Institutionalized

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I started talking to you
From my eyes, I know
My tears will flow
I hate to see you go

But then you smiled
No tears to hide
You held my hand
There where we stand

"We are the same,
No one to blame
We hold this flame
No one's ashamed"

And then you laughed
Like you can't be stopped
You pulled my strap
And kicked my lap

It's hurting, dear
A painful tear
I cannot bear
A foolish peer.

Smell the meat

Looking through a small window
Staring at all my meat
as I lick my lips
My meat in uniforms of
Doctors,
Nurses,
and guards
Occasionally I'd try to take a bite
and hmmmm
That meat tastes great rare
The guards Taser me
It doesn't matter
The scent of their flesh overcomes my pain
The therapist's tell me that I'm unstable
That I'm a danger to others
Pity I took a bite of him in the neck
Delicious meat, very tender...
There is still one thing I crave
Most of my meats are male
I really want a female one
Perhaps for Christmas
as I drool over one of the nurses
hmmmmm

Bipolar

The sick feeling swoops in unannounced,
Fighting to shake it off
Make it bounce.
Let go, I plead.
If its blood you want,
Then I will bleed.
Go away, I implore.
If a taste you must have,
Take it quickly then no more.
If you must stay I scream,
We have to learn
To work as a team.
Promise to allow me some fearless time
To enjoy freely and solely as mine.
Then i will grant you the broods
and antagonizing chaotic moods.
For I know without you
Tormented friend,
I could not make it until the end.
For all the positives you take,
I am grounded by the moves you make.

green roofs ~

my history fits in a slim folder. brown, like mud, like the shit my life went to.  
i am a number, a room, a white & blue gown. i am a diagnosis.

i don't belong here.

i don't care for his questions, his probing eyes & wrinkled hands. his sarcasm is met with plain fucking defiance, schooled answers. lies. anything to get the pills & leave before i vomit truth.

room service munches dick. the nurse could care less about cuttlery scrapes on plastic plates or limp veggies that grew cold between the kitchen & high care. too many warm veggies roaming the hall & she can't even be arsed about them.

someone's hit the wall a few doors down & if i weren't so tired, i'd join the revelry. shuffle across the scuffed floors for a category five meltdown. blessing in disguise.
you stay if you can't integrate. i must stop hurling dominos at the fruit loops.

Deep thoughts detailed n descriptive enjoy your style

Just a kid.
Was off the grid.
Now all locked up,
In chains and such.
They said a week
But now I'm weak.
When will I get out?
I sit in my corner and just pout.
Just waiting to be undone.

franticly scratching
nails tear at old scabs
blood trickles and smears
but I cant stop
I try
god I try
but things unseen
tiny little fuckin things
they haunt me
I know their there
I fucking know it
I fucking feel it!!
I scratch and scratch
but no relief
jump in the shower
steel wool
bleach
I scrub
I scream from the pain
the smell of bleach and blood
turns my stomach
I cant stop
out of the shower
I pace
desperate
I tape socks on my hands
and I fucking rub and rub
god these little mother fuckers
I run to the cabinet
grab the spray
I cry from the pain
as I spray over open wounds
I think its working
I wait
there gone
heavy sigh of relief
I take off the blood soaked socks
I sit in my chair
and just cry

I thought I'd kicked you out,
Purged you from my
Aching head
As you now purge
The life from my bones...

I can hear your hissing voice in my head again...
Screaming
As you rips my taped-up soul to shreds--
TOO FAT! TOO FAT! TOO FAT!

You've duct-taped my mind to the scale
Bound my hands with a measuring tape,
Imprisoned me in the depths
Of your looking-glass eyes...

I was free for three years...
How short a time to feel the sun
Before my soul descended again
Into my own personal
Hell on earth;
My trembling heart
With barely a moment to sing
Before you trapped it
Again
In the cage of my sunken ribs...

My mind screams
But you've shut my mouth tight--
Can't let the food in
Choking, greasy, porky, bloating
Swelling, stinking, flabby, slimy
Food

I'm sinking
Faster than the Titanic--
You've put an iceberg in place of my heart
And I can feel you
Snapping the cables
Of rational thought
Slowly, one by one...
Oh, please, someone help!

My anorexia's back
And I don't know if I can beat it again.

http://i1290.photobucket.com/albums/b536/1willybugger/dumpster7_zpsp9rk5qou.jpg

Muroidea Paranoia
by Snugglebuck aka. Kimmy Alan

Like Lucifer’s fall from grace
I dropped from the human race

Neurotic paranoid schizoaffective with addiction
Into the dark I retreated with my mental affliction
Dilapidating in desperation I prowl and sneak
Nearsightedly on hands and knees I rummage slink and creep
Scavenging the sewers, gutters, dumpsters, clutter and alleys
Of garbage and sewage for digestible grubbery
Filthy frizzled frazzled mangy hair crawling with lice and fleas
My surviving mustard-colored teeth decay with disease
Like tusks over my withered lips only a few remain
My dirty untrimmed fingernails are yellow and frayed
I’m harmless, yet people are startled at my sight
So I prowl in the lonely shadows of the night
My humanity is slowly disintegrating
Tweaking ticking twitching scratching shivering
Body constantly moving in psychomotor agitation
Chemical mortification of the flesh in declination
Some dumpsters are better than others
Some swill and garbage has more to offer
My inflamed olfactory detects odorants of molding
Leading me to a steel cornucopia of bakery leavings
Where I feast on musty maggot-infested sweet breads
With such abandon I’m oblivious to the iron jaws of death

“Hey Jack…Jack!
Come here quick!
Look at the huge rat
I caught in my trap!”

Sorry it was an older entry.
Good luck everyone ")

Yes - you captured that demon with your words!

Okay well even if I cannot win I still wanna share ")

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b43/tabithadrake/her_zpsfvlcqgll.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAzV2PxbzvA            
shape of my heart please listen while you read, ty.            
           
             Her:
           
She must tell her story:          
           
-------          
Upside down            
she is presented into a world            
of poverty and hate,            
left home at a tender age        
with no direction in place.          
           
She quickly became head and shoulders            
above the class,          
the usual suspect an obvious outcast....          
                   
She broke many rules to get ahead            
only to be beaten by the hands            
of a lawless government...          
           
Grew into a woman and married a maniac,            
bore two of his children            
who learned how to hate her,          
how pathetic is that?!          
           
She writes with the fragrance of bitterness,          
regret and convoluted tenderness....            
           
If she could,            
she would turn back the hands of time            
prepare herself for war rather than silence,          
avoiding the shame and pain            
of domestic violence....            
                   
Watching the sun go down            
the night sky fills with stars,          
somehow she found some solace            
among the scars.          
           
Maybe, just maybe            
Her time will come by virtue of the universe            
and she will get to play her part,            
die a fulfilled woman            
with love in her heart...  
 
 
Written by Zazzles

Must it come out again?
This dark, cursed thing?
     It's only thirsty, I suppose.

It's song wakes me from the deepest sleep.
perhaps just one drink will sate it.
     This time.

It sings it's need to me, this thing.
I can't for the life of me remember my response,

     but i woke up in a field.

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b43/tabithadrake/465948372.icon_zpsz4q8a9xr.gif


Bipolar

Ups and downs never stable.
I cry a silent song to my open wounds that will never heal...
Always the victim, I can never win...

Embraced by my childish feelings, my devilish feelings
where is the road to success?
Lost in a world of total instability,
unbalanced ambiguous emotions,
emoting nothing but sadness pain and sorrow.
All my life,
my entire life,
I have longed for the chance to live without
the paralyzing fear of failure that never leves me.

What's my purpose? What is my calling?
Chills rush through my blood,
the same blood that has left me stranded
so many times in loneliness, utter shame and confusion.

Getting ready to embark on yet another
dream to finally make something of my life.
I stand before myself looking for the answers.
Like an open book or a page from a magazine
I think there for I am is not enough...

Bold and careless strikes against my happy, my whole
I am so out of place,
I can not breath.
I quietly take the knife that has been buried deep into my
soul with my bleeding hands so numb and plunge
it in even deeper.

Please can I have the chance to be free
to feel normal?

Punished for being born seems an unfair burden to carry.
I see my reflection fade as I put myself to bed.
Another place in time, another chance to fail...