Poetry competition CLOSED 8th May 2016 2:50am
WINNER
LobodeSanPedro
LobodeSanPedro
Page:
Your Mountain - Overcoming Obstacles
Please ... and Thank You
He was reading from the book his father had sent him ...
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."
Who was he to lecture me about what I'd done.
He was the one in jail, hell I didn't even get caught
not really
I just got greedy and careless
Leaving the new Matchbox cars and pink Spauldings I'd boosted from Woolworth where my mother could find them
I was gonna sell it all at school on Monday ...
but this was prison Sunday
And my father's tired sallow eyes were begging his man child to take heed
for the vernacular of the condemned was no different from those who walked in the sun
He asked the guard "Please"
to have permission for my baby sister and I to sit in his lap
on the inmate side of the table
but the privilege would not end with a simple "thank you" ...
It meant daddy owed
Owing meant breaking those who wouldn't heed the screws' rules
And daddy was built for it, carved from Carolina oak
I often thought he only scolded me because he thought I was soft
a punk
a pussy
that wouldn't be able to handle
the life
I watched the deconstruction of his mind and soul many a Sunday
not understanding he'd traded my rightful place so I might walk in innocence
when he was home
He'd beat my mother
And I wished him dead
Revoking his trade
ending his agony
And mine
true to his word
he let himself be taken
in a hailstorm of fire in steel
So I try to stay true to what he said
On those Sundays sitting in his lap
Always saying
"Please" and
"Thank You"
while living
A life
not
the life
He was reading from the book his father had sent him ...
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."
Who was he to lecture me about what I'd done.
He was the one in jail, hell I didn't even get caught
not really
I just got greedy and careless
Leaving the new Matchbox cars and pink Spauldings I'd boosted from Woolworth where my mother could find them
I was gonna sell it all at school on Monday ...
but this was prison Sunday
And my father's tired sallow eyes were begging his man child to take heed
for the vernacular of the condemned was no different from those who walked in the sun
He asked the guard "Please"
to have permission for my baby sister and I to sit in his lap
on the inmate side of the table
but the privilege would not end with a simple "thank you" ...
It meant daddy owed
Owing meant breaking those who wouldn't heed the screws' rules
And daddy was built for it, carved from Carolina oak
I often thought he only scolded me because he thought I was soft
a punk
a pussy
that wouldn't be able to handle
the life
I watched the deconstruction of his mind and soul many a Sunday
not understanding he'd traded my rightful place so I might walk in innocence
when he was home
He'd beat my mother
And I wished him dead
Revoking his trade
ending his agony
And mine
true to his word
he let himself be taken
in a hailstorm of fire in steel
So I try to stay true to what he said
On those Sundays sitting in his lap
Always saying
"Please" and
"Thank You"
while living
A life
not
the life
the tv volume gets closer to silence
when i reach each morning,
the pillow i have always slept on feels cold and distant
yet so close to my heart, each morning is
my eyes do not recognize the sight of sunlight
the voices of laughter echo, getting more and more quiet by the second
each second pulling me further away, until it's a bird flying from my windowsill
i do not attempt to reach it
the bags under my eyes become weights
and i cannot bare to lift it
to the floor, until i collapse, but no one has heard a sound
beneath my carpet, there's a cracked wooden floor
and by each step, it continues to break
so i cover it with clean carpets
and vacuum when it shows a sign of dirt
i forgot to tell myself
i was up last night, combing my hair for an hour
as if i were waiting for my scalp to bleed, i pushed harder
'till red spots were left and dead skin stuck on my comb
after that, i'd gone out to watch the television
paid programming was left on for 30 minutes without a hesitation of touching the remote
i hadn't noticed what was going on
until i gradually turned the volume to 0
and shut the tv off.
paid programming ended shortly after.
when i reach each morning,
the pillow i have always slept on feels cold and distant
yet so close to my heart, each morning is
my eyes do not recognize the sight of sunlight
the voices of laughter echo, getting more and more quiet by the second
each second pulling me further away, until it's a bird flying from my windowsill
i do not attempt to reach it
the bags under my eyes become weights
and i cannot bare to lift it
to the floor, until i collapse, but no one has heard a sound
beneath my carpet, there's a cracked wooden floor
and by each step, it continues to break
so i cover it with clean carpets
and vacuum when it shows a sign of dirt
i forgot to tell myself
i was up last night, combing my hair for an hour
as if i were waiting for my scalp to bleed, i pushed harder
'till red spots were left and dead skin stuck on my comb
after that, i'd gone out to watch the television
paid programming was left on for 30 minutes without a hesitation of touching the remote
i hadn't noticed what was going on
until i gradually turned the volume to 0
and shut the tv off.
paid programming ended shortly after.
Methadone
For thirteen years
You held me in your bossom
Me so drugged up
Unaware I was in prison.
Everday I rose early
To drink your bitter juice
I was always in a crunch
To get my methadone and feel that rush.
I was kept isolated and alone
Swimming in your pink loveliness
It was all I needed to feel right at home.
No feelings, no love
No one could get in
No emotions allowed
With methadone this being unforgivable sin.
Awake all night
Asleep all day
Methadone you ruled my life
A king you truly reigned.
Less then one percent
Have ever succeeded to shake this habit
Crimsin you're a lifer
Freedom you can't have it.
A year later methadone free
In the one percentile
I can't belive this is me.
Getting to know who I truly am
Scary but exciting.
Trapped in that pink bubble for so long
I had abandoned my loved ones for a drug.
So I tread slowly on my shakey feet
This world for the first time facing head on
Without my methadone goggles on.
I won't say this trip has been easy
Sleepless nights, anxiety filled days
I wonder if my stomach will ever be straight.
Most days now I feel sane and secure
Still in my dreams
Methadone you do enter
To see if i'm home and lonely
You missing being my one and only.
I will succeed down this road
One day at a time as i've been told.
Getting to know myself the first hurdle
A puppet for a drug so long
It wrote my words and I just sang along.
New emotions, feelings and creativity
Feeling sexual, sexy
Is this really me?
I'm learning to see a beautiful person
No longer under a methadone haze
Less then one percent yep that's me hooray.
For thirteen years
You held me in your bossom
Me so drugged up
Unaware I was in prison.
Everday I rose early
To drink your bitter juice
I was always in a crunch
To get my methadone and feel that rush.
I was kept isolated and alone
Swimming in your pink loveliness
It was all I needed to feel right at home.
No feelings, no love
No one could get in
No emotions allowed
With methadone this being unforgivable sin.
Awake all night
Asleep all day
Methadone you ruled my life
A king you truly reigned.
Less then one percent
Have ever succeeded to shake this habit
Crimsin you're a lifer
Freedom you can't have it.
A year later methadone free
In the one percentile
I can't belive this is me.
Getting to know who I truly am
Scary but exciting.
Trapped in that pink bubble for so long
I had abandoned my loved ones for a drug.
So I tread slowly on my shakey feet
This world for the first time facing head on
Without my methadone goggles on.
I won't say this trip has been easy
Sleepless nights, anxiety filled days
I wonder if my stomach will ever be straight.
Most days now I feel sane and secure
Still in my dreams
Methadone you do enter
To see if i'm home and lonely
You missing being my one and only.
I will succeed down this road
One day at a time as i've been told.
Getting to know myself the first hurdle
A puppet for a drug so long
It wrote my words and I just sang along.
New emotions, feelings and creativity
Feeling sexual, sexy
Is this really me?
I'm learning to see a beautiful person
No longer under a methadone haze
Less then one percent yep that's me hooray.
“Teenage Life”
In this teenage life I grab my backpack not knowing what to expect when the front door closes behind me. All I know is that the world around me will soon turn into a swarm of jerks that use everything under the sun and in the shade to break my defenses. Although the routine of the day is set in stone everyday is a new cycle of non-stop chaotic and unfortunate events that is known as high school where the main objective is to survive their petty attempts to make me snap. And try to hide the fact that my psyche is only devoted to the internal wars raging from an incomprehensible past. Although each day is filled with never ending events I can only ever find one positive time of the day...taking walk back to my fort, my safe haven, yet in a day that time seems distant, almost a fantasy! And why is it that when I arrive at my escape do I always have fewer answers then when I left. And why is it that I have more questions than anyone will ever be able to count? Is life this much of a labyrinth for everyone...or is this just my teenage life?
In this teenage life I grab my backpack not knowing what to expect when the front door closes behind me. All I know is that the world around me will soon turn into a swarm of jerks that use everything under the sun and in the shade to break my defenses. Although the routine of the day is set in stone everyday is a new cycle of non-stop chaotic and unfortunate events that is known as high school where the main objective is to survive their petty attempts to make me snap. And try to hide the fact that my psyche is only devoted to the internal wars raging from an incomprehensible past. Although each day is filled with never ending events I can only ever find one positive time of the day...taking walk back to my fort, my safe haven, yet in a day that time seems distant, almost a fantasy! And why is it that when I arrive at my escape do I always have fewer answers then when I left. And why is it that I have more questions than anyone will ever be able to count? Is life this much of a labyrinth for everyone...or is this just my teenage life?
THE DYSFUNCTION CYCLE
As I sit here overlooking the water with
the memories of a violent broken past, once
again you've destroyed your daughter. Mum
and Dad you made me grow up so fast, drunk
and fighting all the time. My childhood years
far from sublime.
Beaten and bruised ducking and weaving punches
and knives thrown at me. How could you do this, it's
caused so much shame it's clear to see. With shame
comes emotions and low self esteem.
A failure, unlovable, a bad person, a phony, defective
believing forever indeed that was me. Emotions of
shame, unbearable pain, people pleasing and I'll
never be the same. I don't deserve any happiness
which leads to addiction and co-dependence. My
childhood what a horrible state of ascendance.
So into the dark I decided to go, the drugs made me
forget each violent blow. I'd found true evil and I
thought I deserved this you know, hiding the shame
hoping it would never show. And so the cycle continued
to grow. Co-dependence and addiction kept on the down low.
I'll use and abuse you to feed my addiction the rent money
spent, who cares about eviction. I'm taking it all for my own greedy self.
The addiction so strong, it's the ultimate stealth.
We need one another now, but you'll be my cash cow. I'll steal
and I'll cheat, association with me will bring nothing but heat.
You'll lie and cover for me, enabling isn't this neat.
Not satisfied till you're homeless and out on the street. I'll even try
to convince you to sell yourself like a used piece of meat. I've
got you now, I'll control your tainted heart.
The only way out is to go back to the start.
The wild beast inside me, I've since learned to tame. Gone is
the dysfunction, the need to care take and the need to blame.
Non assertive communication is also a result of shame,
I've addressed it all for;
I now own the game.
Written by TinaLouise
As I sit here overlooking the water with
the memories of a violent broken past, once
again you've destroyed your daughter. Mum
and Dad you made me grow up so fast, drunk
and fighting all the time. My childhood years
far from sublime.
Beaten and bruised ducking and weaving punches
and knives thrown at me. How could you do this, it's
caused so much shame it's clear to see. With shame
comes emotions and low self esteem.
A failure, unlovable, a bad person, a phony, defective
believing forever indeed that was me. Emotions of
shame, unbearable pain, people pleasing and I'll
never be the same. I don't deserve any happiness
which leads to addiction and co-dependence. My
childhood what a horrible state of ascendance.
So into the dark I decided to go, the drugs made me
forget each violent blow. I'd found true evil and I
thought I deserved this you know, hiding the shame
hoping it would never show. And so the cycle continued
to grow. Co-dependence and addiction kept on the down low.
I'll use and abuse you to feed my addiction the rent money
spent, who cares about eviction. I'm taking it all for my own greedy self.
The addiction so strong, it's the ultimate stealth.
We need one another now, but you'll be my cash cow. I'll steal
and I'll cheat, association with me will bring nothing but heat.
You'll lie and cover for me, enabling isn't this neat.
Not satisfied till you're homeless and out on the street. I'll even try
to convince you to sell yourself like a used piece of meat. I've
got you now, I'll control your tainted heart.
The only way out is to go back to the start.
The wild beast inside me, I've since learned to tame. Gone is
the dysfunction, the need to care take and the need to blame.
Non assertive communication is also a result of shame,
I've addressed it all for;
I now own the game.
Written by TinaLouise
I was so undeserving
And yet, you were
So relentless
I pushed – you pulled
I wept – you embraced
I bled – you repaired
I faltered – you shushed
I stopped – you smiled
I was a disaster
The worst of its kind
And yet, you still
Had the audacity
To let me know
I was beautiful
And yet, you were
So relentless
I pushed – you pulled
I wept – you embraced
I bled – you repaired
I faltered – you shushed
I stopped – you smiled
I was a disaster
The worst of its kind
And yet, you still
Had the audacity
To let me know
I was beautiful
Anonymous
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
Run to this fight.
Take them,
They will help you,
Not a pusher told me that,
A pusher with a degree gave me them.
On the long terms ones,
They were killing me,
Or i quit them,
Or i die.
I quitted them for now.
The short terms ones,
Still I'm on them,
This time i thought i was not going to make it,
Headache i could not sleep,
Mind racing,
No food for days,
All I had to eat were pills,
Felt hungry,
But I did not feel to stand up and eat.
Sweating,
My mind was somewhere else.
My heart was not working,
My kidneys were in ache,
Yes they will help you,
And i was just a little shy at all.
Take them,
They will help you,
Not a pusher told me that,
A pusher with a degree gave me them.
On the long terms ones,
They were killing me,
Or i quit them,
Or i die.
I quitted them for now.
The short terms ones,
Still I'm on them,
This time i thought i was not going to make it,
Headache i could not sleep,
Mind racing,
No food for days,
All I had to eat were pills,
Felt hungry,
But I did not feel to stand up and eat.
Sweating,
My mind was somewhere else.
My heart was not working,
My kidneys were in ache,
Yes they will help you,
And i was just a little shy at all.
Anonymous
<< post removed >>
