Questions of sanity..

Often in my writing, it comes out that I question my sanity on a very serious level, and I find that those are the writes that I feel the deepest of emotions with.

I'm curious about how many others feel the same way.

Up to two poems per poet..
Old or new..
Any style of write..
I want to see poems where, you felt the most intense emotion, questioning your own sanity.
The more detail on emotion felt, the better.

Hint: visual writes are generally most impressive to me..

http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/images/uploads/poemimages/93768.jpg
The Bitter End

If I was transparent
the world could see  
The little girl
and the lion in me
 
Sometimes i wonder
can god tell us apart?  
Does he see the anger
that blankets my heart?  
   
The light in me
slowly faded  
The price you pay
when all love is jaded
 
I am not at fault
my hands are clean  
Yet damage surrounds me
more is forseen  
   
Crumbling under the weight
of this head  
Starting to think
my angels are dead
 
The footprints of others
all over my skin  
My love not returned
tossed in the bin  
   
Boiling point
I don't even care  
I now look at life
with a cold hard stare
 
Blood of my blood
denying the shame  
Nobody's child
A borrowed name  
   
The edge creeping closer
with every breath  
Is it truth that sets you free
is it really death?
 
Buried inside this version of me  
Loosing my grip on reality  
 
Close to explosion
I am about to blow  
The rage inside leaking
A constant flow
 
If I could just hold on
until I go insane  
Set my mind free
make a stranger of pain  
   
I don't think I can
contain this blast  
Send my soul salvation
blank out the past
 
So sick and tired
this ageing struggle  
When i close my eyes
I see the piles of rubble
 
I fight back, get up
try and try some more  
It's always the same
I land face on the floor  
 
When you scream out
as I have done  
Take a good look
what I have become
 
As you beg for mercy
A desperate face  
Watch me walk away
you drown in disgrace  
 
It won't be long now
until the bitter end  
The moment has passed
to slow my descend
 
Why could nobody see
what I was worth?  
Faintly beating heart
abandoned at birth  
   
Now justice is just
an empty word  
I could have been saved
if my cries had been heard.

Very good!! Thank you for starting out this competition!!

http://us.cdn4.123rf.com/168nwm/pasiphae/pasiphae1210/pasiphae121000026/15812370-female-doctor-makes-a-visit-at-home.jpg
Visit Mum Day
   
Knots in my stomach
I hate feeling this way  
I thicken my skin
It's visit mum day  
 
I walk down the hall
it feels it has no end  
Take a deep breath
as I approach the bend  
 
I walk in the room
wishing for a warm embrace  
She glares with caution
at the strangers face
 
I place the flowers down
draw the curtains back  
She looks at me like
I am about to attack  
 
She starts screaming loudly
she says it's not true  
I do have a daughter
It is not you
 
Who are you really?
why are you here?  
It breaks my heart
her undeniable fear  
 
I walk out the room
try to catch my breath  
I wonder if a life lived
and forgotten is worse than death
 
Maybe I shouldn't have come
because now she's upset  
I remind myself
she can't choose who to forget  
 
As I exit the car park
my tyres spin on the gravel  
I swear I can feel my heart
start to unravel
 
This torture in a way  
I do to myself  
I could never put her
on the too hard shelf

Nice..

Somethings Missing



I've searched
high and low
and here and there
I've looked everywhere

in my mind and
in my heart
I've even looked in the dark

back through time
and in the now
but its nowhere
to be found

I've poured through words
line upon line
every structure and every rhyme

I've dug through my soul
time and again
looked to the thoughts deep within

I've searched the day
and through the night
so elusive when it hides

under the bed
and behind the couch
but still it cannot be found

in the closets
that are overstuffed
I'm starting to miss it
very much

the basement is full
but its not there
I even went and looked upstairs

I've looked on the shelves
at the store
but can;t find it to buy some more

in the car
even under the seats
popped the trunk to look and see

in desperation
I've sifted through
the box of papers in my room

its not in the cabinets
where we keep
all of the important things

I'm not sure
where else to look
maybe in a dusty book

perhaps I left it
in my jeans
with candy wrappers
and different things

or in the pocket
of my coat
on a hanger?
I don't know

but I know
I must admit
that today I am missing it

so I'll go
through my day today
and I will try to be okay

missing things
that make me whole
I guess I'll just have to cope

in my life
I've lost many things
but I really miss sanity

(A new one:)


A Temporary Moment In Time


Propulsion—
That’s the feeling it’s all about
When my soul
Could no longer stand to remain
Within my flesh.
Launching, speeding,
Until I felt invisible enough
To pass through anything
In my path,
Unsticking myself
From my body,
Leaving it behind.

The sunlight used to hurt;
Charging my skin,
Electrifying,
Millions of bugs crawling
Underneath
While they watched…..
The Ones, Them,
“The Watchers”
Transparent, themselves
But aware of my every move
On their monitors.

“They” were everywhere;
No escape
No rest
And they made the cylinder in my head
Spin
Spin faster,
Until the only relief was to cut—
Cut to dull the cacophony;
My own nails on my back,
Tearing
Flesh
Where it wouldn’t be seen;
A secret hole—
An exit for me to climb out
Of myself.
_____________________________________

(And a very old one:)


Pigs In Taxicabs


Madness, sadness
Gladness, can’t stand this.

Strife, my life,
A knife, cut it out.

The part that hurts,
So I can’t feel.
With despair, darkness flirts.
It’s all surreal.

Irate, I berate,
My fate, self-imposed.

Jaded, I’m faded,
I hate, it all.

The emotional wave,
Of insanity’s ride,
On an ocean, enslaved
To control, apathy, and pride.

Thrill me, kill these torment-thoughts
Dice them, ice them on a slab.
Take aim, the game, a pot-shot.
Each a moving target, a pig in a taxicab.

Forgotten

All the World has been forgotten
Slipped through my mind
like water through a screen
Sanity giving way to chaos.

Without the my world
I question wether I am real
without my sanity
I question my exsistence

Am I real?
or is this Surreal?
Is this really me?
or have you truely gone.

Very nice, Madame, and Missing peace.. Very good.. This is going to be tough to judge!! KEEP EM COMING!!

All the walls are closing in
Surronded by the past
Walking in sin
Blinded for my lust for evil and cruelty
I'm not really mean
I just enjoy the taught of killing
Vile,wicked countless acts I've commited
And got away with
Should I be stoped
For acting out my taughts that make me happy
I try looking for the answer
To why I am the way I am
Maybe a dark path
Was a road I'd always had to take
Destiny or faith
Which ever you fancy
For my will is lost
Week thrown into the dust
The sins I've commited
Shape who I've become
I smile upon the christen idea of hell
For when I die  maybe I should suffer
Drink my tears andf swallow bowls of sulpher
To ease my concinse by confessing my sin to the evil father
Live each day in burning fire
For the hurt I've caused my fellow brothers and sisters
Only in hell shalt I mutter my failures
My sins....
I enter darkness
Which called me for so many years
To darkness who I loved to answer
I am a sinner
Dweller of pain
A lover of evil
I greet the fallen with kisses and hugs
Its good to know
That I'm not alone
In this resting place
Of brimstone and fire
Welcome me beautiful darkness
Who called to me on earth
To spread thy will
Of brutality and hurt
Open your arms oh darkness
Cradle me in the abyss
Of countless pain and suffering
I see now I was foolish
I see now I was a fool
Rejoicing in the act of the moment
Like a begger
Who found a jewl
Only thinking ,living for my sin
Its only a pity
Its only a pity
That the pleasure in disobediance
Must always have an end
An emotional mental scare created within
See I got a revelation
Conviction of self
Life is not short
infact it is long
For those who suffer
In constant agony and pain
Short quick death will never come
Its like a joke
On sinners that will never be done
Till you end up confessing your crimes
And to beautiful hell you run........

Quack Doctors
*******************

Looking in the mirror
my reflection repulses me.
My hair, all tangled and straggly,
my white clothes baggy and unappealing.

I guess I am resigned to sealing myself away,
to keep 'her' at bay.
I glance around the room, all the bare plastic…
No sharp objects, that's the new rule,
ever since I stabbed that nurse…
things haven't been as cool
for me.

They always yank me around now,
I am not a head of cow to be herded around…
I am a human being!
Well two….two human beings.

Or is it just one?
This is where I get a little confused.
I am so used to her being with me,
shielding me and helping me,
she is a part of me….
but my shrink keeps telling me she isn't real,
which is laughable to me, because I know she is!
I've spoken to her on numerous accounts, daily!

But they don't understand her, or me.
They don't know what we have been through,
the lives we lived,
the things we survived.

The cold nights of terror,
ice cold tingling of fear in our veins,
she is what kept me restrained
from pure madness.

And these quack doctors want to say she isn't real??

Very good!! Keep em coming people!!

Running down the street
the shadow behind me
a figure chasing my body down an alley
an alley i'm not even in
i'm in a small room
brick walls
cameras everywhere
i'm being watched
i'm running
but i'm not going anywhere
tied down to a chair
they say they care
do i belong here?
who knows i'm here?
i have to go to work tomorrow
i can't be crazy right now.
but i'm being chased
running for my life
he catches me
i feel the sting of his hand
his hand across my face
fingers stinging my cheeks
i'm struggling
tugging on the restraints on my wrists
kicking at the ones on my ankles
i can't move
and then i realize.
i'm not losing it
i lost it a long time ago.
this isn't a chase
it's just another day.
just another day as a schizophrenic.
just another day as a psych patient.