Loss

I don't give a fuck about any trophey's or recognition I wrote this to ease the returning trauma of the loss of someone very dear to me.

I wrote this for my Uncle Daniel who I lost in a car crash atage 8..
 
Massacred blood on a orange horizon  
Roadkill shows like cherubs in my floodlights  
Another highway, another state Cigarette burns me  
I wake with a start '18 wheels are rolling, rolling over my heart'  
Smokeys in my rear view mirror  
Nowhere to go except forward Kessler warmed abdomen
 
Oh.. feeling so numb.. straight to my core, into my bone marrow
Stillness has swept over me.. 18 wheels are rolling..  
over my heart CAT steel toe heavy on the pedal  
Tire iron in my hand Blood clotted scarred emotion Hand axe redecoration  
Regurgitated cattle cranium Asleep in bile, nutured by mother  
Face down while babies lay still,  
Never make a sound demolished rig
 
The 18 wheeler charges at me, my shitty little holden
I swerve in panic, but i'm drunk as fuck.
God damn, connection, head on, the 18 wheeler hurdles over me
Fucking crushed.. my alcohol is shattered
The first wheels surrond me, and crush me into oblivion
Fuck.. why so slow? it fucking hurts..
 
My bottles of Jack Daniels and Southern Comfort.. thrown around
Feeling oh so numb.. blood I feel surging up through me
Flattened.. shattered.. the 18 wheels have rolled over my heart
Lacerations cover me.. wounds spluttering their wept blood
Stained to the core, in blood and loose oils
I cannot breathe, I see only blackness, staring into the abyss
 
This death, of monster size of mankind creations.. 18 wheels..
18 wheels.. 18 wheels.. I count as they singly crush me.
I fade away.. into the darkness of the abyss..  
My life struggles surge over me, for only a moment, but all at once
And now.. I lay here.. I fucking cease to be...
I'm covered to my core, stained in loose oils, alcohol and blood

P.S - I'm writing from his point of view, and perspective.

Lost In A Photo

As I laughed and stared at your photograph
I suddenly felt a draft
Sending chills up my spine
Just remembering the good times
Waking up to you and all your glory
Telling me go back to sleep while you cook breakfast for me
Scrambled eggs, toast, and a side of bacon
Energized for some early love making
Then we'd jump in the shower to wash off the sex
The saliva, perspiration, and passion
Left behind by you my ex
Still I could even remember the splashing
Of the water as it hits our skin so delicate
Tepid, temperate
Bathing each other gently
A sensation now empty
Like the other side of the bed
Someone else can occupy it but I want you instead
Playing video games and watching tv
It felt so real our love in 3D
We cuddle up and kiss
In ecstasy and bliss
Those the things I miss
Without you they don't exist
Like we never talked about our dreams and goals
Or what the future holds
For the both of us
So much we needed to further discuss
Like why did you leave me with this gigantic void?
I start to get annoyed
With your polaroid
Only because you left it on purpose
As some sick joke to make old feelings resurface

Seal My Soul
Decaying and dead inside
my heart is a tomb

All that remains
are broken memories
of what it used to be

All I wanted of you
was to hold me together

All you did was
seal my soul in linen wrap

Its funny how you said
we would feel
eternal happiness

But now
you dont feel happy
you dont feel the dirt
or the maggots that crawl inside your heart

You dont feel
cause you died

Never Said-Never Heard

Lifeless stare, here I am, once again, looking in your eyes,
I'm always back, to see your beauty, feelings giving rise,
How can this be? How did this happen? When, how and why?
Did you escape my grasp, part from me, a past that makes me cry,
Once my love, once my drug, once the thing that helped me breathe,
Now your lost, gone from my world, I don't understand how this can be,
All that's left, all I have, is captured moments in a time gone by,
Wretched photos, blissful dreams, scattered memories that won't die.
My very first, the very beginning, the very end, you were my very last,
You made me who I am, changed my very future, pulled me from my past,
Yet here I am again, stuck in a moment, longing for what has passed,
To feel your touch, kiss your lips, this the only wish I have asked,
To hear your laugh, touch your skin, feel your gaze upon my soul,
This is all I need, This is all I want, to once again feel whole,
But I broke your shell, and you broke my wall, now I find we are broken,
So here I am again, looking at you, whispering unheard words unspoken.

YOUR VOICE
Your voice is in my head
it follows me every where I go
I wish I didnt care
then I wouldnt have to listen

You told me to stay in school
dont do drugs and eat my vegetables
that if I just stayed true to me
that I would be cool

I guess some things just dont happen
the way you thought they would
I tried to look up to you
and follow your example
but everyone I looked up to
turned out to be just as fucked up as me

I know we havnt talked in years
not since the pigs took you away
but I still remember the words you said to me
all the times when I ate supper and you didnt
I was just a little kid then
to young to understand
why you cried yourself to sleep
where was dad?

I saw all the other kids with their loving families
where was our family
where was my father?

I remember the nights when I woke up
because I had a bad dream
I would run and hid in your bed
I would cling to your pillow
cause I thought it would protect me
from the evil monsters
that made you leave me every night

If you were still here
I would take care of you
I would make sure you never had to go to work again
or wash another dish

If you saw me now
would you be proud?
proud to know that I was kicked out of school
and my only friends
are in my head?

I guess what im trying to say is
I miss you mom

Sincerely,
your loving son

as i stood
in front of that grave
i looked up and said
"its a terrible day for rain"
you looked up as well
and questioned me
bluntly saying
"its not raining"
and as you turn
to look at me
and see a tear stream
down my face
you nodded in agreement
smypatizing with me
and i could feel
the pain
wash away
with this rain
maybe its not. . .
"a bad day for rain"

THE   GOOD  LOSS
I  lost my  heart when  I  fell  in  love  with  you
I lost  my   soul  when  you  said  you  loved  me  too
I  lost  my loneliness  when  we lived  as  two
I  lost my   virginity  when we  played  in  our  bed  room
I  lost  my   dirty  games  when you  showed  me  the part of  body, you  hide  boo
I lost my  bad  words  when  your  lips relaxed  my  lips, so  cute
I  lost myself  the  first  day  I    saw you  in  the  hood
im  happy  for  this  loss, I  credit  all  my  appreciation  to  you

THE  BIGGEST  LOOSER
I want u to know that im tired
Fighting for your love which I have not acquired
All my strength has become fired
I guess I must stop loving u and retire.

I want u to know that I loved u the most
I tried everything for u to understand my thoughts
But u never cared anything I spoke
U never listened any of my thoughts.

I want u to know that I miss u
I want to hate u but I still feel u
I swear if u gave me your love I would sink through
And make u know that happy isn''t single.

I want u to know that I have said bye
Never again to disturb your life
But your happiness will always be mines
I shall love u till the end of time.

I want u to know that im sorry
For loving u and feeling u shawty
I had no other option since u were my hot pick
Now without misery is now my topic.

Barron Eclipse

His lips were like poison
just one kiss too much
his skin was like fire
you just couldn't touch.

Just one kiss too much
I must tear away
you just couldn't touch
the burning pain stayed.

I must tear away
I have to hold on
the burning pain stayed
with his hypnotic song.

I have to hold on
it's so hard to try
with his hypnotic song
our worlds collide.

It's so hard to try
with each dieing note
our worlds collide
and together we float.

with each dieing note
my pain lingers on
together we float
to you I am drawn.

My pain lingers on
so I must say
to you I am drawn
but I can not stay.

So I must say
with a hole in my hear
I can not stay
and we move apart.

With a hole in my heart
my love still is strong
and we move apart
I start missing your song.

My love still is strong
this can not be
I start missing your song
you start missing me.

This can not be
each word a lie
you start missing me
as I start to cry.

Each word a lie
from his poison lips
as I start to cry
on this barren eclipse.

Today I cried

How could you?
Why would you?
I asked you,
admonished you,
screamed my head off
at you. Keep your head down!
Damn You! You were familiar
with the sound.
the ack,ack,ack, the whump and thump
you'd seen our brothers drop. I cried
out to you, "stay down!"

Today I heard the gunfire, I cried
the gun salute to honor your sacrifice.
So many salute you and owe you for that.
You gave your life in service to this country.
But it didn't have to be this way.

How could you?
Why would you?
I hate you.
I love you Bro
R.I.P.

You've Been Missed

I wish you was closer
Grief has taken over
Monopolizing my emotions
The hard part is coping
The water works have opened
My face is just soaking
In a profusion of tears
Reminiscing on the years
Of unforgettable moments
That's a major component
Into why I'm so hopeless
I'm sure everyone noticed
The breakdowns occurring
The constant yearning
From the desperation
To the isolation
Yes the situation
Is becoming too much
Without your touch
My life is crushed
Grinded into dust
Left to rust
Just like my trust
When you gave up on us
And boarded that bus
Back to your small town
I pray that you'll come back around
And visit me
The past is ancient history
Don't settle for a memory
Put me out my misery

Only God knows

I wonder where are you now?
Are you the cat that meows
Or the dog that howls
Or the rooster that crows
Only God knows
If whether or not
You're the grass that grows
The sun that glows
Or the wind that blows
All day long
Whistling a song
Only God knows
If you're a flower sprouting
Snow on a mountain
Water from a fountain
Like a river it flows
But only God knows
Where and when
Everyone and everything goes