Poetry competition CLOSED 12th April 2016 11:53pm
WINNER
_shadoe_ (yiyi)
View Profile Poems by _shadoe_
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RUNNER-UP: Artemios

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Make me laugh

David_Macleod
14397816
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom 39awards
Joined 5th Nov 2014
Forum Posts: 2983

I Am So Old

I am so old
That according to
My accounts ledger
I still owe Moses 5 dollars

I am so old
I have to wear goggles
When cutting my toenails
Avoiding ricochets

I am so old
When I fart,
It doesn’t smell
And only dust comes out

I am so old
I could pass a small
Asian water buffalo
Through my loose sphincter

I am so old
I don’t need to masturbate
I just grab my cock and
Let the Parkinson’s do the rest

I am so old
That I can remember
Slavery being a damn good idea
Solving staff retention problems

I am so old
That I get an angina attack
Every time I get
A decent erection

I am so old
That I leak
Like a dripping
Drain pipe

I am so old
I can remember a time
Before racism
Was actually invented

I am so old
That I forget
The very thing
I can’t remember

I am so old
I have become talented
In being a nasty
Cantankerous old bastard

I am so old
I am closer to death
Than Siamese twins
About to be surgically separated

I am so old
I can’t remember
Why I hate you
And everybody else

calamitygin
Jennifer Michael McCurry
Tyrant of Words
United States 28awards
Joined 22nd June 2015
Forum Posts: 2047

Sexually frustrated chicks and Masterbatory invention throughout history

I lay in a state of frantic rub..
Fuck being the key word here used as
verb not adjective...
I broke my last dildo bangin it for speed on the side of the tub...
Now I cannot relieve my clit ache,
My fingers just aren't the same...
And I'm afraid increased friction might cause my cunt to burst into flames..

Think i'm kiddin..
Fire cums from bud flickin..
Screw the myth of Prometheus
He did not give fire to us!

It was some poor horny cave girl chick,
She missed the orgasmique sensation given by her cave mans Mammoth size prick..
So she frigged herself right up a storm ..
I mean frigged herself so fucking furious..from finger friction lit clitoral stimulus..
Fire was born!

And you know the theory of mice spreading the plague?
They were actually super rodents made
From spinnin their wheel in a cage..
It's some horny medievil chicks fault..
She muscled up too many mice
To power her naughty device..
She just had to cum twice..and sometimes thrice a night..
When her hubby no longer thrilled her he up and killed her..poisoned one of them rats...
And that might have been that..
But like mighty mouse on steroroids they spread poison through the nation..
A third of the world dead...
because hubby couldn't give good head...
And wifey resorted to vermin masturbation..

And you know the conundrum of the
Baghdad battery?
Thought perhaps to gold plate jewlery..
Nope.
Some poor ancient womans lover,
left her all alone under covers.
While he went off to war or some kinda manly shit..
And she made pottery, swept her dirt floor and wanted her some dick..
So she carved a very nice penis shaped out of a stick...
Layed down and slid it up her needy slit..
Being careful of splinters between her fuzz..
But she thought to herself...this would feel so nice if it buzzed!
So she took her pottery, inserted copper foil, rod and acidic juice...
Hooked it up to her stick...bzzzzzz!!!
Oj yeah!! She buzzzed herself good and loose.....

So see necessity is truely the "mother" of invention..
I am currently working on a tri state penis extension.   😝

wallyroo92
Tyrant of Words
United States 154awards
Joined 11th July 2012
Forum Posts: 1874

deleted

poet Anonymous

<< post removed >>
Artemios
Thought Provoker
Greece 12awards
Joined 11th Jan 2016
Forum Posts: 393

Oh!! What a surprise! Thank you so much for the runner-up SatansSperm! Most appreciated
I really enjoyed writing this piece lol!

Congratulations Katja! Well deserved one! Loved your pieces, laughed a lot!
Cograts to Albatross and all the participants. Good laughs all!

Thank you for hosting this funny and creative comp SatansSperm!

Art

SatansSperm
Dangerous Mind
13awards
Joined 19th Nov 2015
Forum Posts: 3112

Anonymous said:<< post removed >>

it was nice to laugh...thank you for entering :)

SatansSperm
Dangerous Mind
13awards
Joined 19th Nov 2015
Forum Posts: 3112

Artemios said:Oh!! What a surprise! Thank you so much for the runner-up SatansSperm! Most appreciated
I really enjoyed writing this piece lol!

Congratulations Katja! Well deserved one! Loved your pieces, laughed a lot!
Cograts to Albatross and all the participants. Good laughs all!

Thank you for hosting this funny and creative comp SatansSperm!

Art


you are so welcome and your piece was hilarious

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