 2023 00:45am
26th Aug 2023 00:45am
Death
I do not fear death,
Death fears me.
It fears the day that it will meet me at those gates,
Those flaming gates of hell.
Death is in the palm of my hand.
I can manipulate it to my will,
The timing,
The reason,
It could all easily be my choice.
With a bottle of pills,
Or a rope,
Tied in a noose.
Death is mine and mine only,
I will not yet manipulate death,
Though I can not say for certain about the future.
I will refrain for now,
Waiting until things get bad enough that they decide I need to leave...
Death fears me.
It fears the day that it will meet me at those gates,
Those flaming gates of hell.
Death is in the palm of my hand.
I can manipulate it to my will,
The timing,
The reason,
It could all easily be my choice.
With a bottle of pills,
Or a rope,
Tied in a noose.
Death is mine and mine only,
I will not yet manipulate death,
Though I can not say for certain about the future.
I will refrain for now,
Waiting until things get bad enough that they decide I need to leave...
#death
126 reads
2 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
21st Aug 2023 9:13pm
21st Aug 2023 9:13pm
Alone
Alone,
I feel so alone,
You who smiles,
And you who laughs.
Why can’t I feel like you?
Why must I feel so,
Alone?
I feel so alone,
You who smiles,
And you who laughs.
Why can’t I feel like you?
Why must I feel so,
Alone?
#sadness
#jealousy
#loneliness
200 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
12th Aug 2023 3:59am
12th Aug 2023 3:59am
Do I
I always say,
I love it.
I always say,
I need it.
But when it comes,
Down to it.
I cannot say,
I seek it.
It follows me,
Everywhere,
Every night,
With every stare.
Those lustful,
Bashful,
Painful,
Stares.
That drive to be here and there.
In a bedroom,
Basement,
Or den.
Sucking,
Biting,
Sadistic men.
I must say I love them,
Say I do,
For if not,
What worth do I hold,
It’s true.
I love it.
I always say,
I need it.
But when it comes,
Down to it.
I cannot say,
I seek it.
It follows me,
Everywhere,
Every night,
With every stare.
Those lustful,
Bashful,
Painful,
Stares.
That drive to be here and there.
In a bedroom,
Basement,
Or den.
Sucking,
Biting,
Sadistic men.
I must say I love them,
Say I do,
For if not,
What worth do I hold,
It’s true.
#love
#sex
#confusion
142 reads
0 Comments
LOVE POEM
Published
6th Aug 2023 6:01pm
6th Aug 2023 6:01pm
Not Now
NO,
NO NO NO!
NOT NOW!
I-I was doing so good.
I was loving.
I was being loved!
Why must this feeling of longing return?
The yearning for someone,
Someone I can't have.
Someone I don't WANT!
It needs to go away.
I'm finally happy.
I will NOT let this, want, ruin it.
I need it to go away.
I need everything to go away.
Everyone.
Then I can't hurt people.
I can't hurt with my feelings if there’s no one to hurt.
I want to be rid of everything.
Fuck everything,
And...
NO NO NO!
NOT NOW!
I-I was doing so good.
I was loving.
I was being loved!
Why must this feeling of longing return?
The yearning for someone,
Someone I can't have.
Someone I don't WANT!
It needs to go away.
I'm finally happy.
I will NOT let this, want, ruin it.
I need it to go away.
I need everything to go away.
Everyone.
Then I can't hurt people.
I can't hurt with my feelings if there’s no one to hurt.
I want to be rid of everything.
Fuck everything,
And...
#shame
#frustration
#denial #fear
#denial #fear
158 reads
0 Comments
OBSERVATIONAL POEM
Published
24th Jul 2023 11:11pm
24th Jul 2023 11:11pm
Double-crossed
My head hurts simply to think of it.
I am forced to look through many lenses and shades.
Though the one’s who’s lenses I must peer through,
Will never take the time to look through my own.
I’ve been tricked once again.
I must see both sides and question myself constantly.
It irritates me.
It irritates me more than I let on.
Of course I don’t simply accept the deception.
When deceived,
One must remind the other where they stand.
This can lead to a never ending war.
Whether the war takes place internally or...
I am forced to look through many lenses and shades.
Though the one’s who’s lenses I must peer through,
Will never take the time to look through my own.
I’ve been tricked once again.
I must see both sides and question myself constantly.
It irritates me.
It irritates me more than I let on.
Of course I don’t simply accept the deception.
When deceived,
One must remind the other where they stand.
This can lead to a never ending war.
Whether the war takes place internally or...
#war
#deception
130 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
21st Jul 2023 9:12am
21st Jul 2023 9:12am
Sadness
I am not better.
I was so,
So wrong.
And now I’m sad again.
It’s the middle of the night,
As I write the words that are my emotions.
They are solemn and grim,
And full of sin.
I am dying,
Slowly but surely,
From the inside out.
From my mind, to my heart.
Soon,
Even my posture will show,
Show the horrid truths,
Of what lay beneath.
I am a son,
A boy,
A man.
Not a woman.
Not a young lady,
Nor a little girl,
Or a girl at all.
I am a boy.
I...
I was so,
So wrong.
And now I’m sad again.
It’s the middle of the night,
As I write the words that are my emotions.
They are solemn and grim,
And full of sin.
I am dying,
Slowly but surely,
From the inside out.
From my mind, to my heart.
Soon,
Even my posture will show,
Show the horrid truths,
Of what lay beneath.
I am a son,
A boy,
A man.
Not a woman.
Not a young lady,
Nor a little girl,
Or a girl at all.
I am a boy.
I...
#identity
129 reads
1 Comment
DU Poetry : Submissions by AceofSpades336 (Austin the ace of spades)
