Be Very Afraid

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This is about body dismorphic disorder that brought about agoraphobia.


Broken Eyes



Broken eyes distorted view
paled blame
Disavow truth over thought
play the game





Depleting inside stealing beauty
in broken eyes
Crushing from the vision
that replaces with lies





And I succumb as tears bleed
upon a reflection
Behind eyes that hold onto
every imperfection





Come undone once again
to paled blame
It is all in broken eyes
of a thought that plays a game

Written for the same reasons as my other entry, the camera clicking prat is my ex.


Hated Mirror


I hated the damn mirror today
wanted to just fade away
The reflection looking back at me
I did not want to ever see




Why does it grab at my soul
pulling me through it's fathomless hole
of such a depleting time
that crosses every damaging line




I loathe the way you taunted me
You twisted fucking liability
You camera clicking stupid prat
Picked fault after fault and left me flat




I hated that damn mirror today
Why did I look instead of walk away
It nearly stopped me in my tracks
As it chained me to it's mental racks




I dug deep and found the key
To release those chains and set me free
It will not always be this way
How I hated the damn mirror today.

I like how you actually told me what the phobia is..thank you

悪魔の代弁者 akuma no daibensha

"beware beware of guest brought here
And on the brink of hell may appear."
Of immoral men, who far excel
All th' inhabitants of hell.
let 'em in let 'em in
for the smell of burning skin.
here they will weep, a sorrow-some groan,
bodies decay and turn to stone.
sacrifices thee by soul,blood and lust.
randomness chant switch and adjust.
riches and happiness they deserve so well,
but they shall feel the hottest flames of hell.
eternal darkness of land that bring.
D.L.N the demons will sing.
"beware beware of guest brought here
And on the brink of hell may appear."

-Kuimiko Yamamoto
means- devils advocate

Mephistopheles

twist the truth of every side
look inside the  eagles eye..
befalls our character untreated guilty
changing them mind and whats not silky...
There is no hope apone whats been told
unfavored mouth of weeping cold..
people of the denial and awaited soul
Twisting truth and stabilized  role....
given up trying to understand how
Mephistopheles control what you have know...


      -Kumiko Yamamoto

AGORAPHOBIA

Agoraphobia has been a part of my life

No explanation, just another phobia

From a list of phobias a mile long

First I was afraid of everything

The entire hostile world

Had persecuted my parents

Taught not to trust

Then it started to break down

Into categorical fears

School phobia

My teacher was verbally abusive

In those days, parents had no clout


Next came a fear of travelling

Vacations had no allure for me

Worse, followed by panic attacks

Out of the blue

I thought I was crazy

My mother thought I was hysterical

Nice little girls do not behave like this

Explaining this to a doctor was impossible

Told me I had nothing to fear

Had my IQ examined, it was quite high

So I was clear, overactive imagination

No compassion from anybody


For one year I trembled all night long

Wanted to kill myself, emotions so strong

Finally found a doctor who helped a bit

Lots and lots of vitamins seemed to do the trick

The fears came and went

No explanation except

Living with my parents was pure heck

Their very survival while the innocents died

Made them live in mourning

No roller coaster rides

No fun at all, never permitted

“Life is all about suffering”

My father admitted


By eighteen I had a hard time

Just getting on a bus was difficult

Only reason for pushing myself

Was to get out of the house

Vacations with my parents

Were hell, and one day

I just left…but the panic

Was with me the whole way home


One doctor gave me Librium

It did not do anything

I was still curled up in a fetal ball

Waiting for all hell to break loose

I have now had phobias all my life

I have found anything can trigger it

As I am always stressed out


Why you make ask

Well, you see, I have persistent anxiety

There is nothing I have not worried about

It is obsessive compulsive worrying circles

Tried diet, exercise, meditation

Refractory to all

Finally I found everything was stressful

Have to stay away from it all

So here I am, an agoraphobic hermit

Who was saved for a while by Paxil and Effexor

Then they pooped out and my turtle head

Had to go back into its comfortable shelter.

somelikeithot said:AGORAPHOBIA

Agoraphobia has been a part of my life

No explanation, just another phobia

From a list of phobias a mile long

First I was afraid of everything

The entire hostile world

Had persecuted my parents

Taught not to trust

Then it started to break down

Into categorical fears

School phobia

My teacher was verbally abusive

In those days, parents had no clout


Next came a fear of travelling

Vacations had no allure for me

Worse, followed by panic attacks

Out of the blue

I thought I was crazy

My mother thought I was hysterical

Nice little girls do not behave like this

Explaining this to a doctor was impossible

Told me I had nothing to fear

Had my IQ examined, it was quite high

So I was clear, overactive imagination

No compassion from anybody


For one year I trembled all night long

Wanted to kill myself, emotions so strong

Finally found a doctor who helped a bit

Lots and lots of vitamins seemed to do the trick

The fears came and went

No explanation except

Living with my parents was pure heck

Their very survival while the innocents died

Made them live in mourning

No roller coaster rides

No fun at all, never permitted

“Life is all about suffering”

My father admitted


By eighteen I had a hard time

Just getting on a bus was difficult

Only reason for pushing myself

Was to get out of the house

Vacations with my parents

Were hell, and one day

I just left…but the panic

Was with me the whole way home


One doctor gave me Librium

It did not do anything

I was still curled up in a fetal ball

Waiting for all hell to break loose

I have now had phobias all my life

I have found anything can trigger it

As I am always stressed out


Why you make ask

Well, you see, I have persistent anxiety

There is nothing I have not worried about

It is obsessive compulsive worrying circles

Tried diet, exercise, meditation

Refractory to all

Finally I found everything was stressful

Have to stay away from it all

So here I am, an agoraphobic hermit

Who was saved for a while by Paxil and Effexor

Then they pooped out and my turtle head

Had to go back into its comfortable shelter.




i love how you incorperate your life...good job

Agoraphobia


from inside
I feel

these walls I recognize
not like a prisoner
but an embryo instead
floating in the womb

from inside
I see

every landscape memorized
through my windows
each changing minute
of seasons transforming

from inside
I smell

newborn flowers
a barbeque's fog
leaves ripped away
a silken white blanket

from inside
I hear

a baby birds song
children laughing
scarlet sheets falling
frigid silence

from inside
I taste

stale air
isolating passion
uncrossable moonlight
beyond the bolted doors

Love

The word itself causes me to hyperventilate

Fall to my knees, shake and cry uncontrollably

As my mind begins to flicker through every risk   

The amount of anxiety formed from caring for another

Worrying if you’re good enough or if they will find another

Little fights escalate; bringing tears to each others face

Cheating, Leaving, Lying, Dying, Kids, Money, Divorce

Does anyone think before they mutter the damn word?

Love is a trap, bloodbath for pain and misery

I want it to have nothing to do with me

Best to push people away before they think of caring

What in the world could be more daring?

Giving your heart, dedicating you life

For heartbreak, and alcoholic tendencies

So that the fifty percent of society marketed on love

Can be nothing but a constant reminder of what you lost

I fear love; I fear emotional attachment to another

And so should everyone, save yourself… make it your phobia

Congrats Alex and well done somelikeithot.