Mental Moments

Here are your rules:

500 word limit
3 entries per poet
1 week

I look forward to your entries

DreamingMetrist

DEPRESSION DECONSTRUCTED

Depression is not, all in your mind

It makes you sick, it breaks your heart

You cannot, pull yourself up

By the laces, of your shoes

This kind of advice, should never be used


It is a disease of the brain

The brain rules the body

People with hepatitis, are at risk

Demonstrating the immune system

Is involved, cytokines and other parts


If you have not had it, it is hard to explain

Body looks OK, lots and lots of psychic pain

Mountains out of molehills, small insults hurt

Your friends and family just want you to:

“Get over it”, “Exercise”, “Take Vitamins”


Finally the role of medications

These are only second generation

Give us 30 mores years we will find better meds

Until then, juggling 3 or 4 or 5 meds, will find

You feeling even more, out of your mind


Depression is NEVER here to stay

It can and it WILL go away

So, if your friend or family member

Has this disease, do not take it lightly

Do not tease, Stay with him or her

Treat them gently, for they are hurting

Treat them gently, for it could be you!

DEPRESSION 1.0


1.      OBSERVATION

Describe true depression
To those who never felt
Blue go to black
Looking at the belt
Easy way out
Do not have the gall
To dump all this
On friends and family
Too much guilt to inflict


2.      DEFINITION

Coming and going
A black deep inland sea
Forms in my brain
Washes over me
Feels like I am over my head
Pull the blinds
Eyes covered
In a veil of gray

3.      CORRECTION

The endless juggling
Of pills in combinations
N 4 conjugated nine times
Some pills work
Not forever, not all the time
Sylvia...is this why
You put your head
In the oven


4.        DESTRUCTION

Exorcism seems so sound
Not scientific
No longer respected
End of the line
Get those nameless
Awful dark values
Out of my mind

5.      CREATION

Bending down
Without breaking
Like a willow branch
With a short noose
Fall to the ground
Waiting for me
The silent tears
Of a caring tree.

Sanitarium

Hazy thoughts of discontent  
plague my confidence as of late
A dampening of emotions causing
a moldy growth over my conscience
 
I wonder as to whether
my lackluster existence is to blame
Introverted into my own  
claustrophobic prison of doubt
 
Seclusion is starting to wear on me
where there used to be just anxiety
the process of conversion has begun  
mutating back into debilitating insanity  
 
Once insane, always insane
though the intensity comes and goes  
There's a healing process
when you almost find the strength to move on
 
But the disease always seems to resurface
sooner or later it comes creeping back
Consuming the sub-conscience in darkness
taking the clarity out of thought
 
I'm reminiscent now of those dreary years
Forced into a cold, lonely confinement
the intoxication of medications
gradually diminishing any free will
 
Linoleum flooring and a sterile scent
These are the demons that ravage my mind
creating a backdrop for my nightmares
taking place on the coldest nights  
 
I try not to hyperventilate  
My bitterness does not allow anything so pathetic
that could give away my growing trepidation
if only I could convince myself that
 
I can feel that I'm on the brink
crumbling into a puddle of incoherence
What was it he said to me last time?
the third time that I visited that place?
 
These words are always on my mind
"Next time you come in will be the last,
you won't be leaving after that."
For that alone I have persevered  
 
I tried my hardest to leave it behind me
These past years I had become reserved
cynicism driving me into my barren sanctuary
where nothing could affect me  
 
But it has finally caught up with me
I defiantly try to resist the dark
though I can feel it's chilling touch
transforming me into a something less
 
I'm actually terrified  
I don't want to be locked away again
In a patronizing world of restraint
cast in shades of dull white
 
In this place time seems to slow down
lights are piercing rays into your skull
sound taking on a muffled quality  
senses warped into confusion  
 
I remember lying on my bed that first night
crying myself to sleep
thinking there had been some mistake
that nothing like this could have happened to me
 
Now it's all too familiar
My mind is screaming for me to flee
before my insanity catches up with me  
I would do anything to avoid going back there
 
Even if it means taking this gun
cold and unsympathetic in my quivering hand
placing it delicately to my temple
and blowing my fucking brains out

IN PSYCHIATRY

you can get so depressed
     you do not want to get dressed
           you stay in  bed, day and night
                 you are told to get a grip on yourself

i cannot grip myself - i have left...i have had enough
     the person lying in my bed is my oppressor
           why should i do anything about her
                 i have tried talking to her - but her brain won’t receive

the family is in confusion - what do we do with HER?????
     dragged from doctor to doctor, they examine her body and her mind
           maybe she should be hospitalized - would insurance pay?
                 suddenly she is in jail for a crime she did not commit

this is a high class jail - with a tempurpedic mattress and carpets on the floor
     only those with good insurance get treated this way - even the food is good
           the nurses are nice at first, just don’t get cocky, know you are a PATIENT
                 patience is something NURSES lack...burdened by paperwork and CYA

morning comes with 4 pills in a cup - you have to get up - no lying in bed, pretending sleeping
     they take vital signs, you must get your breakfast tray, you must participate in all they say
           morning starts with occupational therapy, keeping you active, relaxes the mind
                 later some group therapy, why are you here? where is your mind?

no rest for the wicked, the nurse that lectures us, tells us we are all here.....WHY? WHY? WHY?
     BECAUSE WE ALL DID SOMETHING WRONG!!!!  ....this is in the 21st century!!!!
           where are the asylums...they shut them all down...because drugs are the new way
                 take this med and you will be ok in a day, a week, a month, a YEAR?

they give you a label and then we know with whom to sit........bipolars with bipolars
     schizos with schizos, the totally bizarre sit by themselves and talk to imaginary people
           the group therapy sessions are long but entertaining, the teaching is monotonous
                 you would not be here if you had taken better care of your sorry mind

the pills make me dizzy, i want to sleep all the time, the nurse chews me out, no belief in me
      still depressed, they say i am doing fine! how can i be fine? the manics are having fun!!!!!
           talking non-stop, walking up and down while the depression just brings me down

i must be getting better or my insurance ran out....i will be discharged soon...hooray they shout!!!!!
     all my friends are nice mental patients...not violent, quite good company...we are a unity
           of stigmatized people who look and act normal, except for a few who don’t
                 nobody wants to harm anybody else, they have been harmed already


time to leave, my new found friends...the insurance company will not pay for any more
     they give me my scripts and i see the doctor this week to see how i am doing
           slowly, slowly, my depression lifts...adjusting drugs and doses
                 seeing the therapist who is supportive - BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN THERE AND COME BACK....!!!!

This is an older poem of mine but I feel it's perfect for this particular competition. I hope you enjoy it.

"Words of a Cynic"

im the sick masochist  
who carries the disease
of a bitchy feminist that
likes to watch you bleed
even my psychiatrist fuels
my twisted desired needs
always claiming im a pessimist  
in a form of dying greed

if that's the case come
clime inside my head
maybe then we can trace  
the source of all my dread
touch the face who watches
me drown down all my meds
and love the sweet embrace  
that lured me as i bled

you can view all of this by piercing  
through my charcoal stained eyes
its mostly bliss for me inside  
all my lovely woven lies
it provides a kiss for me as  
all my pretty roses die
and i never again miss all the  
precious secrets tainted darkness sighs

i tasted truth that will descend
beyond the blood of my stained blasphemy
no longer do i pretend im not  
truley wretched with intellectual integrity
theres no reason for me to amend  
because im naturaly a morbid queen  
with no need to defend my reasonable  
human instinct for selfish gluttony

i hate everything with laughter  
through my view inside the clinic
you would to after dreaming alluring  
laden fantasies amid the lips of a cynic

We the Person                                    (Little Wing)



Sometimes, not all the time, it's like quicksand, sucking me into an abyss, and the more I struggle the less I can break free.  
 
"In there... well we try our best not to go in there.it's dark and i swear in that space, there is no mark or trace of the lost one.  
 
we watched him go in when the storm raged outside.we called out his name but he never returned.
 
we think he was tortured, his body was quartered then dumped in the corner and ceremoniously burned.  
 
We do our best now to try stay afloat."
 
sometimes, not all the time, we run aground and it's then we don't dare to make a sound. in case we wake the dark one because he's the one who'll  be the death of us all.  
 
"We try. god knows we try to keep our feet on the ground  
because we tried to live in the sky, and though the times were good the cost was high.  
 
We've now found another mouth to feed."  
 
Sometimes, not all the time, the silence between tick and tock can last an eternity.

If I Snapped                   http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/images/uploads/poemimages/67610.jpg
If I begged you    
Would you stay with me?    
If I called you    
Would you come?    
If I said I’ll do anything    
Would you love me?    
If I die of this broken heart    
Would you even care?    
   
If I became your stalker    
Would you hate me?    
If I broke into your home    
and lay down in your bed    
To smell the scent of you    
Would you be afraid?    
If I left my spoiled panties    
From masturbating    
Would you be disgusted?    
   
If I used your tooth brush    
Drank from your milk bottle    
Would you know?    
If I stole your favorite shirt    
Would you miss it?    
If I wore it around town    
And you saw me    
Would you want it back?    
   
If I put my bra in her underwear drawer    
where she could find it    
Would you be able to explain?    
If I approached her, ready to fight for you    
and she had to get a restraining order    
Would you ask me to come back?    
If I ran her over in my car    
And had to go to jail for manslaughter    
Could you still love me?    
   
If you found me in bed beside you    
in the middle of the night    
With a knife at your throat about to strike    
Only to wake from your nightmare    
With a shout    
Would you then come back to me?

facing the cross


I, with an infection
in hospital
A gash on head
And a cut
upon eye after the fall
And I, go home
But the phone machine
is empty
The well wishes non

I, a 79 year old
inflection (mankind)
NAME: less
DOB: none given
Called you, yet
You didn't answer

Home
Cold apartment
Tea after
boil kettle,
Biscuit
Phone ring, wrong number

I, on the edge
of bed

Feet
in slippers
Facing the cross

I

The Suffering

The Suffering -  part 1
 
ring
bring
sing
ding
hing-e
cringe
binge
singe
tinge
whinge
 
why
fly
nigh
die
might
light
fight
night
right
 
ring
bring
sing
ding
 
 
The Suffering -  part 2
 
on a dark night
dark dark night
no light no white
no knight no fight
no light no light
dark night
might light fight night
 
on a dark night
dark dark night
the suffering
 
 
The Suffering - a play
  
stab stab
the alley stabs
stab stab
the knife stabs
stab stab
point glistens cuts
red drops one at a time
the suffering
 
The Suffering - part 4 
 
itch bitch
which itch
bitch bitch
itch bitch
itch bitch

itch
bitch
itch
the suffering 
 
the suffering-  part 5
 
phone call
ring ring
ring ring
no answer
no answer
phone call
ring ring
ring ring
 
The Suffering - final 

Home 
Man from behind 
Hand over mouth
Clasp over mouth
Gasp   
Last breath
Dying  
Dying 
Dreams of
Childhood
Sky
Sea
Solitude 
Voices before  
Dying  

Home 
Man from behind 
Hand over mouth
The Suffering  
 
 
The Suffering - Epilogue 

To those who have suffered
To those who have lost their
 loved ones
To those in illness 
And in pain
Look upwards 
Look upwards
 
Heal the suffering   

Solitude
Sky
Sea

I read a prayer by Martin Luther 

"I  put myself in your care, body and soul and all that I have.
Let Your holy Angels be with me, so that the evil enemy
will not gain power over me"

Amen

We are all dead 


We are all dead 
Walking ghosts gloating 
Pretending to be real 
Serving saving sailing 
Sailing across towns and cities 
Streets and avenues 
Into homes 
Praying for salvation 
From the suffering 
From the 
The....

The thing is laughing 
Self and suffering 
From the 
The....

Devils and servants 
Ghosts and ghouls 


Twisted
 knives in backs 
that drip
Drip
Drip

We are all dead 

The Desert (depression, camels, etc)

I am going to drown
in the desert.
My lungs won't work properly;
I am struggling to breathe.
Each choking breath makes my eyes run.

I am alone
with sand and far-away camels.
The camels won't talk to me
because camels don't talk,
and even if they could talk they wouldn't understand
that I am drowning in this dry, sandy place.

As far as the mind can see there is nobody
I think maybe I hope for too much
but I am in the pitiless desert
where everyone is striving to survive.
Anyway, who would expect to see a drowning man
struggling to breathe
and wasting water from his eyes
in the desert?

This write is an expression of one of the most intense moments I have felt, and my sanity felt as though it was fading fast-hope it's appropriate for what you are looking for here...I will attempt a second entry at a later time as well.

Desperation overload..until

Random thoughts spinning
consuming then combusting
into downward spirals of despair

Hope within reach, yet
anonymously devoured by possibility
This wait eats away at my core
Desperation creating fantastical
wishes-fanatical dreams entombed in
What if...what then...

Your voice, an attempt to calm
yet torrents of emotion surfacing
in intonation, near hesitant

Your eyes, too intense
hazily drowning like barricades
near rupture...
Blocking the storm by dimming the light
We sit aware of the possibility of overload
For once, words seem so insignificant

Reaching towards solace and safety
My hand finds yours and we hold on
The walls shrink and your grip holds steady
In this moment-there simply is nothing else

Fixed gazes on a screen that reveals all
no longer breathing, simply pleading with fate
to be kind...

Then movement, a vision
a heartbeat, a beginning
This life we created -
does live

Relief washes over us
rehydrating forevers
reminding that purpose
still reigns
Love delivers

Written by mikimoondancer    
Published 20th September 2012 5:13pm  

“How Can I Help You?”

She’s sitting there
All nerves exposed
Among the rivulets of blood
That panic beneath the skin
With an automaton brain
That’s set to anxiety mode
Sparking, to set jet black hair
Alight with a paranoid imagination
And, “How can I help you?”
“How can I help you?”
“How can I help you?”
An automated recording
With message received
She’ll get back to you
… ASAP

Piggy-tail phone cord
Wrapped around her neck
Cracked keys typing
The same message
Over and over
“How can I help you?
“How can I help you?
“How can I help you?
Cracked nails bleeding
Screeching down a blackboard
Trigger signals shutting down
The room and corridors
That used to hold
The precious “her”
Before the loving conditioning
And clockwork answer-phone
They installed in her head
Imbedded with…
“How can I help you?”
With Hall-Mark Card answers
So she’ll never disappoint

And it’s all…
“How can I help you?”
“How can I help you?”
“How can I help you?”
Exploding and imploding
Chemical fireworks lighting
The serotonin on fire
And she’s trying to say
“Someone help me!”…
While her mouth’s still forming
“How can I help you?”
On repeat
With the blinds drawn
And lights off.
She’ll get back you
… ASAP

When I'm Alone

When I'm alone
I sit and visualize a perilous past
Just a finger-breadth away from going mad
A constant recollection
Does it trouble me?
The audience guessed it
I think dishonesty is pretty pathetic
It's not always this dark
Push my mind aside and think from the heart
While I embark on a mission through the park
Wait until night
When everything became a shade out of sight
Where my accomplice is the limpid star light
Look towards the far right
There's a person dressed exactly as me
The shady hue makes it really hard to see
Get wind of white noise
I had to fight for a peace of mind
I find myself finding fault from time to time
Needless to say
I'm fairly paranoid when she's away
I'm not afraid
But I've seen too many games
And she's the same way
There's a storm cloud over my head
I could try to change it
I'll ignore it instead