Scars

beaten and cursed upon all my life,
so i stayed up all night trying to cut it all out with just a knife,
but my mother she still hits me and my fathers still dead,
burried him myself cuz i couldnt stand the sight of him,
friends? who needs them? these people i read about online and the pen in my hand are all i need,
people who care and dont want to hurt please come to me,
you know everything happens for a reason,
so whys it this that you read??

Shhh....


“Whisper now, I love you my good girl.”

“Be quiet now, no one can hear you.”

“Sit down now, that's it my good girl.”

“Spread your knees now, just for a little.”

“Don't worry now, there's my good girl.”

“Relax now, I'm just gunna kiss you.”

“See now, it's nice my good girl.”

“Don't cry now, you're supposed to enjoy it.”

“Hush now, be calm my good girl.”

“There now, it's almost time.”

“Whisper now, you're such a good girl.”

“See now, how grandaddy loves you?”

badge of honor
I wear my scars like a badge of honor.    
I'm proud of them for making me a strong person.    
The perma split in my lip forever reminding me    
I didn't take it lying down    
I didn't just say stick it in.    
I said go ahead and stick it in    
I'll BITE THAT MOTHER FUCKER RIGHT OFF.    
and I tried    
Mother fucker.    
 
 
I wear my scars with my head held high.    
you broke my nose without a backward glance    
expecting me to cower in fear    
a fear I would never willingly show you.    
I licked the blood streaming down my face    
and laughed, looking you straight in the eyes    
yeah fuck you too daddy    
figuratively speaking    
 
I saw my cheek opened to the bone    
forgive the fuck outa me for going to the fair    
I guess you taught me not to disobey    
I just laughed and stuck my finger on the bone    
and twisted    
stupid mother fucker    
you taught me how to be fearless  
while black holed mother thought me insane    
 
I wear your claw marks on my face    
proudly    
with pomp and ceremony    
marching down the halls of my youth    
remembering that I got you back    
I took flesh from your face with my nails    
I'm a bitch and I pay back    
 
I hold my head high, look the world in the eye    
and say I am as good as you are    
I may be scarred, but my scars hold a place of honor    
on my body and face    
They say to the world that I didn't just take it lying down    
I gave it back. Fuck I DID!!    
 
You bashed me and bashed me for my defiance    
begging me to stop making you hit me    
telling me it didn't have to be this way    
if I would just BOW to your power    
BOW WOW mother fucker    
that all you got?    
 
I would rather be beat to death than to surrender    
I pitted my mind against yours    
and I payed heavily, yet so did you    
 
I was a soldier in my own war    
and I wear my scars like a badge of honor    
Stupid mother fucker    
You never did know me at all  

Sometimes you have to be a little insane to survive.  
   

I can recall your face
All gaunt and shrouded in grey
I felt your hands cold and still
I knew tonight you left me far behind

There is nothing I can say
That will replace the guilt in my heart
But my mind was on foolish things
I should have been by your side

And I know
You faded away on your own
Surrounded by unfamiliar faces
Growing cold on that desolate floor

Wherever you are I hope you are well
Know that all that you are is still here
Everything you are still remains
Deep inside my heart

I hate how you bring me down cut me down.

 Make me feel like noting it happens every so often I wanna scream
 
I tear up inside hoping someone will notice.
 
But it's always to well hidden even the I'm just waiting to crawl out in pain.

I was never good enough well that's how I feel.

My mind is shallow my thoughts are blunt

My Brain well there is non.

So I will sit on my ass and grit my teeth in till the best meal arrives on the bus of hell.

Well now it's another day, so the sun has come out to shine.

There is no fights to be fought.

Tears have gone south.

My mood has gone with it.

Now new moods have arrived no more tears to shed.

Though my throat hurts I'm in pain.

But the life I live goes on.

Anyways I'm wondering when will all start again.

I thought if start to prepared myself for this battle.

It will stop the pain.

But soon I shall now.

                                            Innocence Taken

         

It's taken most of my life to finally not to judge myself to deal with what happened so many years ago
In my own reasoning you are a twisted abomination who walks this earth, insanity had taken ahold of me after your moral indiscretion
of taking a young girls innocence and pride and leaving her with feelings of no self worth, judgements of myself coming at me like a double edged sword
My moral compass why did I let this happen it was me I blamed
I've labled and scrutinized myself through my life's journey of revealing the truth now it's time I write my story down on paper
no more to be kept locked in my head ashamed of myself I now know there was nothing I did wrong!

It's what seems a lifetime ago I wish not to keep track of that dark and dreary night from me my body and virtue you took making me feel broken and insecure
to this date I still remember all of my bruises they still seem fresh vividly intolerable as I revive certain memories
Black and blue thighs, raw all over sick to my stomache
Left ashamed and alone on that dark lonely country road
For what seems like miles I walked crying in despair a frightened fifteen year old girl what did I do to deserve this is all I could think, how could you violate your own flesh and blood  Dear cousin
When finally home I arrive without notice off to the shower to wash away your stench and the feel of your touch from my body
Not a soul I did tell for fear of being labled a liar
for everyone thought him a hero having been a marine and serving his country if only they new what a zero you are
Today I'm lots better just an unfortunate thing that happened to me
In me used to live a constant battle and now I know I'm not the rape but the journey has taken me through all years
I think myself no longer inpure and a victim, I'm no longer visibly bruised but the black and blues remain in the back of my mind
And I know I'm a beautiful person when once thought ugly and unworthy of anyone's love
But alas now I love myself again and let others love me
I'm all grown up now and feeling rather content with myself
and my new outlook on life has welcomed me with open arms no longer a prisoner of shame

Molotov dreams

she was fourteen years old
when the boys at school
pressed her up against dark walls
in deserted hallways
and told her they'd light her house on fire
with the Molotov cocktails they'd made
just for her

shaking hands on an emptying bottle of brandy
she secretly drank herself to sleep
to dream of screams and a stake
where she was crucified
for reasons she couldn't comprehend

a post-traumatic-stress statistic
found foetal and crying, alone in a closet
long past the threshold of a therapists dream

all because a couple of country boys
had nothing better to do
then idly threaten a girl too scared
to understand that words weren't cocktails
waiting to be set alight
and murder her family while she slept

blurry lines

my mother drew the line at him informing me
how to shoot up
like it was meant to be funny
educating a kid on how to be a junky

it’s moments like that where I wonder
if words can kill
the memory of them like the cigarette burn
I’ll forever carry on my arm
from the time he hugged me
while happily drunk  

there’s a temptation that plays over in my head
eggs and beer being washed through my hair
with tears that run down my face
in humiliation and a lack of understanding
of how coating a seven year old in beer
is funny

boys brought up with God complexes
with cocks like guns
used as weaponry against the “fairer sex”
as though every little girl needs a “daddy” figure
to teach her about belt straps
and bucket bongs

and men are never wrong
even when they’re never right
and everything is so fucking serious
all the time
no time for chocolate
when the scales have added a pound
“drop and gimme twenty!”

she drew the line at him telling me how to shoot up
and reminded me every day that I was beautiful
and not to worry about silly men that called me fat
but the thing about having an absent father figure
and random men come in and out of your life
is there is always a desire to find that approval
in men that don’t deserve it
and they taught me things
no child should ever have to know

she never had the courage to do it differently

Feel It Deep

Hey you feel that
You feel it so deep
Hey you like that
The feeling you get when you rape me

Push me up against the wall
I can't wait till I can see you fall
You like your dick being wet
I wish we would have never met

Kill me as you fill me
Rape me as you break me
I cry and writhe
Now I'll say goodbye.

Your playing is over
My body is gold
Now take this I will be Avenged Sevenfold <3

Leave this place now
I am not gonna bow
Now it's my turn to have some fun
So turn around and run

Scars

It's like a
desperate addict
hounding for
a required fix

It ejaculates with the
rushed urgency
of premature orgasm

Sounds like
shredding cat claws
and spills over
like intoxicating wine

The sensation
is unlike any
ecstasy induced high
imaginable

It's the way
a masochist masturbates
with razors and
moans with desire

Sexy and
laced with imbecility
like ripped fishnets
on eighteen-year-olds

As good as
watching the sun rise
and puffing the first drag of a cigarette
in the
early misty hours of dawn

It stings
like the delightful slap
of shooting whiskey
straight from the bottle

And it's
as visually stimulating
as the first view
of an artists
undiscovered masterpiece

But it's humiliating
and a guilty pleasure
just like Roberts
no-no love

I only use
nostalgia and ink
as imprinted tattoos
for yesterdays turmoil
nowadays

So everytime
I see the scars
of teenage adolescent enmity,
and past twisted lovers
disfigurements of passion,
I think of all these things
and more

She(the depression)
she felt her mind going blank.
the confusion vortexed in her mind.
questioning her right, what wrong.
singing the lyrics to her song.
she felt sick...
missing all things in life that made her smile
her friends,and family.
but surly she knew her sickness brought them distance.
she felt closed in, as if she couldnt brake free.
was it because she was always angry?
the confusion stuck in her mind.
family, friends leveing her behind.
she no longer speek of her sickness that has been brought
apone.
she leve herself to contsell the mad missing all  of
what she had
she felt her mind going blank, the confusion vortexed in her mind
questioning whats right,whats wrong.
singing the lyrics to her song.

-Kumiko Yamamoto

Drowning Ghost

The Curse was born in darkness.
drowning in a sea of emotion.
stretching and reaching round thy brain,
thoughts have over taken, so i go insane.
clasping uncertainty mesmerized by fears,
demons of the night take souls and tears.
Aware of the bottomless ocean below,
Frightened by the improbability of it all.

trapped in this mirror...of this drowning sea.
 
Each direction takes a pull at thy limbs.
screaming and chocking on emotional box.
Faint, faint, there is dark in its eyes,
screeching howls from numerous cries.

Giving our eyes,a floating world,
creating the many arms and legs of evil.
this cures darkens my spirit each day.
encased in the fetor of a hessian tomb.
slinking into tired,tissue-thin walls.

Faint, faint words scrambled in my head,
its to late know, your limbs are dead.
thy beautiful corps drown in a tunnel,
so thy lay in brittle walls..
thee equation boast humanity,
struggling as time picked up speed.
Faint, faint, my mind will lead,
tiring nots her limbs will bleed.

Faint, faint, my voice grew dry.
fading to nothing so she began to cry.

-Kumiko Yamamoto

twas the nightmar on xmas

i dread the time for christmas day
wish summer could last like hottist bay.
 
dad come home drunk once more
hunting me down of natures war.
 
i no he dosnt mean this,
the cuts an brusis how.
to take a toll of bottle,
hes way to drunk know.
 
just a christmas day to remember
on this cold day of december....
 
a day of celebration, that came to a fall,
haunted nights of xmas,and masquerade ball.
 
 
-Kumiko Yamamoto

Scars can be so deep some times
not jus physical
but when there where two of them
not knowing they where both doing the same thing to you
hurting you
pushing you
pulling you
touching you
forceing you
leaving horibble deep scars
on the surface of your skin
but also on the inside of you
and theres nothing you can do
you jus have to let those lacerations heal into pink old scars