Born To Run

Is this comp abandoned?.. C'mon miki!

My laptop is down and I need to post critique and that would be hell from my phone, I pick up the hopefully fixed laptop tomorrow morning. Even finding this comp link from my mobile was useless, so thanks atakti sorry for the delay, writers. Tomorrow eve should be all posted and done.

Thank's to you all for entering...the names that are now "anon" will not be critiqued, sorry.

John Feddeler- good use of meter, timing is perfect
interesting "take" on running, with excellent use of metaphor to further convey your point/premise
recommend comma usage but the use of formatting through space is also well done here.
good use of repetition without being repetitive
the judges all agree that your poem speaks volumes on wisdom and a sort of jaded fatigue. Also exposes a lot on the duality of love and searching for versus finding it.
thank you
judge 1 ---8 out of 10
judge 2-----
7.5 out of 10
judge 3------ 7 out of 10

souladareatease-- we all found this piece to be very interesting, in word and in content.  Stanza one seemed confusing, but the flow picked up in the 2nd and held throughout. Some of the rhyme seemed a little forced in a few lines, but is balanced nicely for the most part. Good use of metaphor and description. Everyone agrees, this would make a great song. The clarity in conveying emotion, and the protagonist's objective is a little strained, we all find it lovely but are entirely unsure what it really means.
judge 1 ------- 5 out of 10
judge 2--------- 6 out of 10
judge 3 -------- 5.5

BlackVelvetRose

the strong emotional undertow is felt throughout and everyone feels this could be quite a great poem with a few edits. Wordiness-we'd suggest taking out some of the unnecessary words, and definitely the forced (or seemingly forced) rhyme scheme within. Also, try and focus the write a little more on the overall point you mean to make.
judge 1--------- 5 out of 10
judge 2 ---------- 5 out of 10
judge 3 ----------- 5 out of 10

blue_angel
we all liked this, and the ending wrapped it up nicely. we all enjoyed the overall message in the write.  One judge felt there was too many full stops (periods) and it interrupted the flow. All judges concur that this piece would be much improved by getting rid of some of the wordiness (remove some perhaps "less necessary lines". 2 of 3 judges suggest getting some of the rhyme toned down. All agree that with a bit of editing to get to the core of the poem, this could be really great.
judge 1 ------ 6.5 out of 10
judge 2 -------6 out of 10
judge 3 ------ 6 out of 10

Petit_Minou
we all agree that your message is clear and concise, the protagonist comes through well. Overall, we all liked this, good meter and flow. We think that the piece seems a little too general or lacking in emotional content and think that separating it into a few stanzas and maybe adding a line or two to reflect or magnify some of the feelings behind the words would make a good write a great one.

judge 1 ------ 6.5
judge 2--------  6.0    out of 10
judge 3 ------ 6.0

Atakti
we all enjoyed this immensely. A profound sense of loss, maybe even a tone of regret, with the protagonist coming through with intensity in good meter and timing.
All enjoyed the lack of rhyme, felt it added to the emotion of the piece.
We all concur that adding a stanza or a line or two to the existing ones with the intent of developing the story and it's depths a bit more, would be good.

judge 1 -------- 8 out of 10
judge 2 ------- 7.5 out of 10
judge 3 -------- 8 out of 10

anna_grin
we all enjoyed the refreshing tone of your piece, unique and witty.
There isn't anything we don't like about it, except maybe that you could make it a little longer to convey a bit more of your point. All found it to be light, funny...but, incomplete to some extent.

judge 1 -------- 7 out of 10
judge 2 -------- 6 out of 10
judge 3 ------------ 6.5 out of 10

lightbaron
we all loved the "feel" of leaving and impermanence that you conveyed so well here. good use of metaphor and in giving just enough to make the poem clear but at no compromise to the sense of adventure of the write. Good timing and flow.
Nice use of last line to summarize the write and add more heart to the piece with re-emphasis. We all agree that the only way to improve this is by writing more, adding character or story line development, but it stands as is quite nicely.

judge 1 ------- 8 out of 10
judge 2 ------- 7 out of 10
judge 3 ------- 7.5 out of 10

Craic Dealer
We all agree that you have a real talent for storytelling and observational writing. The two characters came through powerfully and the cocktail of emotions at play is well expressed without a need for more definition. Great adherence to the potency in the write without any unnecessary words. Again, we all feel the only way to improve this piece is to expand it, but it's great as is.

judge 1 -------9 out of 10
judge 2 -------7.5 out of 10
judge 3 -------- 8 out of 10

Tony Pena
we all enjoyed the encounter and the dialogue
the write felt unique and drew the readers in...
maybe some unnecessary extra words in each stanza that could be better used to convey more of the story or scene.
judge 1 ------ 6.5 out of 10
judge 2 ------6 out of 10
judge 3 ------6.5 out of 10

D_Poetic Engineer
We all enjoyed the "feel" of the piece, the sense of completion at long last.
we all agree that there are too many common words ( heart, soul, love, forever) which makes the piece sound a bit cliche'. The tense changes in small but noticeable variants and we all suggest editing for this. The metering is good but at times, the rhyme seems a little overly assisted, if not quite forced.

judge 1 ---- 6.5
judge 2 ----- 6.5
judge 3 ------ 6.5

kriticool
We all enjoyed your word play, you demonstrate a mastery of language that is impressive. Because of the intelligence behind each rhyme, your rhyme never feels forced. If any edit was suggested, it would be simply to add more clarity to what you have said.
great flow

judge 1 ----- 7 out of 10
judge 2 ------ 7 out of 10
judge 3 ------ 7.0 out of 10

DystopianMelody
We all enjoyed this, but felt in unison that the first half left us confused and the 2nd half was truly impressive. We'd suggest re working the start for a little clarity. If you make it all as good as the 2nd half, it would be truly quite impressive! flow is good too.

judge 1 ----- 7 out of 10
judge 2 ------ 7 out of 10
judge 3 -------- 6.5 out of 10

deadwolf
we all enjoyed this, a catchy song with some great lines!
rhyme feels slightly forced in a couple of places, but in a song-it's hard to say such a thing until really "hearing" how it's used, so we let that go. We all like the contrast of emotion and how it's blended with the scene, each time.
we all concur that to improve this piece, all we'd suggest is adding a bit more depth to the emotion, maybe with a line or two at the start. We like it a lot as is, too.

judge 1 -----7.0
judge 2 -----7.0
judge 3 ----- 6.0


Thank you ALL again for entering, and for your patience while my laptop got repaired!
Great work in here, and please ALL remember that these are simply the opinions of a few people, so if you don't like the critique or agree with it, sorry. Don't let reviews and critique define you, use it to your benefit and let it go.

thank's again DUP friends

Based on the points given by each judge to each entrant

1st place Craicdealer

2nd  Atakti
3rd Feddeler and lightbaron tied

Well done, Craic!

Good show, Feddeler and lb...

Thanks for setting this up, miki, brilliant.

Congrats Craic!!!
And thank You for the cool comp. and kind Critique -indeed a bit cryptic ;)

:-)

Ah Man, this competition was Fun as Hell, thanks Miki for this one... And Craic, Atakti, Congratulations my friends, VERY Well Done: Eddie

glad this one was enjoyed-sorry about the delay in judging but you can all hopefully see now why it would have been such a pain to post via mobile

you all always make me proud
((okay, most of you, most of the time)

Thank's Mikki, didn't think you'd be out of bed for some time yet ...just catching some air?

close enough scores lads, ladies congrats to all.


I'd like to dedicate this trophy to the countless Goats being sent from these green fields over to Africa as Christmas presents. I can only imagine their utter joy at being told they're going somewhere sunny, then their poor little hearts sinking when they look for some grass


anyhow, if you'd like to buy a goat and send it to Africa here's a link will help you:


http://www.oxygen.ie/bothar_caught_illegally_trafficking_livestock_across_africa.PAGE1191.html


...don't let words like 'illegally and trafficking' sway you  

if you're gonna be an animal that's a present
best go for cow to India
goat to Africa, sounds very bleak indeed!

damn livestock traders really boil my blood tho
and, yeah
air has been nice
nite nite xx

Congrats to the winners and many thanks to you, Miki, for all your efforts.

mikimoondancer said:if you're gonna be an animal that's a present
best go for cow to India


dunno about that one Mikki, if I was going to be an animal that's a present I think I'd go for being Devilish's birthday horse

Great comp, great poetry. & thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it tremendously...

Thanks for all of the appreciation, glad this went over well
And Craic.. I would like to see santas response to that on your christmas list :-)lol

I'm sorry, I know this is well overwith, but had to interject my late, late non-entry. it just needs its home. And congratulations to CraicDealer. well deserved.



i'm sure Springsteen sang it first
but i only heard it in your head
only, only, only

would've had it branded
into the back of my neck
so they'd all know
'i told you so;
she was always gonna flake away' --
always was
a flighty fucker out of character
donning rope and rock
[a noble convention]
to prove that girl don't have to run

but you were the best thing
that nearly never happened
the story i unwrote
and redressed
the beat i can [still] amp to, sway to
even in my sleep

and for reason none could tell
it was reflection of orange streetlights
off nighttime raindrops on the black pub door
that brought churning sea
right back to the core of me

it dawned, then, and set the same
a rev and rumble in my head humming
only, only, only