Suicide

Congratulations Society


She sat alone,
Alone at home,

Where her screams where silent,
But her mind was violent.

Her insecurities hid deep inside
And they did indeed eat her alive.

A tear rolled down her face,
As her heart began to race.

She took her blade and tore her skin,
where her depression lied deep within.

This went on for days, months, years,
And until she cried her very last tears.

She decided that she had enough,
The world around her was much too tough.

She took a gun to her head.

Congratulations society,
She is dead.

Gone



Sitting at her desk.
She knows its time to go.
She’s tired, so very tired.

She goes to get the rope…
Or the knife…
Or anything she chooses.
Because she is just that desperate to leave.

No ones home
It’s the perfect time.
She’s ready.
If she doesn’t do it now she’s going to hate herself even more.

No one knows.
No one will know.
Until later…

She gets the video camera, along with a chair.

She decides on the rope.
She’ll be gone instantly.
There will be no noise.

With one side of the rope tied to the fan,
The other around her neck.

She turns on the camera
And stares at the blinking red dot.
She starts to mumble.
She starts apologizing for everything to everyone.

One foot is off the chair now.  

With the remote control in her hand.
With her finger already on the off button, she clicks it off.

As soon as she sees that light go off.

She goes off.

Goodbye



Fake smile.
Tired eyes.

Cut wrists.
Bruised thighs.

White pills.
Rope tied.
 
Gun loaded.

Goodbye.

Daisies and dafodiles snd sunshine n shit..

Uncaged.
The beast of Avalon
thrashes a still
caged up me
with my soul in the restraints
of
everyday hum drum...
society's standard reality...
Arms and legs tethered
in classic hog tie style
with rope of heart ache
and a gag of fuck the world insight
blinded by the lights...
let loose in my brain
a feeling of wanton disregard
of future calamity
brought on by life as a
tortured on the wrack
soul
As soulfully my essence
lets loose a guttoral release,
screaming
painfully for a solace
that seems never to come.
Soon calm..
and as the slug travels in slow motion through the grey matter,
time stops
(or what we perceive as time)
and the soul's release
of restraints
as if removed upon the last breath
of mortal enslavement
to
this wretched brokedown palace
of a temple...
Essence evacuated from its earthly encampment, a slight pause
to witness the color drain from my now,
at ease
not so rigor face,
my me feels release..
A lyrical suicide of epic proportions
Befalls an american fuckup..

Intricate B

I told you good-bye as I got off of the bus to go home
I had it planned out so well
I was going to grab my pills and a knife to end my pain
I fucking hated everything
I was done
Done with life, done with you
I went home and cried for all the times I fucked up
I know that I caused you so much pain and grief and I'm sorry
You tried everything to save me again
And I just wouldn't listen
I'm sorry, but I'm standing on the bridge now
I have to go

This isn't really a poem it's more of a short story, but nonetheless, it is about suicide.



Out of all the thoughts that circle in my head daily, the only one that always seems to creep it's way to the surface is the one I try to hide from the most. How different would things really be if I was to end it? From my experiences not that much different.

Every time I look in the mirror, I see myself standing there. Pained eyes smothered by lies, mediocre lips hushed by the constant criticism. Folded ears blocked by the false hopes. By looking at me, you wouldn't think my heart is really a graveyard. I've put every hope and dream to rest. If you're wondering what made me this way, it all started with a single wish.

I was a normal high school girl. I had a lot of friends, mostly fake. I played sports. I wore the newest clothes. I had a boyfriend. So what was wrong with the picture? Although I loved my boyfriend, I had a fling with a guy I'd always had a crush on. We got close, me and him. He had a girlfriend too, though. We had to keep our secret romance under the covers. We used to mess around every day. Stealing kisses, holding hands, telling our deepest darkest secrets.

They always say the people we care the most about are always the ones to hurt us the most in the end. The only problem with that is that we don't want to recognize it's happening to us until we are actually standing in the bathroom with the razor blade to our wrists.

I lost just about everyone I thought I could count on in my life. My best friend turned out to be a b*tch. Friends disappeared. All I had was the guy I had the romance with. I called him over one night after a long day of hearing all of my family drama. We danced with Mary Jane and before I knew it our clothes were off and we were doing the dirty. It was too late to stop it then. I kind of shut out the rest of what happened.

After our clothes were back on, we talked for a little bit, mostly about how I wished things were different. During conversation he whispered he loved me. Were my ears mistaken? I don't think so. I asked "What?" To which he quickly responded, "nevermind." After that short conversation I realized he had lied to me. I could sense a great distance between us.

I had been deflowered by my treasure chest. Someone I confided in. Someone I was secretly in love with. I tried not to think too much of it. I managed to slip by three weeks without a thought of it. Until one night I broke down. Nothing has been the same since.

I wonder how my used to be friends would feel if I were to end my life? Who would show up at my funeral? Would anyone really miss me? Would he feel bad about the way he did things? Would it ruin his life like he ruined mine? I can only hope.

Enough thinking. I'm not gonna talk about it this time. I've regretted the truth of a thousand lies. I'm going to face myself now. As I'm cleaning the blade I'm going to slit my own wrist with, I down two whole bottles of over the counter sleep aid. Just before I do the deed, I send a text out to the person who caused this pain.

It reads, "I hope you're always happy with what you choose in life. Just know I loved you in every way I could've. I know I'm not perfect but I would've tried to be for you. You took the innocence right out of me. You'll hold it in your hands forever. When you hear the news, just remember my face. Happy and smiling. When you look at your girlfriend, I hope you always remember the way I used to be. I hope one day you'll realize what you did. It'll eat away at your soul. I love you forever."

The pain is very fast. There's a river flowing. Flowing through my veins. Rushing to the surface as if it's drowning. Spilling over my skin like a volcano. I look down to see my arm covered in red. I'm feeling light headed. I think ill cut the other just to feel the pain again. This time the pain is sharper. Deeper. I know this will do the trick. This wound is like Niagara Falls. My white sink is now red. There's so much blood. I stagger backwards and fall against the tub. In my last final minutes all I can seem to think about is you. You know who you are. I would've given everything. I guess that's the reason I'm giving my life. Just as I'm closing my eyes to drift into a slumber from which I shall not wake, your face fills my thoughts.

When I wake, it's not in a hospital. It's not in my bed. And no, it's not in YOUR arms. It's on a bed of flowers surrounded by clouds. I can tell I am no longer human. I'm running. I stop and look to the right and there it is. My funeral. To my surprise, there's quite a lot of people there I would've never expected to even show their face. My dead corpse looks beautiful. Have I always looked that way? My hair falls softly, my lips look like they're full of secret kisses. I look... Peaceful. The closest person to my casket is my mother. Wondering why she didn't notice anything. My brother is next. Then the rest of my family. I see my used to be Bestfriend with her new Bestfriend. She's crying. Good. I see my new Bestfriend. He isn't crying. A single tear slips out of his eye. I know he will go home and drink his pain. Maybe I'll see you soon friend. I look close by and there is my ex. Wishing he had it to do over. I feel a tightness in my throat as I start to realize the innocence thief is nowhere to be seen. Just as I start to give up hope I see him stumble in. I can tell he's not sober. He rushes to the casket to see my beautiful sleeping corpse. I've never seen him cry, until now. He's crying the same as my mother. I hear him whisper, "I will always love you, sweetheart. I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner. I'll see you tonight." Just as I hear that, his girlfriend walks in. I can tell she is carrying his child. He kisses her cheek and leaves.

Put then gun to my head and pull the trigger end me of all my pain.
I gained nothing in life that makes me want to live
I give up on all my dreams,
A stream of blood comes flowing from my cut
but self mutilation not bringing me any joy
Toyed with by god by putting what I desire in my sight,
Despite that fact its always out of reach
So tempted to die by drinking this bottle of bleach
I don't want to continue to breath kill me now
how would any one want to live through such torture
Vultures circling above prepared to feast on my corpse
If I die today I doubt anyone would feel remorse,
All I feel is misery I am going to end my life tonight
All the tears I cried are now dry
It becomes night, I die and see the light
This night of my death I take my final breath
I fall into the abyss this bliss brings me happiness to finally be relieved of all my agony.

A millionaire
A father who doesnt care
For a son with dyed hair
Who abuses his unlucky life
Cause it's way too unfair
That he's got all that there's
There to want girls, drugs, new Nike airs
And he's been everywhere
But. mama left him
Him and his dad both oh he's unlucky semen
So when he's old enough to be too young
Big surprise there's his demons

And time is lost
And a million's gone
Blown on coke, girls girls girls
Cheap liquor at dawn
when he was young he was withdrawn
The troublemaker impulses he'd act on
Later hoes telling him get on
Yeah
Lines in the bathroom just help him get off
Who woulda knew the rich life was at such a high cost
Oh
And dad died but that's not really such a loss
An religion? Forget it he wears his cross just
Cause it goes with his outfit
High and pissed simultaneously
he plays hit a bitch

A million owned
A fortune is blown
divided by lawsuits most the money is gone
Child support aw rubbers he shoulda worn
a number of loans and debts that are coming along
So where are  his friends now
drinking partying at his house
Laughing and going out
But disappearing  with his gold crown
The King now he's down
He's got a perpetual frown and
He can't leave town
Without letting the state know
Probation six years cause robberies twiced
Didn't even have a gun just under the influence
Of his fatal flaw avarice

There he is again
120 drunk around a bend
Wanted to go out witha hella bang
Killed two kids in his mazzaraddi, inhumane.  

A milli he had
A million fads
The service was almost empty oh, so sad
That he's dead and he's gone but what a life he had

The Blade That Took Her Life.

She has always dreamed about
taking her life.

A sliver blade in shimmering light.

She figured no one would care
or even dared to think about her.

Her pain, her thoughts, they're
unbearable.

She always sit's alone and wonders
why she can't have what they have.

A smiling face with light in each eye.

Drowning in depression.

She shows no expression.

She figured she get a good look on
what hurts her the most.

Before she goes home and takes her life.

A beating heart turns faint.
She takes her life with that shinning blade.
Sliced her wrist, the blood just pours out.

On the floor it creates a puddle.
Nothing lost but hurt memories.

She takes her last breathe.
Her heart stops, and she disappears into
the light.

She becomes free.
Leaving her pain behind.
As she leaves with the spirit of the sky.

Suicide....

BLACK SHEETS

This day, I find that no words at all can convey
This final depth of suffering…

Ive been in low places before,
But never one so deep and dark as this.
Now Death sure looks like it would be such bliss
So come now, take me away with your kiss

But every time that you come around
As I feel your weight, and you start to press down
I seem to whimp out
Begging for the air in my lungs again
Turning away from the little light at tunnel’s end
For fear of the pain, the end of the game…
And ultimately- of judgement afraid…

But it just sinks deeper and deeper in-
This blade thats been lodged between my ribs
Everyday sinking and twisting
Another inch… Another inch…
As I wait for that single puncture’s pinch
But can only marvel that heart still persists:

How…
How do you carry on still
How can you continue, when I have lost my will?
You give me no options, no choice
And you continue to scream, even after I’ve lost my voice

Heart: Please let me go…I beg
Death: Just let me go…bring the end
I can’t take any more;
No longer make me endure…

I’ve laid out my black satin sheets
And on them I lie right here, waiting
Not to see another morning;
But on this night, come and take me.