Damn It This Should Have Won

Time to put up the real goods. You published a poem and it was overlooked, or you entered a contest that became a popularity contest. Something you already wrote... but the bastards failed to take notice. One poem each. One month. Edit it as much as you like. Fear not, the Braggman has no allegiances, only to the written word, the final product. The poem is all that matters.


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OK since this is a contest where people went back to their old writing and picked their favorite unloved children. I can't just vote without a few explanations.

Keys and Gloves - great poem I have added it to my reading list. Though you posted it quickly it was so strong that it still was in my mind for the 5 way tie I mentioned above, unfortunately we can't have a tie.

Eric - I can tell that you put an exceeding amount of care into this one. It was not just another seduction poem. One of your goodest ones.  

Paul - Unusually dark for you. Nice write. Interesting concept.

Paige - this is a very powerful piece. If I could have judged this contest based upon honesty and emotions alone, this would have been my pick. Another in my mythical 5-way tie.

October Arts - Great poem. It expresses a sentiment we all share. We are here to read about us and to feel less alone.

Nameless - Drift. This is very original. It reminds me of "Falling" by James Dickey.

Atropabelladonna - Fresh, unusual and heartless. I wouldn't expect anything less from you.

13- Another gem from you. It is dense, powerful and angry. Good job.

Kitty - Another strong candidate in your tireless campaign to expose social ills in poetry. Nice read.

Mitchell - I never would have thought that a small poem that rhymes and compares a woman with a robot would be one of my favorites. Since by the time you read this you will know that you have won, I will give the only criticism that I am giving here in this little speech. I scan one too many syllables in the last line. I would consider removing "all" or changing "you are" to "you're." Other than that this had both a theme behind it. It had a suppressed but ever-present emotional tone from the speaker who feels rejected. Above all it had a careful crafting that surpassed every other poem. Although I've said that rhyme  never helped a poem, I also said that I have allegiance only to the best poem, and that is exactly what you had. Give the man a star.

Milkyway - Uplifting love poem. I assume you passed this back and forth adding one stanza at a time? I don' t really know how a collab. works, but it was a good read.

Magician Type - I didn't see your question hidden down there until I did the judging, sorry.

Miss_Sub - Addiction. I know not of this addiction. Just kidding. "pissing on the doors of memory, homeless veins" great images. Chillingly addicted. Both inviting and spiteful.

flightlessangel - Original and well crafted take on the zombie theme. Just when you think the world has finally beaten this subject to death, it stands up and here it comes again.

dustyjjewels - You don't see many poems about gambling addiction. I thought it was a drug poem at first.

Mike - Of all of the poems, this had the best concept behind it, and almost the best realization of the concept. It was a very close second place. Very tight. It is in my reading list... and if Mitchell hadn't ruined it for you. It would have won.

kourtnissixxx - Definitely soaked in meaning, and emotion... especially regret. It is moving and gritty at the same time.

Johnny - Yes you are a control subject... almost as if you were in some sort of... contest. Cool poem.

JAITO - Sorry one entry per person. You never got back to me with a post or a PM.

PierreTheMad - Strong entry. Tight, compact in both emotion and words. Gives us a false sense that we know what emotions are expected and heightens them with the second stanza. Strong.

opheliac - Again if I could 5-way tie a winner. For the ratio of meaning, imagery, and emotion for each word it is a winner. It also is in my reading list.

lightbaron - Your quirky words and strange charm work their poetic magic again here. I really love the way each line builds off the previous.

Student - You are right. Writing a good love poem that is still original is a chore. You can only approach the subject indirectly. Concise, well written, and original.

Thorne - Cool poem. I was admiring it from a distance the first time that I saw it, but neglected to comment then. The style and repetition really sell the emotion.

So there you have it
Mitchell first. Mike second. Paige, opheliac and keys with honorable mention.

LOL p.s I hate you


I really hate facebook
No really, I do
Everyone I ever knew is on there
Sometimes more than once

500 friends and still no one to talk to
Everyone commenting
But no one’s really saying anything
LOL

Have I mentioned how much I hate you?
Oh look Farmville... again
Gods help me

Another comment box is coming up
I’m being poked from so many different directions
Does anyone own a phone anymore?

HAHA thought someone might remember my birthday
No that was facebook to
Of course

Poke me again and I swear I’ll strangle you with that mouse cord!
Wireless...?
I’ll show you wireless!

Family I have never met before wants to add me
Just because we share the same last name
Does not mean I want to know you

I just saw pictures I wish I hadn’t
I think I need to gouge my eyes out
...I’m being poked again

That’s it I’m killing someone!
For the record I told you so
Prepare to die!

LOL
p.s I hate you

I think this is a really good idea Steve YAY thanks much is for making it

20 minutes into the month and keys comes out with gloves off. It won't make me popular, but it should be interesting, and we get to see what each writer really cared about.

this was written for the online romance competition....
 
 
"Let's Make This Poetry Real"
by:  Eric L. Boddie
 
I type in:  www.ourloveisreal.com
I Love this site....I must say it's the bomb
It says enter user name:  goodest4sho
And now password:  **************** you aleady know
Eight unread messages, but only one from She
That's her screen name, and she looks like rich, sweet, honey-caramel ebony
I take a deep breath before I proceed
I clicked on her message, and this is how it reads:
 
i was sitting here reflecting on our first scheduled wetting at a mutually exclusive setting and i was thinking about letting your tongue do that petting that you said i would have trouble forgetting since you say you thrive on respecting my frame by injecting the center of my bisecting legs where pleasure has been neglecting because i have constantly been rejecting in fear that i may end up regretting.....
 
so baby can't you see that you have done something to me you have me waving like the sea because your words have paid the fee for the greatest Love you could ever see so cum on and beat it out of its misery....
 
oooohhh baby i hope you get this soon so cum and help release me from my doom and deliver kitty from her gloom it's like she's stuck inside the tomb so act like it's a honeymoon where i'm the bride and you're the groom and make me feel high like i'm on some shrumes boy i need you in my mouth and in my womb so get the key from the front desk....the number is 108, i'm in the room.....WAITING.....
 
Well damn, I just Love what she just said
And she said she's got that fire head
And she ending it with WAITING....that probably means naked in the bed
I could leave right now, but I must reply instead:
 
now i wasnt gonna say this
but your words made it too hard to resist
you are the only thing my Life has missed
only you are on my heart's playlist
& my lips cant wait to meet
all 4 of yours but 1st your feet
because i wont leave 1 inch of you untouched
you will Love this tongue bath so very much
you are the fire within my eye
you wont leave my mind & i cant explain why
but what i do know...what i understand
is how you are so needed in the Life of this man
i need your care i need your Love i need your passion all the same
i need your heart your mind your Soul ohhhh girl i need your frame
i need your taste i need your lower waist on my face
and dont worry about my tongue...it goes at its own pace
and when im through then its time for you to get more than just a clue
im gonna sink so deep into the depths of your Soul that you wont know what to do
but you will sleep because your legs will be so weak
from that xxxtraction that you seek...how i make the panties leak
and then we will awake to a new day that is truly Blessed
but you will have to wait to get dressed because i just gotta have some breakfast
i hope you liked that and that you are ready for more
boo im on the way...im literally walking out the door....;)
 
Now Eric, this ain't a fling, and this ain't a trend
Because at first, this lady was a friend
Chats became conversations about more than the most pleasing sin
I see God In her trying to help me win
And her pictures put to shame what others call a ten
So I really see no reason to try to pretend
I want what happens tonight to never end
Now the only thing left to do is to press it....SEND

The Hall Of The Damned         (SP Summerscales)

The scream of sheer death
it deflates your lungs
and rips out your breath  
it tears apart
the ventricles of your heart
like the demonic sounds
of a fallen angels harp
the evil flame forming faces
howl and burn mental ash traces
that lick your brain with hot pain
which lights up the dark
to show the insane
in their stark underworld  
of plughole down drain .

A soul stealing trident
Satan spiked and hell sent
tri pronged and wrapped  
in a serpent
stands arrow capped  
in an evil dominant
inside are trapped spirits of unrepent
and infinite , expirement
they ache for your
desperate , detriment
and life retirement

So how can you be here
if your not dead yet
a demon leans near and says
this is what you might get
only fear if you gamble
and lose the bet
your soul so dear
shall be speared in an eternal net

The hall of the damned
full of gone murderers that hanged  
now they're hell framed
their pictured in pain
forever tortured  
dead and inane
they cry out contorted,  
faintly my name
as I leave Satans
emporium of reign
I know after this
that I'll play the right game
and never shall I diss
the lords name ever again ,
nor dare never shall I speak it
in vain .
 

"Can you tell me?"

…What?
…Did you come to read some poetry?
…Maybe a short or dark story
…Lost love or erotic glory
…Rambling rhymes of what I think of me
…Miscellaneous rants or something happy
Tell me… what did you come to read?
 
Thoughts that share your insanity
Something hot to fuel your fantasies
My thoughts on a worthless world
Some lines you can recite to your girl
How many times I can attempt suicide
And live to write why I am still alive
Tell me…Is this what you expected
 
I bet your thinking, what is this 20 questions?
Is there even any meaning to this?
I apologize… I must admit
I only ask… because I ask me this
 
What did I come to read?
Not a clever piece or rhyming spree
To be honest something about me
A shared thought or story
To know it’s not just me
To feel a little less lonely
 
But this is just me
What did you come to read?

Which one would you like me to consider Traveler? One entry per person was the rule I set and I don't want to rule you out on a technicality.

Very good. Got the PM. "Drift" it will be.

go nameless woot

You look pretty digging your grave



Her dress so beautiful; make up on her face
A necklace of pearls; everything in place
Her hair as perfect as a snowflake
As she digs beside the lake

You look so pretty digging your grave
Working for hours as you slave
What had pushed her this far?
What kind of punishment has left this scar?

Not crying not even a care
Hands not gloved; bleeding as bare
Laughing at her task she goes
What made her this way... She only knows

You look so pretty digging your grave
I guess a broken heart; all the love she gave
She still continues; scoop after scoop
For she is not right; her head thrown into a loop

Now she stairs gazing at the moon
Looking down at this hole: is their enough room?
She places the shovel to see how deep
This her resting place; her finale sleep

You look so pretty digging your grave
To end all this pain; you only crave
To finally be free; no pain at last
It's coming closer, it arrives so fast

You get word of what she's doing
Not time to spare; gotta get going
You drive like a mad man there
For her life; you somewhat care

You look so pretty digging your grave
Now it's only him; her life to save
He arrives; his brakes a screech
Only a few steps; she will be in reach

He yells as he runs to her
He will stop her; he's for sure
She hits him with the shovel: pushing him in
Now is her new life; her freedom can begin

You look so pretty filling his grave
For all of his abuse in which he gave
No more crying, no more fear
Only from hear heart a warming cheer

" Thier is nothing worse than a scorned woman!"

Page_Writer said:Chameleon

I always said that I would never change, for no one.
Now I look in the mirror and I see that I did, I changed so much that I don't even know how to be me anymore.
I said that I would never change but because of so many changes in my life-- I learned to adapt to a situation.
I remember walking by the ISS room and seeing him in there with people that he regularly did not not associate with, talking and laughing just like they were the best of friends.
You can speak to adults that are strangers the same way you speak to adults that you know. To teachers, parents, people you just met.
I am not that way, I look at a situation not in how do I blend with these people so that I am one of them but how do I blend with these people so that they don't hurt me.
I called you a chameleon, but you're not a chameleon-- I am a chameleon.
I change so that I may survive the situations that I have been placed in, I change my color for you just as often as I change my color for anyone. I changed my color for my step-father because I was afraid of him and I did not want him to see the things I did wrong, I changed my color for my mother so that she could get me the help I needed, I changed my color for my grandfather and my father so that they would be proud of me, I changed my color for my friends and for strangers so they wouldn't see genuinely how fucked up I was underneath my mask. I changed my color for him, for her, and for you.
I swore that I would never change.
But now I can't be the person I was in the beginning, the person that I haven't been for so many years. Years that I can't seem to remember, my brain now automatically changes my colors whenever something bad happens. I can stay a certain color for a certain amount of time but sometimes I forget to change, or I change to the opposite color that I am suppose to be.
With this I am telling you, my color changes back to blue-- How do I ask you this, will you help me through?
I break down and cling to him because I do not want to be alone, I do not like being alone because I have no one to protect me from what may be lurking in the shadows or on the computer screen when I log on. What words will she have composed together that will destroy me today, I need him there to stop me from getting out the razors and hurting myself.
I need him to stand by for another break down, there will always be another after the first one. I will never be better, I have been broke so many times. I am now a chameleon, I adapt to situations, I am use to these things happening that my colors just change through a cycle and I am now able to blend in with everyone else, only so that I may stay alive. But sometimes it's hard for me to blend in, it's hard for me to not show my true colors--
I was never good at pretending to be okay, and that was never a lie.
I like to say that no one can change me but then I realize that people changed me for the worse, people made me weak, people made me pathetic.
I wanted to believe for so long that I was strong but I know now that I am not, even though my body and brain tell myself to be strong even when I am technically showing that I am breaking down right in front of you.
Sadly all the people that I changed for, all the people that I tried to please-- They left, moved on, didn't care, hated me to begin with or have died-- Passed away into darkness never to be seen again.
Never again. . .
Stand by for another breakdown. . .
Sound off the alarm, the patient is trying to hurt herself again.
I'm breaking down in front of you, I'm showing you what I really am-- Please don't leave me I am at my most vulnerable now.
I am the chameleon, the creature that all my life I swore I wouldn't become.
But I have. . .
I hide by blending in.
I lie to myself and the people around me.
I try to be something that I am not, and then do not know what it's like to be me.
I show my true colors, then change them so that no one sees what I really am.
So no one hurts me.
So that I stay safe.
I am still trying to protect myself, even from you-- Afraid that you will also eventually hurt me.
You are the one here to protect me but when you are not here my mind resorts back to when it had to defend itself and it tells me to blend in and pretend that you belong here.
Be a chameleon.
I am the chameleon.
The chameleon that I swore I wouldn't become.
I am that chameleon.

I thought this one a really good poem but people didn't really notice it as much as they did my other poems.
Great write and very heart felt. I don't understand where you didn't win. Kudos