~ Critique Series ~
Anonymous
Anonymous said:<< post removed >>
I do not think that it is too packed with imagery, but instead is overwhelmed by vagueness due to the generic usage of its symbology.
As a reader, I can grasp that it is a spiritual poem, but that is the extent of my reach. Similar to Oxy's poem, I'm left to speculate and draw my own conclusions as to what these symbols represent. Who is the dove? What is the serpent? Who is the stranger and what is his/her relevance to the poem?
Some poets are partial to running only so far, passing the baton to the reader and saying, "It's yours now. You take it from here and finish the race." That is poetry in their definition.
While the symbols in your poem are being utilized as characters and settings in the story being told, there is a lack of mystery unfolding about those symbols. I return to read the poem out of desire to understand what it means only to understand that it only means what I project onto it.
How you proceed with the poem depends on far you are willing to carry that baton for your readers.
I do not think that it is too packed with imagery, but instead is overwhelmed by vagueness due to the generic usage of its symbology.
As a reader, I can grasp that it is a spiritual poem, but that is the extent of my reach. Similar to Oxy's poem, I'm left to speculate and draw my own conclusions as to what these symbols represent. Who is the dove? What is the serpent? Who is the stranger and what is his/her relevance to the poem?
Some poets are partial to running only so far, passing the baton to the reader and saying, "It's yours now. You take it from here and finish the race." That is poetry in their definition.
While the symbols in your poem are being utilized as characters and settings in the story being told, there is a lack of mystery unfolding about those symbols. I return to read the poem out of desire to understand what it means only to understand that it only means what I project onto it.
How you proceed with the poem depends on far you are willing to carry that baton for your readers.
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Anonymous
Anonymous said:<< post removed >>
In the interest of not overlapping with similar critiques, some of us were asked to "refrain" from participating.
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/headhuntershorrorhouse/images/f/f3/Hannibal_Lecter_001.jpg
In the interest of not overlapping with similar critiques, some of us were asked to "refrain" from participating.
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/headhuntershorrorhouse/images/f/f3/Hannibal_Lecter_001.jpg
Greetings, Deep Side Poets! Today we conclude our "Critique Series"! We hope you've enjoyed it and have maybe learned a few things in the process.
To reiterate, in last week's "Critique Etiquette: Part 2" we learned how important it was to recognize whether a writer is seasoned or a novice, and critique accordingly. While it's important to critique in accordance to the writer's experience, it's also important to be honest despite how one chooses to critique. We should never compromise our personal integrity by lying. While genuine attention to the strong points of a poem is a polite way to lead into a critique, never praise “strong” if you think it’s really weak just to have something to say. It’s better to not respond than compromise your truthful observation.
One of the most common lies I observe daily is when a flat-line poem is praised as moving. Of course, when the writer is expressing their sorrow regarding a death, it takes courageous tact to critique on the poem’s areas of improvement. This could be a case where the writer is too close to the poem and it may be best to say nothing rather than compromising your integrity to comfort them through the poem.
While it's difficult to be honest, it's imperative if you want to truly assist someone in improving their writing skills.
If you'd like to view the examples of a good vs. bad critique, visit the speakeasy forum below. It was fun interaction for the site, and we'd like to thank our volunteers for participating.
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/…/speakeasy/read/9446/15/…
We'd also like to thank two of our Masterminds members behind the series, Missy DeMeanour and RevolutionAl, who worked tirelessly on research and composing for this successful series! Thank you both!
And lastly, we'd like to thank our critique volunteer, Johnny Blaze, for his dedication and expertise to this series. Johnny has also graciously agreed to critique any further submission from DUP members! Thank you Johnny!
We'd like to not only encourage our members to obtain honest critiques, but also encourage you to begin critiquing as well! When you learn to critique - you begin seeing your own work in a different light! Try it today.
To reiterate, in last week's "Critique Etiquette: Part 2" we learned how important it was to recognize whether a writer is seasoned or a novice, and critique accordingly. While it's important to critique in accordance to the writer's experience, it's also important to be honest despite how one chooses to critique. We should never compromise our personal integrity by lying. While genuine attention to the strong points of a poem is a polite way to lead into a critique, never praise “strong” if you think it’s really weak just to have something to say. It’s better to not respond than compromise your truthful observation.
One of the most common lies I observe daily is when a flat-line poem is praised as moving. Of course, when the writer is expressing their sorrow regarding a death, it takes courageous tact to critique on the poem’s areas of improvement. This could be a case where the writer is too close to the poem and it may be best to say nothing rather than compromising your integrity to comfort them through the poem.
While it's difficult to be honest, it's imperative if you want to truly assist someone in improving their writing skills.
If you'd like to view the examples of a good vs. bad critique, visit the speakeasy forum below. It was fun interaction for the site, and we'd like to thank our volunteers for participating.
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/…/speakeasy/read/9446/15/…
We'd also like to thank two of our Masterminds members behind the series, Missy DeMeanour and RevolutionAl, who worked tirelessly on research and composing for this successful series! Thank you both!
And lastly, we'd like to thank our critique volunteer, Johnny Blaze, for his dedication and expertise to this series. Johnny has also graciously agreed to critique any further submission from DUP members! Thank you Johnny!
We'd like to not only encourage our members to obtain honest critiques, but also encourage you to begin critiquing as well! When you learn to critique - you begin seeing your own work in a different light! Try it today.
PsycoticMastermind said:
In the interest of not overlapping with similar critiques, some of us were asked to "refrain" from participating.
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/headhuntershorrorhouse/images/f/f3/Hannibal_Lecter_001.jpg
In the interest of not overlapping with similar critiques, some of us were asked to "refrain" from participating.
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/headhuntershorrorhouse/images/f/f3/Hannibal_Lecter_001.jpg
Ahavati said:When you learn to critique - you begin seeing your own work in a different light! Try it today.
Indeed!👍
And if you are a novice poet/writer, learn as you go: to recognize the level of a writer's skill as your own skill begins to increase through practice/ experience, and express your critique accordingly.📝📚
Indeed!👍
And if you are a novice poet/writer, learn as you go: to recognize the level of a writer's skill as your own skill begins to increase through practice/ experience, and express your critique accordingly.📝📚
this is a way early one of mine from 2011 I would love for it to be critiqued 
Fractured Mind
Fractured mind, fractured soul
Inside me, outside me
They dig my hole.
Who are these people?
I don't know
Always digging deeper
Into my fragile soul.
Who are you?
They prod and pick
Ever deeper
Until I get sick.
Into the abyss they drag me
I've fought so hard
But with knives of steel they carve me.
Out numbered, outwitted
They know I know
So with a straight jacket
I'm outfitted.
Chaining me training me not to see
Who to tell?
Who would believe?
Are they Mason's, demons?
Or both of the above
I didn't ask for the hole they've dug.
Into my fractured mind, fractured soul
They continue to mine
As if it were coal.
On and on they dig
For this, I will never forgive
I know somewhere my exit exists
I will make it to the gate, I will persist.
Fractured Mind
Fractured mind, fractured soul
Inside me, outside me
They dig my hole.
Who are these people?
I don't know
Always digging deeper
Into my fragile soul.
Who are you?
They prod and pick
Ever deeper
Until I get sick.
Into the abyss they drag me
I've fought so hard
But with knives of steel they carve me.
Out numbered, outwitted
They know I know
So with a straight jacket
I'm outfitted.
Chaining me training me not to see
Who to tell?
Who would believe?
Are they Mason's, demons?
Or both of the above
I didn't ask for the hole they've dug.
Into my fractured mind, fractured soul
They continue to mine
As if it were coal.
On and on they dig
For this, I will never forgive
I know somewhere my exit exists
I will make it to the gate, I will persist.
Anonymous
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While Johnny is our official critiquer - I'm going to attempt one because I've encouraged others members to begin critiquing as well! Sorry it took me a bit - I happen to work and like to focus completely when critiquing.
Anonymous said:<< post removed >>
What I like about this piece the most is that is that I could personally relate to the heart of it, albeit confused about the aforementioned points of reference. Overall I enjoyed it!
Melia, thank you for the honor of allowing us to critique your poem.
Anonymous said:<< post removed >>
What I like about this piece the most is that is that I could personally relate to the heart of it, albeit confused about the aforementioned points of reference. Overall I enjoyed it!
Melia, thank you for the honor of allowing us to critique your poem.
AND "fun"! 
There will be tears!
There will be laughter! 
Jade-Pandora said:
Indeed!👍
And if you are a novice poet/writer, learn as you go: to recognize the level of a writer's skill as your own skill begins to increase through practice/ experience, and express your critique accordingly.📝📚
Excellent point, Jade! To know your hobbyhorses is vital. It's important to recognize your limitations. For example, I rarely abide by rhymed and metered poems. Therefore, I don't have much to say to a writer of rhymed and metered poems. I could advise others to work in free verse, but I'd be doing a disservice by expecting a poet to change forms because of my personal preferences. A critiquer should consider not only their own tastes, but what others may like.
Indeed!👍
And if you are a novice poet/writer, learn as you go: to recognize the level of a writer's skill as your own skill begins to increase through practice/ experience, and express your critique accordingly.📝📚
Excellent point, Jade! To know your hobbyhorses is vital. It's important to recognize your limitations. For example, I rarely abide by rhymed and metered poems. Therefore, I don't have much to say to a writer of rhymed and metered poems. I could advise others to work in free verse, but I'd be doing a disservice by expecting a poet to change forms because of my personal preferences. A critiquer should consider not only their own tastes, but what others may like.
