Son/Daughter/Mother/Father

No matter what I’ve done
No matter what I’ll ever do
Nothing could overcome the sadness in my heart
If I can’t be with you

I take you everywhere I go
Be it short or far
Within every beat of my heart
That is where you are

You’re with me every morning I awake
As a matter of fact, the entire day
You even whisper in my ear
With every word I say

You’re even with me on the court
And still you follow me to the shower
And as love rains over my entire body
I’m totally cleansed by its power

You’re my one and only dream
And you’re featured on all my thoughts
You were even with me
For the last burger that I bought

You sit with me on the job
And walk with me through the rain
And every time I fall
You help me overcome the pain

You’re there when I succeed
You’re even there when I fail
You never try to hide
You’re even there when I meet other females

And no matter how they look
Be it foul or fair
They’ll never take your spot
Because to you, they don’t compare

You’re with me when I eat
You’re even with me when I drink
If you weren’t in my life
I wouldn’t have enough breath to even think

You’re the love of my life
Like you, there will never be another
Because no other lady
Can give me the love of my mother

Love, your son, Eric

“To Mama”
by:  Eric L. Boddie

What I told my Mother

Mother dear, I said one day
Your son in law is a bad boy
He comes in during the night
And squeeze me very very tight

Mother dear turn to me and stare
You are a dimwit I do declare
He loves you like a brother
Why are you such a bother

Mother dear, he sucks my nipples
Like a hungry little baby
Do you think that don't tickle
Don't you think that's so naughty

Mother dear pulls my bangs
You are just a stupid girl
Scared of anything that tickles
Always have been since you were little

Mother dear, he pokes my vagina
And he strokes and sucks them
He puts his tongue on my labia
and lap me slurp me like a clam

Mother dear slaps my face
You are a dirty bitch
My son in law is so straight lace
What are you, a ditch?

Mother dear, but he fucks me
Every time you and sister are not around
He fucks me all the time
Night morning and noon

Mother dear stood up and hit
me, stood and walked out
of my room, screaming in anger
You are a miserable liar

I sat down on the bed
and her son in law came in
shut the door and grabbed me hard
ripped my underwear, started fucking

Hovering on the ceiling
I watched me and him
Fucking sucking devouring
And I curl and die within

.:Ma said:.

http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2608/4045481831_d2cc049c5d_z.jpg



Life styled to amaze ya; The imagined fantasy of a future's fantasia
To date, arriving not a second too late…propelled
coming upon a newfound yet somewhat dysfunctional sphere
Here we’ve seen what has caused an exceptional tear
What befalls this.. Troubling this epitome of the femme fatale?
It’s in the revelation that there's an all too evident need of improvement
No matter... with care
There will be this spell bounding accord
A formula brought about by Miss Na Na and her wit
Her game-her-ship to be reckoned with…she
The new & improved…The one to be in charge
In charge of what The Original State meant
And all that it had initially said: FIRST-LINE TEACHER
This will initiate the realness of a Righted World - with
A New World Order; bright new girls.
Exemplars of The New Women

Ma said the next ones; these ones
Have been prescribed by heaven

They’d break through and over taking the bull by the horn
Dissolving the crap along with its scorn;
so poignant is her thorn
Taking down without any setback
Disarming each Cracker Jack forgoing its prize
No concern of size
Accomplished by knowing how to smack up;
Perfected in how to stack up
Straight up to the ceiling with glass breaking all over
The jagged & splintered; showering shimmering reflections of the celestial
So essential; the control of their feelings
These daughters having the upmost integrity in their dealings

Ma said they’d partner in rule-her-ship
To well-equip the realm with each corrected tool
No bull; just the essentials: prosperity
One built upon a feminine cool and reasoned austerity
Enlightened, not frightened
These  girls; these are to be the New Women
The ones raised up
Properly propped & prepped by careful Mothers
The same sane ones who also birthed their caring Brothers
Brothers who in turn would be charged by attentive Fathers
The ones charged with the protection of them all
Here, its clear...not one is to have an inattentive peer
And everyone's love is considered revered










..
photo: rosie hardy©

I remember the day I found out,
I was to be a mother.
I remember being terrified,
I was to have another.
 
Excitement coursed through
the veins I had slit hollow.
Bandages embraced me,
the rest of my life followed.
 
My stomach hardened,
as my heart melted down.
I couldn't wait to sing you
the lullabies I'd found.
 
"Set in stone," I thought.
"Certainly it's true."
But it shattered like stained glass,
Baby girl, I failed you.
 
Down crashing, came the waves.
I was drowning in the loss.
Your blood upon my stupid hands,
tattooed, and cut across.
 
The fault wasn't yours,
I swear it was me....
You won't see the sun,
I won't hear you breathe.
 
Could I have held you,
just one fleeting moment?
No, looking back,
I don't think I deserve it.

Dear Andrew

I know I'm fucking up.
I know it.
I know I am feeling my way through the darkness
with blistered fingertips.

I don't need the judgment or forgiveness of a God-sized fairy tale
I just need yours
Little, precious, you
My blonde haired miniature man

I know you are destined to make some of my same mistakes
I know I won't be able to tell you anything for a while
I know to expect pain in exchange for my ill-fitting love
But I want you to know that even though I'm fucking it up
feeling my way through the dark

I love you
I'm trying
I'll be here whenever you need me
for as long as time allows
To help you, to let you know
that you are the only one that matters

Well, you and your sisters
But I don't have the heart
to shatter their image of me yet

Up In Smoke

No, not yet
Its too soon for you to die old man
Even though you've earned it
 
Smoking Lucky Strikes by the pack
No filter between you and your sweet tobacco
Burning away your days
Inhaling smoke and ember
Scrawling wrinkles on your face
 
Cancer's come a-calling
But I'm the one that's wallowing in a sorrow
Only Jack Daniels knows how to handle
 
A candle's worth of light
Upon this desk tonight
As I spill out words and booze-soaked breath
To take the edge off my regrets when it comes to you,
The Father that I never knew  
 
23 years without  
And when you came around
I had no idea what to do with your presence
So just like all my other problems I let you hover
Sit there, until I had an impulse of something other
To do with you than to spit the curses of my ignorance
 
Sparing you a glance every now and then
A chance conversation  
Scraping details off the surface of this relationship
If you can call it that  
I don't know if I would bother
 
But for having never met
We held so much in common
Talents
Humor
Apprehension of higher powers
Facial structure, a given
And this separate life that I am living
Makes me sigh a heavy, booze-soaked breath of relief
 
What will there be left for me to reap when you are gone?
An empty bag full of questions?
Shrinking footsteps I wished to stand in?
The one-sided story of a good but injured woman
left alone to raise a son, stamping out an impression?
 
A handful of correspondences
Emails
Phone calls
Car rides to all-you-can-eat buffets
Short walks under the shining Florida sun  
In St. Augustine near a fortress by the bay
Cheering on a sports team
I adopted because they...
seemed to make you happy  
 
But that's not good enough for me.
 
Your loss, I'm afraid,
Will mean more to me once its real
And there is no cache of information
Pertaining to the blood, sweat, and vocations  
Of the variables
That siphoned into me  
 
But we don't have that type of openness to heal
And we don't ask questions, maybe, the way we should
And we aren't close enough to reach
To touch each other's lives in the way, that probably, we would
If it didn't take this Jack Daniels to make me feel like a son
And cancer for you to feel like you missed out on being a Dad

Thank you

I watch drama movies
so as to educate myself
to what fear, pain
and inner terror
really mean.  
So I'd recognise them  
when they come,
If they come.  
 
After all
my life has always been
a perfect highway.  

Sensitive driver miss Ophie in her own highway and she cares with a precision. I love this one too:)

Where's my Place?

There a sinking feeling,
Phone ringing loud.
But joy like any other!
He's called me,
He's called.
Oh Daddy, didn't forget me.

It's promised, I'm sure,
Tonight I'll see-
He'll hug and hold,
Daddy's little girl.
It's a promised day.

To feel a blow is mildly put-
It's a bullet to the heart.
Painful, heartbreaking,
Another promise broken.
More wondering-
More longing-
Waiting for a call.
More and more,
Wait and wait-
Daddy forgot me after all.

Mommy please, hold me tight.
Don't forget me too.
Your arms are warm,
Your heart is pure-
Love is all you know.

It's hard for us, is it not?
Daddy forgot a little to much.
Don't be afraid,
I love you so much-
That one day it wont matter.
One day he'll be waiting,
For me to make a call-
For him to walk me down,
For me to say 'it's okay.'

Don't worry,
I love you- the you I curl into.
You will be given,
All my heart- all my love-
Mommy, it's you who takes me home.
For my place is with you.

we could've had more


Perhaps there are far too many
words left to stay..
Or maybe it's the chatised
demands for you to stay..

Mother..you have always
promised to do better than him..
You broke every single promise
you let the drugs win..

Now your teeth are rotten,
and your breath is rank..
You would not be in this state
if you weren't such a skank..

If you hadn't opened your legs
like a front door..
We could've been a family
we could've had more..

I'll never be good enough for her..


I can see it in her eyes
when she comes creeping in.
She’s been somewhere she promised me
she’d never go again.

She thinks that I won’t know it.
She thinks that I can’t tell.
But she forgets how many times
she's put me through this hell.

The deceit is never-ending.
The betrayal . Silly lies.
How can she even sit there
and look me in the eyes?

I’ve cried so many tears.
I feel so all alone.
She’s sitting right beside me,
but she's not really home.

This drug has taken over her.
It’s eating up her soul.
It’s made her heart so ugly.
Black, like a piece of coal.

I try to stand beside her.
I try to give her love.
I beg her to love me more than it,
but I’m not good enough.

What I Have Learned

What I've learned from you the most-
Is how painful love can be.
What it feel like to be forgotten,
To be broken beside the road.
How to yearn for a touch I can't have-
Daddy, I've learned this from you.

What I've learned from you the most-
Is that love is unconditional.
That lessons are learned hard,
That boy's come and go.
And no matter what I do-
I can always run to you.
Mommy, what I've learned-
Is how much I Love You.

For my mom...... </3


And into the world stared these gleaming blue
               eyes

Which she saw past its dimension and only
              despised

This beauty she portrayed everyone had
               seen

but disguised sadness she made it
               serene

The greatest flaw that had filled her
               heart

Perfection only the beginning, just the
               start

With Black stringy long hair hit right beneath her
               waist

Glass mirror she had feared she now turned to
               face

The pale white skin was now deep within her
              reflection

An enemy she had seen, with this girl had no
              connection

Tears streamed down and began to hit the
               sink

Matched the blood that seeped now combining to
                pink

Cutting she thought was her only
                escape

From the horrid memory of her Elusive
                rape

The outer canvas had just been a
                mask

Deep happiness was all but a
               task

Hey mom, dad guess what...


Hey mom, dad guess what………

See that weed?
It’s laced with coke!
Mommy do you see me?
Do you see me, hear me choke?
Do you see because of you my life is full of smoke?

How about you dad?
Don’t you see?
I’m not the little girl you once had!
Do you really think I care?
I’m killing myself!
I’m dying!
But I don’t give a f***.
As long as I stay flying.
As long as I’m no longer sad.
As long as I’m no longer crying.

And as sad as it may sound
I think it’s destiny to die with a razor and some weed next to me.
Yup that’s me.
Me and my f***ed up reality

Mother

Mother, dear mother
I should thank you for birth
But all the years of absence
Left me questioning my gratitude

Mother, induced mother
Why do you sleep for eighteen hours?
Are you ill or not so well?
And what's that smokey smell of dirt?

Mother, angry mother
You didn't sleep much today
You painted me with bruises
While i laughed them speedily away

Mother, goodbye mother
Your priorities pushed me away
The addiction was too strong
A boy left to wander and stray

Mother, O lost mother
I do not hate, nor respect
But pity your circumstance
No sorry's built the broken

Mother, dear mother
Thank you for the birth
I sire one of my own
Your mistakes are now my worth