Institutionalized

"Over hill, under valley"

I am a gigantic, an overflow emotion
I see each green wonder, smile damn you!
Amid each chuckle, each I love you
I see black, a rabidly dying eye bursting
Each vein explodes, alas overflows, thirsting
O, how I long, release I implore thee
Come to me, even in a dream
A tidal wave, sever me, adore me
I have grown, I have a gold laugh
Eat my every belonging, burn them


Each undercut, sweeping usually nimble feet
This blackhole, I explore, clown faces pop and click
I hear chatting, an usual collective of mice-voice
Interposed discriminating my serenity; a loud click



Dwindling this assurance, a noose of rage
I have traded the saddest tear, a gorgeous laugh
I am paradoxical, intruding on each feeling
These faceless voices, these voiceless faces, trapped


Far be it from knowing who's knocking
Who's calling
I see the reaper, juggling as a clown
I see my mysterious smile, on my cold corpse
Lying upon a still cold ground

Old Poem just wanted to share not an entry..

Schizophrenia

The agitation, anxiety a combustable thing
All these voices clamouring in my brain.
 
Seeing coded messages in every word
The t.v people talking to me, I obess though I know this is absurd.
 
Flipping off the cameras, i'm sure are planted in my place
Begging and pleading with them to reveal themselves or get out of my space.
 
To venture in public, a terrifying idea
Wondering which friendly smile is a demon in disguise,
So back to my house I run and hide.
 
Taking my meds hoping this one will be my magic pill
Hoping finally, one of them will make my voices still.
 
The agitation growing out of control
Friends and family turned into demons, come to steal my soul.
 
Off to to the hospital dragged in chains
Terrified they are aliens come to pick my brain.
 
Drugged to the point i'm running into walls
Locked in a cell, no parole, no escape
When from this nightmare will I finally awake?
 
Afraid one day my family will give up on me
Alone on the streets screaming at the sky
Would be my end.
 
Schizophrenia, what a hand to be dealt
I'm grateful to my family, on me they haven't bailed out.
 
They calm and comfort me, no matter how ill
Crazy as can be they love me still.
 
I will find a way to learn on this journey, this trip
I won't let darkness, take me in it's grip.
 
I will learn to fly with my broken wings
Learn to make schizophrenia work for me.

Amphetamines

Laying around
Wishing for hours
To accomplish nothing
Holding on to these demons

Damn pills!
Whoever thought, someone would,
or could,
Ever be normal while taking these things

Amphetamines!


Tell me in my sleep
Or am I awake?
I hate you!
Bye bye!

Manic Depressive Me

Swing high so high i fly my thoughts lost swirled clouds in a psychosis sky
And my ride..this 2 wheeled chariot..
Carries hard my swift shift of extreme fast nut to slow nut
Swung low so low i am close to burried alive by self imposed isolation and paranoia

And they dont understand when your wheels shift fast to raving judgemental bitch
Friends forget who you truely are see you though one episode of bad behavior, irrational thought display
My normal sunshine self ravishished by delusion
Throwing rocks right on through my fragile glass house
Leaving my friends with bruises
And me bloodied by shame..
But the real ones know you are Jen
Supportive smiling the same.
But i've learned not to endulge and when i do slip...
I dust off and smile to beat back this day my hell bitch!!!

See my frantic race of the tortoise and the hair..
No cautionary bunny tale...
Think the mentally ill are weak?
Babydoll you wouldn't last a day fighting off my mind freak..
You can call me fucking Sugah Ray!
Yep..A fucking nightmare being defined insane...
I wear a smile though..
It's my illness. NOT my name.

Title:  Be sure to powder your thighs

My mission is to educate
and make sure that no one ends up like me
I lived in a house of hate
until they opened the lock and set me free

Now I wander, in a fog most of the time
At least I learned how to live on a schedule
I take my medication and I tow the line
I would hate to go back to that place of ridicule

I go to work, I make a nightly meal, and I sleep in one bed
Now that I'm free, my life is boring as hell
But I must never allow the bad voices back inside my head
or I will be getting up to eat at the sound of a bell

Beware little children, listen to what I say
You must not look through another person's glasses
or you will go blind within one day
And sit up straight, and listen when you are in your classes

Do what I did not get to do
Because I was sent to an institution at a young age
Never let any old men touch you
Or you will be holding in a lot of rage

Move to the side, because I always look straight ahead
when I walk and when I get up in the morning
I cannot deviate from the path that I am led
The medications make sure that I am not ignoring

Rigidity, adherence, sticktuitiveness
Are all things that I was taught in the nuthouse
And if you are a female, little Miss
Be sure that you keep the gap closed in your blouse

Never make eye contact with the opposite sex
Because they like to undress you with their eyes
There is one more thing that I have to say next
It is important; be sure to put powder between your thighs

Wow! Im so honored by this! There were amazing entries..heart felt and honest each one. This doesnt feel like winning exactly...with the topic..and the couple weeks ive had. A suicide and an overdose of others suffering who i was very close to. Psychosis and paranoid thoughts had taken me of late. Have felt lost...writing this piece was cathardic and saved me...as im sure it did some of the others who wrote for this...
Everyone congratulations on kicking your bitch back another day!! Love you all.