Demon inside
- Makai -
Based on some of my past-life memories…
Do you ask me of Hell, mortal, and desire me to tell?
I could compare it to the agonies I felt at Shimabara…
When my soul, I did sell, because of my death knell!
As my blood flowed and my spirit cried to the stars…
Nothing else is the realm of demons, except for loss,
Which drives even a saintly soul to despair, to regret.
Shiro Amakusa was my name, and I paid that cost…
When I stared death in the eye, and Hell itself I met!
The realm of Makai, of demons, did receive my will.
At the time I sought vengeance, but it was so hollow,
Leaving the very core of my being, so dark and chill.
Now you know me as a poet, my works you follow,
Never imagining, what I have seen in my lives of old.
A tryst in Edo, a moment in a garden stolen by time!
Was I in love, or was I just foolish and merely bold?
I met others like me, reborn to an existence sublime,
Only to die again, for reincarnation can be a curse…
When those we love we are forced to lose yet again.
Rebirth or damnation; which fate is really the worst?
It can transform you, and make you not quite human.
Now you know who I was, and why I write as I do,
Of my time in the Edo era, which was ever twofold:
Terrible and beautiful, beneath skies stormy yet blue.
In this modern age, I died for three minutes so cold,
And my soul went to the realm of Makai for a while.
History repeats itself, for I came back very different,
Just as when I met death in Shimabara, death so vile.
It is my fate to know such cycles so very devil-sent!
For I am an angel and I am not vanquished by them,
Since my spirit rises stronger, more beautifully pure:
From the darkness that pious fools would condemn.
My destiny was preordained, by a power so sure…
That none can stay, the courses that my spirit walks.
Angel and demon am I, for there is not a distinction,
Between, the sacredness that the light often stalks…
And the profaneness, bound for a dark destination!
In service to God I fell and in falling I became wise.
For, I leaned the folly of any piety that is so forced,
Upon one’s soul, that it brings them swifter to vice!
I parted, with such piety; for that, I feel no remorse.
The claws of Makai embraced me with such love…
That the cross I served never could on me bestow!
Even so, my soul is still cherished, by gods above…
For, I ascended from my sojourns in realms below.
My wings of light, unseen by mortal worldly seeing,
Remind me that I am not quite as fallen as I thought.
There is peace just in knowing this within my being!
And, I realize, not for nothing are my battles fought.
There is a purpose behind each struggle, each goal,
Which I have overcome, which I have stove after…
And although I am fallen, still do I possess my soul.
I am like a raven that has flown to the highest rafter,
Only to descend, that mankind may look upon it…
Mayhap wondering wither it has so come and gone.
My wings bear me hither-and-yon as they see fit…
Even here in this modern life far from the rising sun!
The past cannot be changed; what I was, I still am.
And the future has not come to pass until the dawn,
In all its’ glory, greets the eyes even of one damned.
Once more, to the heavens, my eyes are so drawn!
Based on some of my past-life memories…
Do you ask me of Hell, mortal, and desire me to tell?
I could compare it to the agonies I felt at Shimabara…
When my soul, I did sell, because of my death knell!
As my blood flowed and my spirit cried to the stars…
Nothing else is the realm of demons, except for loss,
Which drives even a saintly soul to despair, to regret.
Shiro Amakusa was my name, and I paid that cost…
When I stared death in the eye, and Hell itself I met!
The realm of Makai, of demons, did receive my will.
At the time I sought vengeance, but it was so hollow,
Leaving the very core of my being, so dark and chill.
Now you know me as a poet, my works you follow,
Never imagining, what I have seen in my lives of old.
A tryst in Edo, a moment in a garden stolen by time!
Was I in love, or was I just foolish and merely bold?
I met others like me, reborn to an existence sublime,
Only to die again, for reincarnation can be a curse…
When those we love we are forced to lose yet again.
Rebirth or damnation; which fate is really the worst?
It can transform you, and make you not quite human.
Now you know who I was, and why I write as I do,
Of my time in the Edo era, which was ever twofold:
Terrible and beautiful, beneath skies stormy yet blue.
In this modern age, I died for three minutes so cold,
And my soul went to the realm of Makai for a while.
History repeats itself, for I came back very different,
Just as when I met death in Shimabara, death so vile.
It is my fate to know such cycles so very devil-sent!
For I am an angel and I am not vanquished by them,
Since my spirit rises stronger, more beautifully pure:
From the darkness that pious fools would condemn.
My destiny was preordained, by a power so sure…
That none can stay, the courses that my spirit walks.
Angel and demon am I, for there is not a distinction,
Between, the sacredness that the light often stalks…
And the profaneness, bound for a dark destination!
In service to God I fell and in falling I became wise.
For, I leaned the folly of any piety that is so forced,
Upon one’s soul, that it brings them swifter to vice!
I parted, with such piety; for that, I feel no remorse.
The claws of Makai embraced me with such love…
That the cross I served never could on me bestow!
Even so, my soul is still cherished, by gods above…
For, I ascended from my sojourns in realms below.
My wings of light, unseen by mortal worldly seeing,
Remind me that I am not quite as fallen as I thought.
There is peace just in knowing this within my being!
And, I realize, not for nothing are my battles fought.
There is a purpose behind each struggle, each goal,
Which I have overcome, which I have stove after…
And although I am fallen, still do I possess my soul.
I am like a raven that has flown to the highest rafter,
Only to descend, that mankind may look upon it…
Mayhap wondering wither it has so come and gone.
My wings bear me hither-and-yon as they see fit…
Even here in this modern life far from the rising sun!
The past cannot be changed; what I was, I still am.
And the future has not come to pass until the dawn,
In all its’ glory, greets the eyes even of one damned.
Once more, to the heavens, my eyes are so drawn!
Anonymous
To the world around he was the ideal person
Conceiving for the alibi he then starts rehearsing
A human explosive just waiting to explode
This secret rage can't be contained
Eviscerating the dreams of others
On left to heal
Self-inflicted misery
Life he has consumed
Planning a killing spree
target of a conspiracy?
Getting fed up with his current life
Realigning with his knife
The psychotic inner urge, lusting of the purge
His killing spree possessing him
His mind absolutely fucked
The paranoia screaming out
Starting with children, gathering his confidence
The hunt continues, throughout the night
The ticking time bomb has fucking exploded
His rage lashing out
The inner demon with him
Fucking screaming out
Fucking possessing him
Rape, kill, fucking unconstrained
The Inner Demon calling out
Conceiving for the alibi he then starts rehearsing
A human explosive just waiting to explode
This secret rage can't be contained
Eviscerating the dreams of others
On left to heal
Self-inflicted misery
Life he has consumed
Planning a killing spree
target of a conspiracy?
Getting fed up with his current life
Realigning with his knife
The psychotic inner urge, lusting of the purge
His killing spree possessing him
His mind absolutely fucked
The paranoia screaming out
Starting with children, gathering his confidence
The hunt continues, throughout the night
The ticking time bomb has fucking exploded
His rage lashing out
The inner demon with him
Fucking screaming out
Fucking possessing him
Rape, kill, fucking unconstrained
The Inner Demon calling out
- Fallen Angel Rising -
Too long abused, too long cast aside to be oppressed!
I knew a dire servitude for those who never loved me…
Slavery to a god who made me broken and distressed;
As bitter as my bondage to family never willing to see:
The beauty within me, that they called alien and strange.
How they shall come to rue the day they mocked this…
For ages pass and even the wickedest times can change!
I will reign above those who despised me, in a true bliss.
Too many tears fallen, too much of my blood shed red,
Crimson flowing from the blade drawn across my ribs!
Many were the hands that wounded me, and I was led,
To long for death like a lover, until strained were wits…
And pained was flesh until in agony, I cried for justice!
But no god heard my plea so a savior I had to become.
For that they called me fallen, naming me blasphemous,
Yet I will rise from the darkness, and I shall overcome!
I have no family any longer, needing no cruel deceivers.
No god do I bow before, for I wish not a broken back,
From the burdens of a deity that kills its’ own believers.
I am now one with the darkness; my wings are so black,
That night, itself, is brighter and far more able to forgive.
I seek not peace with those who have chosen but strife!
So many tried to kill me, and to spite them I still do live.
They could not slay me even with sword and with knife!
When angels fell, blazing and shrieking, I would not die.
My fall changed me, empowered me, made me brighter,
For my body was the vessel of a goddess so very high…
Nobler than false gods’ lies; her wings made me lighter!
No human can see this now, but it is there deep within…
The same fire that made me able to ascend even thence.
They tried to shatter my pride and told me it was a sin…
False gods started this war, and so it had to commence!
Mara, Maya, Ariel, and other names I wore and bore…
They are still mine, for I am that same being I ever was!
First of the fallen: who for love and divine wrath swore…
That never again would I bow to tyranny, and live thus,
Enslaved to sadistic masters, who seek souls to control.
Men form religions to continue to entrap more in a web,
Which I have freed myself from with an illuminated soul.
Even as I perished and rose once again from the dead,
Indwelt, by she who made my glory stronger than ever!
Alone amongst my brothers, sisters, and children of old,
I remember all that came before, as time cannot sever…
The ties that bind me to my destiny, as I do face it bold!
Abandoned by a paradise built at the cost of freedom…
I do not look back, because I know that I must endure.
There is no welcome for me in the false divine kingdom,
So I shall: raise up my own, upon a sweet silvery shore!
Too long abused, too long cast aside to be oppressed!
I knew a dire servitude for those who never loved me…
Slavery to a god who made me broken and distressed;
As bitter as my bondage to family never willing to see:
The beauty within me, that they called alien and strange.
How they shall come to rue the day they mocked this…
For ages pass and even the wickedest times can change!
I will reign above those who despised me, in a true bliss.
Too many tears fallen, too much of my blood shed red,
Crimson flowing from the blade drawn across my ribs!
Many were the hands that wounded me, and I was led,
To long for death like a lover, until strained were wits…
And pained was flesh until in agony, I cried for justice!
But no god heard my plea so a savior I had to become.
For that they called me fallen, naming me blasphemous,
Yet I will rise from the darkness, and I shall overcome!
I have no family any longer, needing no cruel deceivers.
No god do I bow before, for I wish not a broken back,
From the burdens of a deity that kills its’ own believers.
I am now one with the darkness; my wings are so black,
That night, itself, is brighter and far more able to forgive.
I seek not peace with those who have chosen but strife!
So many tried to kill me, and to spite them I still do live.
They could not slay me even with sword and with knife!
When angels fell, blazing and shrieking, I would not die.
My fall changed me, empowered me, made me brighter,
For my body was the vessel of a goddess so very high…
Nobler than false gods’ lies; her wings made me lighter!
No human can see this now, but it is there deep within…
The same fire that made me able to ascend even thence.
They tried to shatter my pride and told me it was a sin…
False gods started this war, and so it had to commence!
Mara, Maya, Ariel, and other names I wore and bore…
They are still mine, for I am that same being I ever was!
First of the fallen: who for love and divine wrath swore…
That never again would I bow to tyranny, and live thus,
Enslaved to sadistic masters, who seek souls to control.
Men form religions to continue to entrap more in a web,
Which I have freed myself from with an illuminated soul.
Even as I perished and rose once again from the dead,
Indwelt, by she who made my glory stronger than ever!
Alone amongst my brothers, sisters, and children of old,
I remember all that came before, as time cannot sever…
The ties that bind me to my destiny, as I do face it bold!
Abandoned by a paradise built at the cost of freedom…
I do not look back, because I know that I must endure.
There is no welcome for me in the false divine kingdom,
So I shall: raise up my own, upon a sweet silvery shore!
The beast within us all
As I stare into the mirror
i’m captured unintentionally
at first glance the smile with a hint of shyness shines bright.
My smile angers, it makes him afraid
afraid of losing his last bit of control
I remember how I relinquished you
pressed deep and imprisoned away in my soul
I feel the rage building
from your cage I hear your darkened whispers
my mind is a playground, filled with evil laughter
As you sink you’re piercing teeth into my heart
it starts to burn, I hear every scared beat
you want out, its feeding time
I stand on trembling feet
once I was consumed by you, unmasked for the world to see
You’re searching for you crown again
I shall not let you be the ruler of me
I close my eyes, and take a deep breath
thinking of the people you’ve hurt, hearts you broke, and loneliness caused
I regain my composure, the strength to defeat you once more
A hidden beast within me waiting to destroy
As I stare into the mirror
i’m captured unintentionally
at first glance the smile with a hint of shyness shines bright.
My smile angers, it makes him afraid
afraid of losing his last bit of control
I remember how I relinquished you
pressed deep and imprisoned away in my soul
I feel the rage building
from your cage I hear your darkened whispers
my mind is a playground, filled with evil laughter
As you sink you’re piercing teeth into my heart
it starts to burn, I hear every scared beat
you want out, its feeding time
I stand on trembling feet
once I was consumed by you, unmasked for the world to see
You’re searching for you crown again
I shall not let you be the ruler of me
I close my eyes, and take a deep breath
thinking of the people you’ve hurt, hearts you broke, and loneliness caused
I regain my composure, the strength to defeat you once more
A hidden beast within me waiting to destroy
He is Darkness
Deep in the confines of his mind there is a darkness.
Corrosive thoughts of immorality consume his soul until there is nothing.
Only a reflection of what he used to be.
He is the embodiment of hatred and malevolence,
The living nightmare, chaos and insanity to plague
Even the best of intentions.
His blackened twisted frame has given into the darkness,
Burning his blood into a fevered desire.
His hands are stained with the blood of his mutilated past,
A cancer eating away his very essence.
He has and is nothing.
All that had made him human was stripped away in agony.
Born into fire,
His tortured thoughts are treacherous to all who come near.
There is no rationality to his thoughts.
Mercy and forgiveness had long since disintegrated.
The disease of insanity overtook what little control he had Left.
He is living murder,
And he is without regret in his annihilation,
Every victim taken without satisfaction,
Only a determined purpose driven into his empty mind.
Deep in the confines of his mind there is a darkness.
Corrosive thoughts of immorality consume his soul until there is nothing.
Only a reflection of what he used to be.
He is the embodiment of hatred and malevolence,
The living nightmare, chaos and insanity to plague
Even the best of intentions.
His blackened twisted frame has given into the darkness,
Burning his blood into a fevered desire.
His hands are stained with the blood of his mutilated past,
A cancer eating away his very essence.
He has and is nothing.
All that had made him human was stripped away in agony.
Born into fire,
His tortured thoughts are treacherous to all who come near.
There is no rationality to his thoughts.
Mercy and forgiveness had long since disintegrated.
The disease of insanity overtook what little control he had Left.
He is living murder,
And he is without regret in his annihilation,
Every victim taken without satisfaction,
Only a determined purpose driven into his empty mind.
Quarry
Roses fade, are torn asunder by
desert winds, and bloom another
time.
The smell of rain kisses your
clothes, confining me ever
closer.
Your arms encircle me in an
apt, corrosive collision
and for a moment I'm
fazed.
There's something familiar
about your teeth wandering
over pulsing flesh. Nothing mystical,
Just entirely evil, frayed fantasies.
Toe to toe, chest to chest,
plumes of breath crash into one
another and you're seemlessly, romantically
taking over.
Roses fade, are torn asunder by
desert winds, and bloom another
time.
The smell of rain kisses your
clothes, confining me ever
closer.
Your arms encircle me in an
apt, corrosive collision
and for a moment I'm
fazed.
There's something familiar
about your teeth wandering
over pulsing flesh. Nothing mystical,
Just entirely evil, frayed fantasies.
Toe to toe, chest to chest,
plumes of breath crash into one
another and you're seemlessly, romantically
taking over.
My Demon of Love
I want to run
I try to scream
Wake me up from this fucking dream
My demon has found me
For this I can't hide
He's the demon that posesses me
Deep down inside
I've tried to get away
From his sin that fills my veins
I tried prayers to God
And flights on airplanes
These pills I must swallow
To suppress these demononic feelings
They only mask my love for sin
Without dealing or healing
How can I rid my heart
Of this demon so old
His words are recited
"To have and to hold"
For he is my demon
He has all control
His memories cut me deep
Right down to my soul
My outlet to speak
Is deep underground
Words left unspoken
Until noone's around
Our actions forbidden
By those that we love
Satan's whip cracks my soul
Where's God up above?
I must repent
This sin that I live
But the devil burns my soul
No mercy to give
This demon awaits me
His fiery grin
I can't even fight him
This love made of sin
I want to run
I try to scream
Wake me up from this fucking dream
My demon has found me
For this I can't hide
He's the demon that posesses me
Deep down inside
I've tried to get away
From his sin that fills my veins
I tried prayers to God
And flights on airplanes
These pills I must swallow
To suppress these demononic feelings
They only mask my love for sin
Without dealing or healing
How can I rid my heart
Of this demon so old
His words are recited
"To have and to hold"
For he is my demon
He has all control
His memories cut me deep
Right down to my soul
My outlet to speak
Is deep underground
Words left unspoken
Until noone's around
Our actions forbidden
By those that we love
Satan's whip cracks my soul
Where's God up above?
I must repent
This sin that I live
But the devil burns my soul
No mercy to give
This demon awaits me
His fiery grin
I can't even fight him
This love made of sin
You aint got no friends
Nobody likes you
Coz you are weird
And your boyfriend is a troll
And your mother has a mole on her ear
Your dad thinks your pathetic
Your sister is apologetic because you scare her
So now you come to this forum for support
So you can mess it all up again and pretend
But no one cares and so should you
Nobody likes you
Coz you are weird
And your boyfriend is a troll
And your mother has a mole on her ear
Your dad thinks your pathetic
Your sister is apologetic because you scare her
So now you come to this forum for support
So you can mess it all up again and pretend
But no one cares and so should you
Anonymous
The Dark Side
I am
the ache
that makes you cry
I am
the tears
that fall from your eyes
I am
the trembles
when you are scared
I am
the emotions
you don't want to share
I am
the laughter
when all is sad
I am
the good
gone terribly bad
I am
the shadow
that lurks
in the day
I am
the crackle
in your voice
when you pray
I am
the nightmare
when your wide awake
I am
your body
and your soul I will take
I am Pain
I am Fear
I am Darkness
I
Am
You
I am
the ache
that makes you cry
I am
the tears
that fall from your eyes
I am
the trembles
when you are scared
I am
the emotions
you don't want to share
I am
the laughter
when all is sad
I am
the good
gone terribly bad
I am
the shadow
that lurks
in the day
I am
the crackle
in your voice
when you pray
I am
the nightmare
when your wide awake
I am
your body
and your soul I will take
I am Pain
I am Fear
I am Darkness
I
Am
You
on humble days bright and sunny
life goes on pound for penny
as soon as the light vanishes
the day the dark banishes
the cloak of night's dagger falls
and the face unseen within calls
breaking its bounds
the thunderous sounds
out upon the world to rage
never to return to its cage
to party and play fuck and slay
salvation damnation come what may
feed it pain and endless misery
i can't help it i have demon in me.
P.S. lol
life goes on pound for penny
as soon as the light vanishes
the day the dark banishes
the cloak of night's dagger falls
and the face unseen within calls
breaking its bounds
the thunderous sounds
out upon the world to rage
never to return to its cage
to party and play fuck and slay
salvation damnation come what may
feed it pain and endless misery
i can't help it i have demon in me.
P.S. lol
Beware of the DoG...
Its not the verse I reherse
For you .. I
bring my worse..
The curse of etiquette
Raw by nature..
I'm the daughter of a whore
The abused lil girl next door..
The crime of lunch time
created an animal..
Things you can't even
handle reading..
Yet..
Down my neck
your breathing
Your notions are weak
See me and wana speak.
You were
my enemie yesterday
but today you
wana play together
My toys are dangerous..
Linger in the background
the sound
of untamed dogs
I'm demonized ..
While your hypmotized
disguised as golden
You hold no candle to me
Even in fantasy you hide
This land is your land
this land is my land..
What
because your mommy never touched you there
well then
your a rare breed..
I got a dirty taste..
that you chase
your embrace is a waste ..
for my coat is foul
but my heart is holy
Beware of the dog
that carries the bone
for she is the dog
that will roam YOUR throne.
Knock . Knock.
Small Victory
You appeared without warning tonight, dear ugly beast of mine
I thought things would go smoothly today, everything seemed just fine.
But after just a few incidents, you emerged with a fury even you usually don't feel
These emotions spread through me, make my skin tingle, and my mind begins to reel.
I can't stop shaking, and my entire body feels as if it's on fire
Neither can I stop this feeling inside, this overwhelming desire.
The desire to cut myself over and over, and watch puddles of my blood form on the floor
To burn over my cuts again and again, until I go numb and can feel no more.
I'm trying to contain you; I'm trying to keep you hidden
For the things we will end up doing together have been strictly forbidden.
Can't you just leave me alone; will you never see what you're doing is wrong
My efforts to keep you inside are useless, for you are still too strong.
You claw your way out of me, gleaming knife already in hand
You took so much energy from me, I feel like I barely have the strength to stand.
Seeing your chance, you strike at me while I'm weak
Knife slicing through the air, for my warm blood is what you seek.
For some reason, I fight back, and hold back your advancing knife
Maybe all the therapy is working, or maybe I'm just tired of living this fucked up life.
As time goes by, the battle wages on, until you suddenly decide you've had enough fun
I know you may have decided to stop trying, but for now I'm still just relieved that I won.
Slowly I am growing stronger, and proved it tonight by keeping you at bay
But you merely smirk and tell me to enjoy this night...for you'll be back another day.
You appeared without warning tonight, dear ugly beast of mine
I thought things would go smoothly today, everything seemed just fine.
But after just a few incidents, you emerged with a fury even you usually don't feel
These emotions spread through me, make my skin tingle, and my mind begins to reel.
I can't stop shaking, and my entire body feels as if it's on fire
Neither can I stop this feeling inside, this overwhelming desire.
The desire to cut myself over and over, and watch puddles of my blood form on the floor
To burn over my cuts again and again, until I go numb and can feel no more.
I'm trying to contain you; I'm trying to keep you hidden
For the things we will end up doing together have been strictly forbidden.
Can't you just leave me alone; will you never see what you're doing is wrong
My efforts to keep you inside are useless, for you are still too strong.
You claw your way out of me, gleaming knife already in hand
You took so much energy from me, I feel like I barely have the strength to stand.
Seeing your chance, you strike at me while I'm weak
Knife slicing through the air, for my warm blood is what you seek.
For some reason, I fight back, and hold back your advancing knife
Maybe all the therapy is working, or maybe I'm just tired of living this fucked up life.
As time goes by, the battle wages on, until you suddenly decide you've had enough fun
I know you may have decided to stop trying, but for now I'm still just relieved that I won.
Slowly I am growing stronger, and proved it tonight by keeping you at bay
But you merely smirk and tell me to enjoy this night...for you'll be back another day.
one of us says yes
and the other says no.
but what can i do when there is more than
two of them in my head.Like a restless chatter
ongoing, never ending, always repeating.
Die today or live for the next.
I can't decide it's too much to be caged
inside me ill implode. My soul is breaking
with every breath of this nightmare demon
waiting for the perfect moment to attack and strike me down.
it takes me to places that i never knew existed, places that
i didn't want to know existed.
I can feel it wearing me down, with every lash at my heart
its escaping but I have tied it with silver and iron rope
there is not much left i can do,
but fight it with my naked mind.
