Why do Women Wait to Report Sexual Assault & Rape?
Anne-Ri999 said:
Here are my "few cents" for this topic.
[ . . . ]
Thats all I wanted to add, much strength and blessings to All who endure these matters.
Rianne
Thank you for sharing your personal experience, Rianne. I deeply appreciate it and fully concur at the implications of reporting. You and I have previously discussed our mutual volunteer service at shelters. The stories are horrific and hit home.
Each woman's situation is different regardless of what class she comes from. Be it wealthy, middleclass, or in poverty - it doesn't matter. Reporting does indeed put the woman in the spotlight, and not in a positive manner. It's absolutely horrific what they go through in front of a courtroom, not to mention the media and defense attorneys who shred them to pieces.
This is funny, but it's NOT funny—it demonstrates the shoe on the other foot and drives the point home.
https://youtu.be/51-hepLP8J4?si=ZfTkjNq1qcLNByxQ
The point here is that there are legitimate reasons to delay reporting an assault. I know, I was in that same situation and waited decades to report. By then I had healed myself, and while it brought up unpleasantries during the recollection period, I was emotionally stable and strong enough to sustain the pushback. Him? Not so much. And that was poetic justice.
Here are my "few cents" for this topic.
[ . . . ]
Thats all I wanted to add, much strength and blessings to All who endure these matters.
Rianne
Thank you for sharing your personal experience, Rianne. I deeply appreciate it and fully concur at the implications of reporting. You and I have previously discussed our mutual volunteer service at shelters. The stories are horrific and hit home.
Each woman's situation is different regardless of what class she comes from. Be it wealthy, middleclass, or in poverty - it doesn't matter. Reporting does indeed put the woman in the spotlight, and not in a positive manner. It's absolutely horrific what they go through in front of a courtroom, not to mention the media and defense attorneys who shred them to pieces.
This is funny, but it's NOT funny—it demonstrates the shoe on the other foot and drives the point home.
https://youtu.be/51-hepLP8J4?si=ZfTkjNq1qcLNByxQ
The point here is that there are legitimate reasons to delay reporting an assault. I know, I was in that same situation and waited decades to report. By then I had healed myself, and while it brought up unpleasantries during the recollection period, I was emotionally stable and strong enough to sustain the pushback. Him? Not so much. And that was poetic justice.
lepperochan said:[ . . . ]
I know two males: one was in his teens and reported his rape within days, went through all the proper channels and the director of Public procecutions wouldn't try the rapist.
[ . . . ]
Thank you for sharing that. It's true that it's not just women but men who are victims as well. I think one of the most horrific cases was the Ohio State Doctor who sexually abused at least 177 male students for DECADES.
What makes it so horrific is that despite the persistence, seriousness, and regularity of such complaints, no meaningful action was taken by the University to investigate such concerns until January 1996, when the reports left the campus and were extended to police departments, etc.
So, men and boys suffer the same. Sexual assault knows no gender. While boys are helpless in defense of a grown man's advances, grown men suffer deep "shame", as you have pointed out.
I know two males: one was in his teens and reported his rape within days, went through all the proper channels and the director of Public procecutions wouldn't try the rapist.
[ . . . ]
Thank you for sharing that. It's true that it's not just women but men who are victims as well. I think one of the most horrific cases was the Ohio State Doctor who sexually abused at least 177 male students for DECADES.
What makes it so horrific is that despite the persistence, seriousness, and regularity of such complaints, no meaningful action was taken by the University to investigate such concerns until January 1996, when the reports left the campus and were extended to police departments, etc.
So, men and boys suffer the same. Sexual assault knows no gender. While boys are helpless in defense of a grown man's advances, grown men suffer deep "shame", as you have pointed out.
MidnightSonneteer said:Mr. Lepp,
"In a roundabout way"?
Then in a roundabout way, might I be allowed to ask how Mysterious Lady is able to reconcile her own experience as a "surviving victim", with the former president's established court record as a sex offender?
Some elaboration about that incongruity is in order here.
How might it be at all possible that the topics are psychologically unrelatable?
With all due respect to Mysterious Lady, and her experience, why is ML so insistent that the matter be addressed in Ahavati's Indictment thread 4, rather than this one? And I will proceed to make that inquiry in spite of the moderator's conspiracy to hide any and all evidentiary comments in the deletion of the thread prior to that.
What are DUP moderator's trying to hide with their evidentiary deletions?
"Mods where are you? This is an attack on me." ...sure sounds like someone is crying witch-hunt, with a shameless appeal to the censors.
Are there some tax return data at stake?
MS, thank you for your input. When someone says, "lets discuss it", it typically warrants an exchange between two people, particularly the one who requested the discussion. I too am interested in what, exactly, she wanted to discuss?
This is a deeply moving and triggering topic for many women and men that goes down various rabbit holes of circumstance, as we have seen demonstrated in this very thread. It didn't belong in the indictment thread.
"In a roundabout way"?
Then in a roundabout way, might I be allowed to ask how Mysterious Lady is able to reconcile her own experience as a "surviving victim", with the former president's established court record as a sex offender?
Some elaboration about that incongruity is in order here.
How might it be at all possible that the topics are psychologically unrelatable?
With all due respect to Mysterious Lady, and her experience, why is ML so insistent that the matter be addressed in Ahavati's Indictment thread 4, rather than this one? And I will proceed to make that inquiry in spite of the moderator's conspiracy to hide any and all evidentiary comments in the deletion of the thread prior to that.
What are DUP moderator's trying to hide with their evidentiary deletions?
"Mods where are you? This is an attack on me." ...sure sounds like someone is crying witch-hunt, with a shameless appeal to the censors.
Are there some tax return data at stake?
MS, thank you for your input. When someone says, "lets discuss it", it typically warrants an exchange between two people, particularly the one who requested the discussion. I too am interested in what, exactly, she wanted to discuss?
This is a deeply moving and triggering topic for many women and men that goes down various rabbit holes of circumstance, as we have seen demonstrated in this very thread. It didn't belong in the indictment thread.
Speaking of the indictment thread coupled with the irony of ML's question, this was touched upon in the latest HCR report today. It's not just the Catholics that have a reputation for sexual abuse, and also touches on male rapes.
It also reinforces the term "patriarchal" that I responded to Betty with.
At home, news broke on Saturday that Paul Pressler, a major leader of the Southern Baptist Convention and a key Republican activist, died on June 7 at age 94. In 1967, Pressler, a Texas judge, and Paige Patterson, a seminary student, met in New Orleans to plan a takeover of the Southern Baptists, the largest Protestant denomination in the U.S., to rid it of liberals, purging those who believed in abortion rights, women’s rights, and gay rights. By 1979 their candidate was elected head of the organization, and in the 1980s, Southern Baptists, who then numbered about 15 million people, were active in politics and were staunch supporters of the Republican Party.
In Robert Downen’s obituary of Pressler for the Texas Tribune, he notes that as Pressler’s influence in the Republican Party grew, he also allegedly groped, solicited, or raped at least six men, including one who said he was 14 when Pressler first sexually abused him. Pressler denied the allegations, but he and the Southern Baptist Convention settled a lawsuit brought by that accuser just last December. A 2019 investigation by the Houston Chronicle and San Antonio Express-News inspired by that lawsuit found more than 400 Southern Baptist church leaders or volunteers had been charged with sex crimes since 2000.
In March 2021 the hugely popular leader Beth Moore, herself a survivor of sexual assault, left the church, saying, “You have betrayed your women.” That May, Russell Moore (no relation to Ms. Moore) left the church leadership and then, the following month, left the church itself over its handling of sexual abuse allegations and racism. A 2022 report on the church and sex abuse was so damning that Russell Moore wrote: “I was wrong to call sexual abuse in the Southern Baptist Convention…a crisis. Crisis is too small a word. It is an apocalypse.” The investigation, he said, “uncovers a reality far more evil and systematic than I imagined it could be.”
The patriarchal model of society embraced by the Republican Party in the 1980s enabled the sorts of abuse uncovered in the Southern Baptist Convention, but Pressler’s death suggests that the era might be ending. Today, Robert Morris, the pastor of Texas megachurch Gateway Church, resigned after news broke on Friday that a woman has accused him of sexually abusing her for several years in the 1980s beginning when she was 12.
It also reinforces the term "patriarchal" that I responded to Betty with.
At home, news broke on Saturday that Paul Pressler, a major leader of the Southern Baptist Convention and a key Republican activist, died on June 7 at age 94. In 1967, Pressler, a Texas judge, and Paige Patterson, a seminary student, met in New Orleans to plan a takeover of the Southern Baptists, the largest Protestant denomination in the U.S., to rid it of liberals, purging those who believed in abortion rights, women’s rights, and gay rights. By 1979 their candidate was elected head of the organization, and in the 1980s, Southern Baptists, who then numbered about 15 million people, were active in politics and were staunch supporters of the Republican Party.
In Robert Downen’s obituary of Pressler for the Texas Tribune, he notes that as Pressler’s influence in the Republican Party grew, he also allegedly groped, solicited, or raped at least six men, including one who said he was 14 when Pressler first sexually abused him. Pressler denied the allegations, but he and the Southern Baptist Convention settled a lawsuit brought by that accuser just last December. A 2019 investigation by the Houston Chronicle and San Antonio Express-News inspired by that lawsuit found more than 400 Southern Baptist church leaders or volunteers had been charged with sex crimes since 2000.
In March 2021 the hugely popular leader Beth Moore, herself a survivor of sexual assault, left the church, saying, “You have betrayed your women.” That May, Russell Moore (no relation to Ms. Moore) left the church leadership and then, the following month, left the church itself over its handling of sexual abuse allegations and racism. A 2022 report on the church and sex abuse was so damning that Russell Moore wrote: “I was wrong to call sexual abuse in the Southern Baptist Convention…a crisis. Crisis is too small a word. It is an apocalypse.” The investigation, he said, “uncovers a reality far more evil and systematic than I imagined it could be.”
The patriarchal model of society embraced by the Republican Party in the 1980s enabled the sorts of abuse uncovered in the Southern Baptist Convention, but Pressler’s death suggests that the era might be ending. Today, Robert Morris, the pastor of Texas megachurch Gateway Church, resigned after news broke on Friday that a woman has accused him of sexually abusing her for several years in the 1980s beginning when she was 12.
Another article:
Sexual-assault survivors on why they waited years to report abuse by powerful people
Less than a month after a top Navy officer raped her, Kimberly filed a police report. For six months, nothing moved forward, despite her twice-monthly calls to the department, she said.
Her case was moved to the Naval Criminal Investigative Service and the Judge Advocate General's Corps, but the first special agent who took the case never interviewed her or the officer, and the JAG prosecutor didn't listen to a recording in which she and man argued about the incident, she said.
She provided time-stamped pictures of her black eye and bloody lip from the day of the alleged assault too.
Insider has seen the police report, listened to the recording, viewed the photos, and asked the officer and the prosecutor for comment; neither responded.
That was two years ago, and Kimberly, who asked to keep her last name concealed to protect her safety, is still waiting for justice — or even just to be listened to. She stopped working for a period, temporarily became homeless because she was too distressed to do her job, and lost friends who sided with the sailor.
She's heard the man's career has advanced.
"It's been a nightmare, and I don't wish it on anyone," she said.
Kimberly waited only a few weeks to file her report; she said the delay was because she was "very scared and in denial." Many sexual-assault victims wait years — if they don't stay silent forever — and Kimberly's story illustrates why.
https://www.businessinsider.com/sexual-assault-survivors-wait-years-to-report-abuse-2020-12
Sexual-assault survivors on why they waited years to report abuse by powerful people
Less than a month after a top Navy officer raped her, Kimberly filed a police report. For six months, nothing moved forward, despite her twice-monthly calls to the department, she said.
Her case was moved to the Naval Criminal Investigative Service and the Judge Advocate General's Corps, but the first special agent who took the case never interviewed her or the officer, and the JAG prosecutor didn't listen to a recording in which she and man argued about the incident, she said.
She provided time-stamped pictures of her black eye and bloody lip from the day of the alleged assault too.
Insider has seen the police report, listened to the recording, viewed the photos, and asked the officer and the prosecutor for comment; neither responded.
That was two years ago, and Kimberly, who asked to keep her last name concealed to protect her safety, is still waiting for justice — or even just to be listened to. She stopped working for a period, temporarily became homeless because she was too distressed to do her job, and lost friends who sided with the sailor.
She's heard the man's career has advanced.
"It's been a nightmare, and I don't wish it on anyone," she said.
Kimberly waited only a few weeks to file her report; she said the delay was because she was "very scared and in denial." Many sexual-assault victims wait years — if they don't stay silent forever — and Kimberly's story illustrates why.
https://www.businessinsider.com/sexual-assault-survivors-wait-years-to-report-abuse-2020-12
Anonymous
Domestic violence is split down the middle, sex-wise.
But men under-report.
Every man on death row was raised by a single mother, and educated by a group of people 90% female (kindergarten, pre-school, and elementary teachers).
50% of trans (m2f) minors were born to women diagnosed with Borderline Personality.
But men under-report.
Every man on death row was raised by a single mother, and educated by a group of people 90% female (kindergarten, pre-school, and elementary teachers).
50% of trans (m2f) minors were born to women diagnosed with Borderline Personality.
Mark_Parsons said:Domestic violence is split down the middle, sex-wise.
But men under-report.
Every man on death row was raised by a single mother, and educated by a group of people 90% female (kindergarten, pre-school, and elementary teachers).
50% of trans (m2f) minors were born to women diagnosed with Borderline Personality.
You may be right about the split stats. I wouldn't know conclusively, but I do agree with you that men under-report due to shame and emasculation. It's very sad.
I'm not sure what point you're trying to make with the death row or trans stats. How do either one link to rape?
But men under-report.
Every man on death row was raised by a single mother, and educated by a group of people 90% female (kindergarten, pre-school, and elementary teachers).
50% of trans (m2f) minors were born to women diagnosed with Borderline Personality.
You may be right about the split stats. I wouldn't know conclusively, but I do agree with you that men under-report due to shame and emasculation. It's very sad.
I'm not sure what point you're trying to make with the death row or trans stats. How do either one link to rape?
I see that you needed the attention Avahanti.(spelling as we have both blocked the other, for numerous reasons) Hence all your threads. You totally didnt even get my point in your other thread then felt the need to fluff your ugly feathers and create this one. A bully, attack thread so whatever.
Lep, my experiences are mine and all you need to need to know is just that, and shame on your for asking me to post them. If you want to know why I said what I did in her shitty little thread before this one was created. go read my poems/writes. You'll understand. And dont ever question me on my past. Ive respected you, and yours, I expect the same.
On to the thread at hand, I AM A SURVIVOR, I KNOW HOW IT FEELS. Report it right away, dont. Its all on the person and the circumstances. But waiting 23 fucking years? Im sorry, that I do not get and I stand by my original comment and wont budge on that. OK Stormy.
Make a new thread from this comment, I honestly do not give a fuck. Make 12. Shit create 23.....I do not care. Bully me, attack me, if thats what you need to feel awesome in this world....go for it. I however, do not need that in my life.
For the record, I sympathize with any and all that have been attacked, abused... sexually, verbally, mentally, etc. Ive been there. With all of the above. I am with you. I just do not think it needs to take 23 years to report. Reliving that shit years later isnt go for ME. Maybe its fine for YOU. This thread was created to make me the villain. I am not. PM if you need to talk about my comments. I welcome all PMs.
"You and I have previously discussed our mutual volunteer service at shelters."
I volunteer as well, Ive even fostered abused children and helped women in the same situations. . So neither of us is better than than the other, eh?
Check yourself darlin.
I will not comment again in here so attack away fucking losers, attack away.
Lep, my experiences are mine and all you need to need to know is just that, and shame on your for asking me to post them. If you want to know why I said what I did in her shitty little thread before this one was created. go read my poems/writes. You'll understand. And dont ever question me on my past. Ive respected you, and yours, I expect the same.
On to the thread at hand, I AM A SURVIVOR, I KNOW HOW IT FEELS. Report it right away, dont. Its all on the person and the circumstances. But waiting 23 fucking years? Im sorry, that I do not get and I stand by my original comment and wont budge on that. OK Stormy.
Make a new thread from this comment, I honestly do not give a fuck. Make 12. Shit create 23.....I do not care. Bully me, attack me, if thats what you need to feel awesome in this world....go for it. I however, do not need that in my life.
For the record, I sympathize with any and all that have been attacked, abused... sexually, verbally, mentally, etc. Ive been there. With all of the above. I am with you. I just do not think it needs to take 23 years to report. Reliving that shit years later isnt go for ME. Maybe its fine for YOU. This thread was created to make me the villain. I am not. PM if you need to talk about my comments. I welcome all PMs.
"You and I have previously discussed our mutual volunteer service at shelters."
I volunteer as well, Ive even fostered abused children and helped women in the same situations. . So neither of us is better than than the other, eh?
Check yourself darlin.
I will not comment again in here so attack away fucking losers, attack away.
So, in my opinion, it's obvious that the intent of ML's original comment was to slander or discredit former President Trump's sexual assault victim, E Jeanne Carroll, based on the assumption that women ( particularly her ) wouldn't wait decades to report sexual abuse.
Had I known that was her intent, without a genuine desire to "discuss" the issue ( as requested but in the wrong forum thread ), I most likely would've ignored the comment altogether and not started this thread. It has, however, verified that many women do prolong reporting their attackers for valid reasons—mostly the court system and how its patriarchal design and belief that women bear a modicum, if not all, responsibility for such an attack.
I remember back in the 70's there was an episode of 'Chips' I believe, where two policemen called to a domestic violence call sided with a former policeman who had beat his wife because he was "under stress". They literally told the wife she should be more respectful and understanding of his mindset.
This was public television. This was the general mentality, that women were to be subservient and that what happened between a man and his wife was not to be interfered with.
I myself am a survivor and I myself waited over THREE decades to come public. I had my reasons, and by the time I DID come public I was healed and strong enough to withstand any backlash that accompanied such a profession. And we all know what those backlashes are.
Lastly, for anyone out there who is or has suffered from a sexual assault and are afraid to report it 1) It is not your fault, and 2) Please reach out and speak to a trained professional for support. It's confidential and could make a world of difference in your life.
National Sexual Assault Hotline: Confidential 24/7 Support
https://www.rainn.org/resources
Had I known that was her intent, without a genuine desire to "discuss" the issue ( as requested but in the wrong forum thread ), I most likely would've ignored the comment altogether and not started this thread. It has, however, verified that many women do prolong reporting their attackers for valid reasons—mostly the court system and how its patriarchal design and belief that women bear a modicum, if not all, responsibility for such an attack.
I remember back in the 70's there was an episode of 'Chips' I believe, where two policemen called to a domestic violence call sided with a former policeman who had beat his wife because he was "under stress". They literally told the wife she should be more respectful and understanding of his mindset.
This was public television. This was the general mentality, that women were to be subservient and that what happened between a man and his wife was not to be interfered with.
I myself am a survivor and I myself waited over THREE decades to come public. I had my reasons, and by the time I DID come public I was healed and strong enough to withstand any backlash that accompanied such a profession. And we all know what those backlashes are.
Lastly, for anyone out there who is or has suffered from a sexual assault and are afraid to report it 1) It is not your fault, and 2) Please reach out and speak to a trained professional for support. It's confidential and could make a world of difference in your life.
National Sexual Assault Hotline: Confidential 24/7 Support
https://www.rainn.org/resources
Correction: "Chips" was an incorrect attribution. It was "Foul Play" from Season 1 of Hill Street Blues. I tried to find the clip on Youtube but couldn't. So, the husband ended up shooting the wife after the police officers left. But, yeah, she should've been more understanding. . .
SO WRONG AGAIN - "Personal Foul" season 3 ( I am pretty CERTAIN this time! )
SO WRONG AGAIN - "Personal Foul" season 3 ( I am pretty CERTAIN this time! )
mysteriouslady said: !!@
you might be a survivor, but you're ignorant of other people's experiences and feelings
How dare you come onto this thread and try diminish other people's experience based on whether they reported their experience in what counts as proper time for you. Its disgusting. Some people die without reporting, some people die rather than report
You would think a person would have a little more sense and a lot more empathy.
you might be a survivor, but you're ignorant of other people's experiences and feelings
How dare you come onto this thread and try diminish other people's experience based on whether they reported their experience in what counts as proper time for you. Its disgusting. Some people die without reporting, some people die rather than report
You would think a person would have a little more sense and a lot more empathy.
I can only talk about my personal experiences as to why I never went to the police.
I was first raped when I was 16, by my first boyfriend. I didn't realize what has happened to me was rape, until something came up in sex Ed class. He was older than me by 4 years. I was coerced into it, I didn't want it. When I spoke out about it to my mother, she just looked at me and said "it happens". I learnt that day that my experience was essentially meaningless and no one would stand up for me, or validate what happened to me, or offer me love or comfort or solace, because it's just something men do. I understand now that it says more about my mother's experiences, than my own.
I was 16 with mental health issues and without the support of anyone, I was completely incapable of going through the process of reporting it, let alone dealing with it in a court of law.
When I was gang raped at 19, I couldn't remember a lot of the details because I was so wasted when it happened. And I wasn't stupid enough to believe that the police would care what to some drug fucked, semi-homeless teenager. I was what they would have called an unreliable witness to my own assault.
I did once report a sexual assault attempt to the people in charge at the drug and alcohol rehab I was in, when I was 19. I was waved away, and told to dress less provocatively, by the people who were supposed to be there to help and protect me.
Also, it's a lot ask anyone to relive their experience/s, let alone have them be required to defend their story and themselves, because the law treats them like they did something wrong. What were you wearing? Why were you out that late at night? Why didn't you take a cab? Why didn't you... a million other ridiculous questions to make the victim feel guilty, and question what they did, or could have done differently, when the only thing they did was exist.
It takes a lot of courage to stand up to someone in court and relive the most horrific experiences of your life. I only have one friend that has managed to do it and win the case.
Not everyone has the freedom, courage, mental and emotional capacity, or support network to stand up for themselves, when the system is designed for us to fail. More cases are thrown out of court then win.
Education around sex and consent in schools, and people being able to come forward about their experiences, and be believed, and validated, regardless of the time frame from when it happened, are the only hope we have of changing the rape culture so prevalent in our society.
I was first raped when I was 16, by my first boyfriend. I didn't realize what has happened to me was rape, until something came up in sex Ed class. He was older than me by 4 years. I was coerced into it, I didn't want it. When I spoke out about it to my mother, she just looked at me and said "it happens". I learnt that day that my experience was essentially meaningless and no one would stand up for me, or validate what happened to me, or offer me love or comfort or solace, because it's just something men do. I understand now that it says more about my mother's experiences, than my own.
I was 16 with mental health issues and without the support of anyone, I was completely incapable of going through the process of reporting it, let alone dealing with it in a court of law.
When I was gang raped at 19, I couldn't remember a lot of the details because I was so wasted when it happened. And I wasn't stupid enough to believe that the police would care what to some drug fucked, semi-homeless teenager. I was what they would have called an unreliable witness to my own assault.
I did once report a sexual assault attempt to the people in charge at the drug and alcohol rehab I was in, when I was 19. I was waved away, and told to dress less provocatively, by the people who were supposed to be there to help and protect me.
Also, it's a lot ask anyone to relive their experience/s, let alone have them be required to defend their story and themselves, because the law treats them like they did something wrong. What were you wearing? Why were you out that late at night? Why didn't you take a cab? Why didn't you... a million other ridiculous questions to make the victim feel guilty, and question what they did, or could have done differently, when the only thing they did was exist.
It takes a lot of courage to stand up to someone in court and relive the most horrific experiences of your life. I only have one friend that has managed to do it and win the case.
Not everyone has the freedom, courage, mental and emotional capacity, or support network to stand up for themselves, when the system is designed for us to fail. More cases are thrown out of court then win.
Education around sex and consent in schools, and people being able to come forward about their experiences, and be believed, and validated, regardless of the time frame from when it happened, are the only hope we have of changing the rape culture so prevalent in our society.
Anonymous
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